Thursday, July 15, 2010

And I thought I wanted to Homeschool


Is summer almost over yet? Because I don't think I've had a useful thought since May 28. And I need some quiet time. I'm supposed to be writing some Bible studies and I can't seem to put together two intelligent thoughts.

The first three weeks of summer vacation were supposed to be vacation weeks, and I enjoyed every minute of them. I loved our road trip, seeing family, and being together with my own.

Then we returned home, and I am so sick of crabby children bickering, hitting and throwing things, rolling eyes and sticking out tongues at one another. They probably need to get out more, but I cannot reward their behavior with outings, they simply aren't fit for human company! The extent of our world is the library and Grammy's pool.

I have developed an echo. As in, every time I correct one of the children, the other one chimes in something to the effect of, Yeah, and you know what? So that I am obligated to turn around and chastise that one for parenting over me.

In seconds a small episode of eye rolling and toy throwing can escalate into a huge altercation with everyone shouting, everyone completely pissed off at everyone else, and at least one person crying. If we are really lucky, we'll draw Work From Home Dad out of his office to get in on the What the heck is going on out here? action.

Am I talking? Can anyone hear me? Because I know I just said Shut Up!!!! in a shockingly terrible tone. No one should ever say that to their children, yet I have been driven to it just to make a point of how wretched it is to hear the Yeah, and you know what? from the peanut gallery every.single.time I get into discipline mode!

Summer vacation is the annual event that drives me to my knees, knowing I do not have it in me to handle it without God's help. I hate to admit that, so I understand if you quietly judge me from over there. Before I had kids, I would have told you the job of a mom is to be there for her kids. This week, I would tell you the job of a mom is to get enough away time that she can enjoy her kids when she is around them. Right now it kind of feels like I'm drowning in childhood.

This past Sunday, Ma & Pop Burdine's anniversary, we all went to church together. I brought my camera because I thought it might be nice to catch us all in our Sunday clothes.

Unfortunately, when I picked up my dear firstborn from Sunday School, she was in a state. Apparently she was playing a game with a prize at stake, and won the game only to lose the prize because she was accused of cheating. When I asked her if she possibly might have been cheating, she replied, "I have no earthly idea" and proceeded to literally cry me a river at the unjustness of it all. Uh huh. I am a fount of sympathy.

So much for a nice family photo. Let's just say the photo shoot wasn't going so well anyway. But oh, the pathos in the puffy eyes and long face.

As if it's not bad enough, Princess Tidy Bowl has added a new, very fallen, word to her vocabulary. It's not No! but it's close. And that one is probably coming any day.


This usually accompanied by shrieking and hugging the object in question and running away with it as fast as those chunky little toddler legs will carry her.

The last two days have been full of her shrieking to have her way. I adore this little daisy of a child, and I may have amnesia, but I just don't remember #1 or #2 shrieking their way through the mine! stage. We have actually started calling her (because she doesn't have enough nicknames) Little Shreekaboo, so named by Miss Boo. And so appropriate. Holy something, that shriek hits a certain frequency that turns my fingernails inside out.

Eighteen months old. I am so glad we have not hit the terrible twos yet. I can only imagine how much fun that stage is going to be, now that our little angel has discovered boundaries to her world.

Between Evil Eyes McGee, King Pouty Pants, and the Little Shreekaboo, I am not getting much brain time. In a downward spiral, I try to escape the chaos via a little web surfing. As I ignore the chaos, it goes in its own direction, grows, and explodes all over my house. I get run down because it seems all I ever do is yell at the kids to stop fighting, and clean up the chaos that they create.

This is not my idea of living victoriously.

I realize I have several remedies at my fingertips to manage this chaos. It just takes being vigilant all the time. I get frustrated because once I sweep the kitchen floor, I really expect it to stay clean. Yeah, right.

My (surprisingly) favorite part of this summer has been the realization that my misgivings about homeschooling were so strong I had to take them as a sign that I am released from going down that road right now. I was starting to feel suffocated by the last week of school, and since mid-June when I let the idea go, I have been eagerly looking forward to August 23, the first day of school for now two of my children. Rooster is enrolled at a four days, half-day kindergarten, but I am so looking forward to those 16 hours each week.

I really do want to do some fun things with the kids in the weeks of summer we have remaining. And those weeks will go fast, as we will have family visiting through most of August leading up to school. But it's only going to be with help from above that I can begin each day with anticipation instead of dread.

Now if I could just get some momentum on those Bible studies, life would be grand.


  1. Krista, know that you're not alone. Much of what you wrote is SO true for me too! Hang in there!!

  2. is there any relationship between the struggles you are experiencing and those of the people in the passages you are writing about?? Hang i there ... life is made up of moments like these... Luv you! Mom


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