Sunday, November 14, 2010

Running Ahead :: Unlock the Bible {14}

Funny how much I need to share with you the marathon experience of blogging as much as I need to share the content on my heart. Perhaps the process is as important to personal transformation as the actual information, and I so want you to experience the transformation with me.

I keep finding myself falling further and further behind pace in this marathon. Of course I am being hard on myself; the pace is completely arbitrary. But I am feeling the strain, the need to get ahead far enough to relax a bit and still stay on pace.

And I know that while this pace is self-imposed, I also have something to learn from it. I need to learn this:
I try too hard. When I run ahead of my Muse, or forget to invite him to speak, the words gum up between my eyes, then settle in my chest with a tiring weight.
When God blesses, he multiplies my efforts and puts the words right for me.

This struggle to wait on the Lord, it never ends. I am a fully broken human being, with no good thing on my own. In the past week I have begun to feel convicted of my sinfulness more than I have in a long time. Don’t worry, this is good. It is a necessary part of growth.

I have been seeking growth by choosing to find moments of silence in which God can speak to me; by choosing to ask God to be honored in the everyday moments; by gulping the Bible in 90 days.

And as a result, I realize I need to ask God for more: for personal discipline and focus that will create time for those moments of silence; for patience in my everyday moments; for a passionate love affair with his Words.
This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. 1 John 5:14
And the more convinced I become of my utter worthlessness on my own, as I ask God to remove my pride and self-centered attitudes, the more he is able to fill me up with himself.

Maybe the reasonably picked-up, clean-laundry, done-dishes house I sit in tonight represents God’s strength of focus poured out on me. Maybe the fun I’ve been having with the kids is a gift, not a surprise. Maybe reading the Bible in 90 days really is beginning to transform me.

The passion to pray and the hunger to read my Bible grows more slowly than I would have expected; but it grows. And by day 14 of a 30 day marathon, that’s good news.

Truly, I am excited to share the contents of the second half of this series even more than I have been to share the beginning. The best really will come more toward the last, and my heart is full with anticipation.

1 comment:

  1. Isn’t it funny how womens’ muses are male and mens’ muses are female? I thought it was only me. Maybe not. I feel less sexist now – thanks.

    I did the Bible in 90 days once – BUT IT WAS IN SEMINARY - I had to! Wow – it sounds impossible for a mom, with all the stuff you have to do and every moment being accompanied by the little ones or the big one. If you do it I’m buying you a cape and some nice red leather boots – and if there’s enough money left over a big S.

    And I'm anticipating your words too.

    God Bless


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