My encouraging first week experience led me to raise my expectations; at the same time, I seem to have lowered my performance output. As a result, Monday and Tuesday have felt brutal. Lack of focus, increased resistance from the student, and allowing new thoughts and ideas to use part of my processing power; all have combined to take away from a repeat of our magical time last week.
By the end of last week I found I had not fallen off the bike once, had no skinned knees or elbows, and felt I might be learning the trick of balancing. Hooray for victory!
This week I seem to be pulling a classic learning blunder. The moment I sense any control of the bike at all, I shout to the parent, "I've got it!" and charge off confidently in the direction of my dreams. Only I don't really know enough to thrive on my own, so the first thing that happens is that I steer directly for the side of the road and crash into a ditch. I forgot to learn how to stop.
So I pick myself up, get another helping hand and running start from the parent, and start off again, better this time. Hoping to get further before the next crash.
Except I have had a revelation. God is not the training wheels. He is also not the parent holding the bike, running along beside me while I learn. In fact, God is the bike.
Maybe whenever I get that, really get it, I will also learn to stop fighting the direction of the bike. And just ride wherever it goes.
I want to get all uptight about what to do schoolwise for the fall. The options before me all present a complicating factor here or there. Nothing contains the perfect solution.
But thank the Lord, he gave me just a quick flash of wisdom today: It's all in his hands. I am not trying to do what I think is best. I am only taking one small step at a time and being obedient to God's plan. If he wants me to write and begin teaching discipleship through church, then he will make time, order, and focus for me to do so along with homeschooling. Or he will provide a way for both kids to go to the 1/2 day school we are looking in to.
It's not my problem.
Now, where was I? Oh, yes, school. Sorry, gotta run. I've got a day job now, and I need a little time for prep.