Thoughts from the Well

Keeping Vigil and Carrying the Load

2011-09-15T17:24:00.000-05:00

Life is full of pain, yet God's goodness still shines through. This day has felt strangely holy, as I hold three people before the Lord in my thoughts.

Photo Credit

My friend Katie, whose police officer husband accidentally struck and killed a local 14 year old kid yesterday morning. What a shocking event in this small community, well connected to the families on both sides of the situation.

My friend Rhys, whose daughter Lia I am convinced shared time with Lulu in God's waiting room a couple years ago, sitting in a Boise hospital with Lia as she recovers from major internal surgery yesterday. Lia's road has been so unique and challenging already in this life, and it just doesn't appear that "normal" is something that will ever materialize for this family. Normal is overrated, but it does tend to come with more sleep and a greater sense of stability than this family has had for almost three years now.

And an amazing blogger, Sara, whose words I have been reading for three years now. She has been housebound for many years with an autoimmune disease, and has used the situation as a chance to be a voice of encouragement and beauty on the internet. We read this week that her earthly journey is almost at an end, and she is poised to make her entrance into the presence of Jesus. Go, Gitzen Girl!

I also have a friend trying to finalize adoption papers before a crazy deadline next week, another celebrating her dad's first birthday in heaven this week, and a new acquaintance whose divorce just finalized a couple days ago.

Life is full of pain. And difficult moments. I have no easy answers for the pain I am helping carry today. But I have hope. Today, as I have held this vigil in my heart, I have been reminded of Psalm 46:

God is our refuge and strength,a very present help in etrouble.2 Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,3 though its waters roar and foam,though the mountains tremble at its swelling.

10 “Be still, and know that I am God.I will be exalted among the nations,I will be exalted in the earth!”
11 The Lord of hosts is with us;the God of Jacob is our fortress.

The mountains seem about to fall into the sea today, but even if everything crashes around me I know that God is here, and he is still God.

Word Love Wednesday :: RUE Your Words

2011-08-10T05:26:00.109-05:00

What’s your art?

Once a week, we gather here to discuss the art of writing. Not publishing--that’s a big world that involves marketing and business. Not the message itself--you already know in your heart what you want to say. Rather, we discuss the nuts and bolts that contribute to powerful delivery of your message--for the love of the written word.

Today’s tip: Resist the Urge to Explain. You have read over-explanations; you have probably written some of them. In my case, it usually comes from a sincere intention to help the reader feel invited into the moment, but sometimes it leads to too much backstory.

Backstory weighs a story down; if that weight comes right at the beginning of a story, before a reader is hooked, you might actually be able to see the reader’s eyes glaze over as she moves her mouse to click on to the next story. You have 5 seconds (50 words) to persuade your reader to stick with you--make the most of that time.

So how can you lighten up a little? Try any of these three tricks:

Start with a bang--jump right into the middle of the action. "Ring! Ring! The telephone's insistent call sucked her out of reverie. She tucked her thoughts away and turned her attention to Valerie's shrill voice on the other end of the line."
Start by declaring the topic sentence of your piece. "Breakfast may be the most important meal of the day, yet more than 25% of moms neglect to train their children to eat it." A quotation, Scripture reference, or statistic can work well to encapsulate the point you are about to make.
Start with an unusual thought that grabs the reader’s attention. "We learned more from the egg that didn't fry on the sidewalk than we ever did in school."

One strategy I use to lighten up my piece is to simply cut out the first paragraph of the first draft. Often I only end up needing a few words from those opening sentences to set the stage just as effectively in much less space.

It boils down to this silly acronym: RUE your words. Resist the Urge to Explain.

As you write this week, be aware of your backstory. Practice starting in the middle of the story. Practice finding quotes or Bible references to place at the beginning. Practice phrasing a thought in such a way that makes the reader say, “I want to read more!” Practice cutting your first paragraph, and see if the story really loses anything.

Now, let’s think about last week’s assignment: set yourself a goal to write so much a week. What was your goal? How did you do? I am still writing a lot more than I did earlier in the summer; but I found I need to write a lot on the weekend in order to focus on my other responsibilities during the week. My new goal for this week is to get four blog posts in the hopper by the end of the weekend, so I can use weeknight free time on other writing projects.

Join the conversation! Remember, you can comment something as simple as, "I am a writer!" The more you say it, the more your confidence grows. Tell us your writing goals; tell us your experience cutting out the backstory as you try to chisel out the best presentation of your message.

Photo Credit

Homeschool Report :: 2011 Week 1

2011-08-08T08:01:00.005-05:00

I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

We got a small taste last week of what homeschool can look like. It definitely does not look like traditional school. I still feel a little crazy to think I can be the kids' teacher, but I hope that with every successful day (defined very loosely of course), my confidence will grow.

