Sunday, October 4, 2009


"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight."
-Psalm 19:14

Lately I have struggled with sensing direction. Actually, let me amend that. I have plenty of ideas for the direction I would like to travel in the near future. But I struggle to know whether my direction is the same as the Lord's direction. Do you ever feel that way?

I have been obediently studying my Bible, reading current Christian authors, and filling my mind with Christian music. But it is still not enough, because I still do not feel like I am in tune with God the way I would like.

"In seeking God, in crying for His help--each time it must be with my whole heart."
-Andrew Murray

Of course, we do not live our lives on a mountaintop, having the greatest day ever every day. I have been a follower of Christ long enough to know that sometimes we are just asked to put one foot in front of the other and live in obedience to what we already know.

But I so long to feel God's presence. I did more when I was younger, back when my choices in life were clear-cut: graduate high school, attend college, get married, have kids. Now that I've got the business of living under control, where do I find God's voice in my life?

"As I pray, my attitude should be one of silent expectation."

As I spent some time this morning just waiting on God in prayer, I began to wonder, what am I waiting for? A voice? The phone to ring? Maybe a lightning bolt of inspiration?

I got none of those, but I did collect a few thoughts in my journal. I prayed over my calendar, hoping that the decisions I make with my time this month will be inspired by the Maker of Time. I had a few ideas of emails I should write, notes I should send, and I had a sense that those things might produce some good results.

"A life of prayer will make a life of love to Christ, to other Christians, and to those without Christ."

I still want more. I want to feel like the line between God and me is just humming with energy, so I know it's there.

But as I read Andrew Murray's thoughts on Talking with God, I know that prayer is not just an exercise, it is a way of life. We are called to pray without ceasing. Even when we don't know what to say.

"When I feel how imperfect my prayer is, I may bow before God in the confidence that His Holy Spirit will teach me to pray."

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