Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Indigo Files: Day Three

Today continues the story of my first-ever week of trying antidepressant therapy. By sharing this journey, I hope to offer courage for my readers who constantly struggle with feelings of being overwhelmed and sad for no reason. Those are deep enough pits to dig out of on their own, without adding in all of the normal stressors everyone else deals with.

My message to you: you are not alone. The more of this story I share, the more I hear about others who have gone there before me, and who are now cheering me as I take control. If you think you might benefit from this kind of therapy, it is time to make an appointment with your doctor.

Day 3 (May 15): Saturday.
I am starting to notice a trend in my day. This pill is a time-release 24 hour capsule, and it seems like the release time is set for 12 hours. I am active all day, but keep noting a racing heartbeat exactly 12 hours after I have taken it. So I am trying to take it as early as possible. Have cut out all caffeine after lunch, haven't had dessert, and will be trying for early bedtime as often as possible. Maybe if I can get to bed before my body starts fighting sleepiness, I won't have as much adrenaline in my system.

This afternoon I went berry picking in the fields behind my house, with a dear friend and her kids. We had so much fun, and I felt especially lighthearted and alive. I am starting to get excited about baking with these berries. Promising, because me thinking about cooking is always a good sign that I am in my happy place.

At bedtime I have noticed I startle really easily. Guess when you take uppers you can't just turn them off during those times you need to be down to recharge. I really hope this passes, or my heart may not hold out long enough for me to enjoy the reduced anxiety level!

Overall, the day felt mostly normal. I don't feel boisterous, just mellow. My husband seems to think he has gotten a new wife. Generally, I feel more present, more able to enjoy each moment.

I had a great idea this morning that I have been waiting on for about two years. The idea concerns my Wonder book, how to organize it and what perspective to write from. I don't know if I have increased mental clarity, but I can say that this morning is the first time I have had this particular idea, a compilation of lots of thoughts I have had over the years. Perhaps the time has almost come for me to write it. Write the rest of it, anyway, since I already wrote about 25,000 words in November of 2008.

The connection between the idea and the drug therapy did not occur to me immediately. But as I excitedly started sharing my idea with the Captain, I was brought up short by his curious look and gentle laugh. "I think your pill is already working," he smiled. "You have not seemed this interested in anything in a long time."

The Captain also took over the bills today, something I have been wishing to happen for about three years. He is taking charge of the money, a topic that chronically brings me anxiety; and it doesn't seem to do that to him. I guess because he is taking control.

I feel good because I am taking control, too. Taking control of my well being.

Next time I'll share more of my thoughts related to prayer vs. taking a pill. That may never have been one of your concerns, but I still feel I'm walking a fine line.

1 comment:

  1. Bless you, Krista. I have an older sister who's battled depression for many years, but she is healthy and doing well today. To God be the glory.

    I can so relate to handing the bills over to your husband. I took that step many years ago now, and it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Stress level went to basically zero after that.


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