On Monday, homeschool looked like wallowing in a new bucket of geometric shapes. The kids didn't come up for air for nearly an hour.

I wrote a nice "Why I want a clean house" mission statement (more like a prayer): Lord, bless all who enter my home, and fill them with your peace. Release me from chaos, so I can focus on the needs of others.

On Tuesday, homeschool looked like creating a new animal out of clay, and naming it. Adam had a tough job naming all the animals, you know! Miss Boo's creation received the title of doliphant (part dolphin, part elephant), although I see more resemblance to jet plane, hummingbird, and aardvark.

For my project, I cleaned out the fridge and freezer. Only took 15 minutes due to it having been cleaned three months ago. Love that!

On Wednesday, homeschool looked like building a musical instrument, to celebrate that music has been around almost since the beginning. Lots of hammering in the garage happened on this day. We also visited the library.

I started out trying to get my kitchen counters cleared off, but got mired in the details. We accidentally paid the mortgage twice, resulting in some administrative distractions including a lengthy visit to the bank.

On Thursday, homeschool looked like buildling a puzzle map of Africa while we made cards to send a girl we sponsor in Malawi, through World Vision. We also made beads for the baby to string, and baked cookies.

Also on Thursday, we did that egg-on-the-sidewalk thing you may have heard me talking about. What a fiasco! First it didn't cook as fast as I expected, even in 106 degree temps on a black asphalt street. But I couldn't wait around because it was dinner time. I carried the baby back inside, set her down--and slipped a disk in my back.

After crawling into the living room and laying on the floor for ten minutes, I finished making dinner and dragged myself to my writers' group meeting, forgetting all about the egg. By the time I checked it at 10pm, it had cooked after all.

Never did clean out the stove and microwave, but they were pretty neat so I'm still okay.

By Friday, my back hurt, my intentions were melted in the heat, and it was time for a pool party and some grocery shopping. We did zero school, and ended the week with a house in its usual state of slight disarray. Ah, well. It was a week, and I will count it as such. I met several new friends, both online and in person, that encourage me.

I have no idea what Friday's cleaning assignment was. Doesn't matter, I didn't do it. Weekends are for catching up, so that's why I built only 5 projects into each week. Unfortunately, we also spent the entire weekend getting out of the house, so my Monday morning is looking pretty scary already. Guess I'll just back up to day 3, on top of the neverending laundry mountain, and aim to finish goals 3-7 this week.

Not feeling especially victorious after one week, but not yet beaten down and discouraged, either. I suppose if you ask, "How's it going?" I would have to say, "About what I would expect after the first lap of 36. Anything can still happen!"

This week, we will work toward a getting-started routine that includes breakfast, getting dressed, and a little Bible time; then we will do math first, followed by our Mystery of History lessons. As time permits, we will set up a roly-poly observation station and start asking questions.

We will also be working in a visit to Discount Tire; a trip to the chiropractor for me; and 8-10 hours of writing time as I work on a workshop class, an interactive discipleship "party" for a half dozen pre-tweens, and a Bible study lesson.

What does your homeschool week look like?

This post is linked up with the Hip Homeschool Hop.
Because I'm chill like that.

On New Beginnings

2011-08-04T06:14:00.000-05:00

This post is linked up to the Not-Back-To-School Blog Hop. Hoping to meet a few new homeschool friends this way--I am still very much building my homeschool tribe!

In March, I reacted. Pulled my 9 year old treasure (an amazing gift, who stretches me more than I thought possible) out of the world I had misgivings about sending her to in the first place, and declared I would homeschool this one while we decided what to do next.

Now, I purpose. This week I become the full time teacher of the 9 year old and of her 6 year old brother. We will study the Mystery of History together, beginning at the beginning and working our way through the Resurrection of Christ. 2 year old baby will be coloring a lot of printables this year, I think.

We will study biology together, using a handful of books and a house full of odds and ends for experimenting and learning about classification of living things; move into the human body after Christmas; and finish with botany and ecology by the end of the year.

The 4th grader will work her way through Teaching Textbooks for math, while I play counting, calendar, money, and other math games with the 1st grader. What math does a 6 year old need to know, anyway? Adding? Story problems? Parts of a pie? I think we'll do okay.

We will all do a little First Language Lessons and Spelling Power, and I intend to get my writing-resistant daughter to develop handwriting and composition skills by narrating and documenting the things we study in all the other areas.

If I am totally awesome, we will listen to classical music each Thursday while alternating art studies between drawing, painting, sculpture, printmaking, and collage. And studying art styles & artists, musicians & music history. We might even learn a Latin prayer by the end of the year.

