Thursday, October 8, 2009

Feeling a Little Green

Oh, jealousy!

Yeah, that kind of green. Not the cool, hip "save the earth" kind. But the "compare my kids against everyone else's" kind.

Yuck. Have I not learned anything about grace, and God being Enough?

My day started innocently enough, with a trip to school for my annual conference with Boo Bear's teachers. And it went down pretty much the same as it does every year.

"Your daughter LOVES to read. She is really bright academically.

"And she has come a long way socially since the beginning of the year! But she does have a little trouble with the following:

"Talking out of turn
Keeping in her own space
Showing respect to the teacher
Following directions
Being kind to kids who aggravate her"
and so on...
(and, I mentally add, beating her lunchbag against the wall)

And just like every year, I try to remember that the teachers and I are on the same side, and that Boo and I are not in trouble. Because the truth of the matter is, I love the beautiful impulsive spirit that finds its dark side in all these behaviors.

But today was a little different, because I happened to schedule this conference on the same day, at the same time, as the first ever Golden Gator awards. In which, once every six weeks, each teacher gets to choose out two students for special recognition in front of the entire grade.

We had this at the other school Boo attended before getting reassigned to this brand new school. They gave a Fabulous Falcon award every single Friday, with the goal that by the end of the year every student in the school would have been recognized.

Guess who got the Fabulous Falcon award on the very last day of kindergarten? And on the last April Friday of first grade? Yep. That would be my precious, independent minded firstborn. I was just relieved she got an award at all. You have no idea how important that award becomes for a kid who wants so badly to be good, but her brain just keeps making her do these bad things!

Now here we are in a brand new school, and the teachers have already identified to me that they are really working hard with her, and are hopeful for where she is going, behavior wise.

Now it's Golden Gator award time.

Guess who was given a Golden Gator award today, on the first day of it ever being awarded? Not my pride and joy. But...

All three of the kindergarten students whose families I know personally. I know because I ran into them at school as I was leaving my annual "you have a special child" conference.

And I am a little, just a teeny little bit, green with envy.

Because my friends have some beautiful, oh so sweet children. I know these kids myself and I agree they are charming kids that are a pleasure to be around. I am happy for them to receive this recognition, I think it is well given.

This is the part where I remind myself that I love having such an interesting child, full of spark and with a tendency to leap before looking.

This is also the part where a sick jealous pit in my stomach (I hate that feeling) makes me go running for the comfort of my Maker, because he is Enough. He has given me the right kid for me. And he wants me to always remember that she is not really mine. She is his child. And I have nothing for which to be jealous. Ever.

The comparing game always leads to losing.

Dear Father,
Thank you for constantly putting me in situations that remind me how much I need you. Please be Enough for me today. Restore my confidence that this precious child is exactly who you created her to be.


  1. I totally understand. And, at least your honest. My firstborn is a clone of myself. It makes life interesting!

  2. Wow. Powerful post. Though I'm not a mom, I can sure relate to the jealousy thing! And I'm so challenged by the thought that I should be thankful for situations that cause me to need God. Thanks for yet another thought-provoking entry!! :) Love you!

  3. Girl, I know how you feel, but one day those personalities that drive us bonkers right now are going to take them far. I have to keep reminding myself that God made us all unique for a reason. I have a feeling that I'll be right there with you next year with the awards...

  4. Oh sweet mercy. I remember feeling like I needed to wear a bag over my head whenever I went to the school when our son was in the 4th & 5th grade. He was always in "trouble" for what I considered very minor stuff. One teacher actually told me she was concerned he was headed for deliquency. Rubbish!! He is a God-fearing 24yr old wonderful man now.
    I have always been active as a volunteer and supported teachers but that one... well... she wasn't rehired the next year. I work with teachers but I'm also my child's appointed advocate, just as Jesus is mine. Thank God.
    I think you're a brilliant mommy.


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