Thursday, May 10, 2012

Not a Tame Lion

I grow weary of the wait; the highs and lows of real estate try to tug my emotions with them like a yoyo. My courage falters and I wonder how many more times I can clean my house while trying to keep a rein on the hope in my heart.

This past weekend brought us a Friday night showing and open houses both Saturday and Sunday. Friday's show resulted in an offer--wow! But by Saturday night it was withdrawn, an obvious fishing expedition to see if we were ready to give the house away. I want to cry heartbreak! betrayal!

But I bet I am not as near the end of my rope as I think I am. I think of a character from CS Lewis' The Horse and His Boy: of Bree the magnificent-yet-lazy warhorse who thought quite highly of his physical ability, only to discover at a critical moment the ability to reach even deeper and overcome an unbelievable obstacle. Upon reflection, he realized his laziness had limited his abilities; and that it had taken an external motivator (in the form of Aslan the all-orchestrating lion sinking claws into his rump) to help him accomplish his best.

I don't know my best, but I sort of really deeply hope my motivator to accomplish it is not to weather a third lengthy experience selling a house that won't move.

Another line that repeats often throughout the seven books of Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia, and echoes through my head these days, refers to different characters' ability to call Aslan at will to help with their problems: He's not a tame lion. You just can't control the element that controls the game board.

Over and over I come up short against this reality: that I can not wield God and prayer like a weapon to do what I want, on my time table. I can't make God sell my house no matter how much I grovel or give him all the credit or even challenge him to catch me as I fall.

Because every time the response is different than I expected. I demand God make himself known through his speedy and powerful orchestration of my experience. Instead he leaves me to marinate in my situation until I have no pride left, and have grown wary of phrases such as "In the Lord's time" and "God knows best".

Funny thing is, he always does provide. And I have lots of life experience to point to that illustrates this. Truthfully, I've even seen some pretty amazing ways he has provided. But with the selling of real estate, I keep finding myself wishing he would do less character building and more showing off.

But I guess that's the inner longing for a perfect world, meant to draw my heart away from this earthly plane and upward toward eternity.

Whatever happens, I don't want to be the player who pouts her way through the game; because I have a good feeling that a little perspective will show me the winner. A little time will bring this process to its natural end, and this whole uncomfortable transition will only show itself in my rear-view mirror. So one more time, I hold my head high, take the next step, and wait another day.


1 comment:

  1. Krista! Glad to see you in this space again. Praying right now for your family and your move.

    And I *love* The Horse and His Boy.


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