Monday, March 9, 2009

The To-Do List

Now I remember what I started up here to write about. It's actually related to my previous thought. I started composing this thought last Friday night, when my doting husband sent me away for a night. Seriously, he called his parents and arranged for me to spend the night in the guest room of their house in the country. Other than getting up once to use my pump, I slept for TWELVE HOURS STRAIGHT. And managed to have the beginnings of a coherent thought.

The house in the country
I am getting too old for this. The broken sleep is catching up with me. I am so thankful that we seem to be moving past the beginning, into better nighttime sleep.

In the meantime, I am trying to hold together the wet tissue of my sanity. Since I have been woken so frequently out of deep sleep, the lines between dreams and reality are getting a little blurry. A few days ago, I was surprised to realize that I had NOT, in fact, been summoned recently for jury duty. Neither had I participated in an ice cream social for Boo's first grade class. Why in the world was I dreaming about jury duty?

Conversely, I had to confirm with the Team Captain that I DID, in fact, find my social security card which has been lost for three years. Seriously, I can consider getting a job now, if necessary! And honestly, it's still surreal to me that I have a baby. I was standing with a group of moms the other day, talking as I heard a baby crying in the background. I thought to myself, I wonder if someone is going to get that child? only to realize suddenly that it was MY baby!

I have started dreaming about running into random people from my past. It's slowly starting to sink in that that usually means that person just "friended" me on Facebook. I also have vivid memories of hanging out with characters from LOST, Heroes, or Chuck. Or all three together. Which means I was probably in a sleep pattern when trying to catch up on an episode.

This time change has me thrown all off, too. We are supposed to be getting dinner ready BEFORE we start to get hungry, only my body over-adjusted and decided to just send me hunger messages all day long. I don't have ANY idea what time it is, what time the baby ate last, or what I should be doing at any given moment.

Hrm. Well anyway, I was planning to write about that thought. In Which Her To-Do List Comes Into Sharp Focus.

Here's the deal. Last Sunday morning, I found a weird lump on my lower abdomen. There is nothing quite like an unexpected lump to make you pause. And reflect.

Because until you get to see your doctor, it's senseless to fret. It could be anything, and usually it's NOT the Worst Case Scenario you immediately wonder about.

But what if it were?

I was not able to get in to see my doctor until Tuesday morning, so I had 48 hours to reflect on what a lump might mean. And I will tell you, I had a couple Very Obvious Thoughts. Notably regarding my To-Do list.

First, I have a truckload of filing to do. If anything were ever to happen to me, my poor husband would be left with no idea how to run the household, because our bills are filed all over the place. No notations about what utilities we owe money to, or how much we pay on our credit cards each month. No list of businesses we have accounts with. You get the picture.

So I know that I really, really need to get my files set up.

Second, I have a half-written book draft. I'd love to have that published, or at least ready for publication. Who knows, maybe it would help out financially in a difficult time. Also, the content is something I feel strongly that I have been asked to write about, and the message is something that could last beyond me.

And third (but most important), I realized my primary job, of being a Christ-following mom, is something I have been in survival mode over for quite some time now. Since before baby, or even moving here from Utah. And it is time to seize the moment.

I realized I am not happy with the Bible teaching the kids are getting from church. I could step in and offer to take over. After all, it is what I am trained and experienced to do. But I need to be more specific to my own children, I think. It's time to be intentional about implementing more Biblical training with my kids.

As I think about what that means and how to accomplish my goals, I will share with you. For now, it's an action point. I hope to have the energy and determination to pursue a plan that will benefit my kids for eternity.

Oh, the lump? Turns out its an inflamed lymph node. Hot packs and Aleve have dramatically reduced it this week, I expect it will completely subside. But it was a good wake-up call. Filing, writing, and focusing on my kids spiritual education. Those are great goals.

As I begin to get caught up on my sleep, it's a natural time to dive into these goals with renewed attention.


  1. Glad to hear you are back in the land of the living...mostly. And very relieved to know the lump was easily treatable. I can also definitely relate to the thoughts of needing to live a more intentional life. If you need another pair of eyes for that half-written book draft, let me know! :)

  2. I'm surprised I can even recall the days, weeks, months of fog. My babies were way too slow in sleeping through the night. 12 hours? In a row? bliss!

  3. Finally got back to reading your posts --- it has been a busy time. Enjoyed your thoughts and writing -- and thankful that you are getting to move beyond the micro-focus of early parenthood. Guess I have been there also with the 'application' I was working on.
    Would love to make copies of some of the pics. Do you have them uploaded somewhere? Send answer to my email as who knows when I will get to peek at your writing again.
    Love you!


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