Oh, and I have a subject this year, too: Cleaning the house, 5 days a week. I'll be using Sarah Mae's 31 Days to Clean. Best $5 investment I have made in a long time. I hope it helps bring some peace to our home, because summer has been way too chaotic and disorganized.

I honestly don't know how I will be able to accomplish an entire year of homeschool to my personal satisfaction. But I do know that the discipleship of my children is my primary responsibility, and this is the way I choose to do it right now.

I also know I don't do it alone. Jehovah Shammah, The Lord my companion, stands by my side.

What are you attempting this week, that can only happen with the Lord Your Companion?

Word Love #1 :: Own It

2011-08-03T05:51:00.024-05:00

Do you want to write, or do you want to be published?

This question challenged me at She Speaks. After having considered myself “a writer” for four years, I attended the conference hoping to both improve my writing skills and to get a foothold in the world of publishing. In addition to accomplishing both of these goals, my time at the conference also taught me the vast difference between the two.

Andrea Doering, executive editor for Revell Books, encouraged writers that if we have ever shared a blog post for the world to see, we may consider ourselves published. We may even have a larger audience through blogging and speaking than we would reach through traditional publication.

As a blogger, I can consider myself a published writer. I have had a few other pieces published to larger audiences, but let’s stick with the blogging for right now. As a blogger, I have the ability to write whatever weighs on my heart, without having to go through an editor. I can interact with my audience directly, thus lending strength to my influence with this audience. I can post links to my content all over the internet, constantly growing the reach of my message. To be honest, the more I consider these facts, the more I think I am quite happy just blogging here in my own corner.

So, then, when is it time to seek publication? According to Andrea, these two questions help determine the answer:

1. Is there something I can do with a book length work that I cannot do with a blog?
2. Is there a reader I want to reach that I can not reach with a blog?

I can think of answers to these questions that might indicate my readiness to publish. For instance, if I had an active speaking schedule, I’d like to have something to take with me that gives my whole message in context. Also, while many readers spend many hours a week reading blogs, I would imagine still more than half the potential audience has yet to call the online world their primary information source.

So do I want to write, or do I want to be published?

At this point in my career, I personally want to write. Blogging offers all the publication I need for the moment. Publication, the traditional bookish kind, will require a lot of hard work and dedication to a message God is still refining in my mind. The message may grow large enough to push beyond this venue; and thanks to the direction of these two questions, I will know the time has come to move to the next step.

What about you? Do you thread words from your thoughts onto paper? Do you aspire to share a message with whatever audience you can reach?

If you want to get published, follow people who talk publishing:
Terry Whalin
Michael Hyatt
Seth Godin
Rachelle Gardner
Mary DeMuth

But if right now you just want to write, then this place is for you. You can be published right now, through the wonders of blogging.

And, here is the fun part! You can learn to communicate your message as clearly as possible. Today starts a new weekly series, Word Love Wednesday. Every week, we will look at a tip to improve your writing. Ready? Set? Word.

WORD LOVE #1: OWN IT. Determine whether your goal is to write, or to get published.

If you want to write, call yourself a writer. Go ahead, say it out loud! Post it in the comments here if you need to.

Then start doing it. Just start. Journal, blog, volunteer to write the office newsletter, make a creative grocery list! Whatever works for you, as long as you pick up the pen (or sit at the keyboard) and say something. Set yourself a goal to write a certain amount by next Wednesday, then come back here and check in. Nobody will check your work, but we want to cheer you on! If nothing else, come see if I made my goal of posting four times during our first week of homeschool.

I also want to share with you my personal favorite guide on the subject of writing. I'm thinking of giving away a copy to a Word Love commenter in a few weeks. Would you like that? Here it is, check out the reviews.

An Introduction to Christian Writing:
An Indepth Companion to the Complete Writing Experience
by Ethel Herr.

Where are you in your writing journey today? Where do you aspire to go?

She Reflects :: On The Greater Gift

2011-08-02T06:12:00.007-05:00

I may be almost out of She Speaks downloads.

Except for a new series beginning tomorrow on how to better communicate your message, of course. Every Wednesday I will be sharing one tip on how to tighten up your writing. Called, "For the Love of the Word Wednesday." Do you like it? That's going to be funny to me whenever I start muttering about having to get that Wednesday post up, For the Love.

Anyway. So, other than For the Love Wednesday, and all the extra-amazing blogging about to go on over here (are you rolling your eyes yet? I am, but giggling all the while), I just have one post left about She Speaks. The only catch is, you have to do a little hop to see it. But I promise it delivers. OK?

Read my post, The Greater Gift, about Ann Voskamp's keynote message, and my She Speaks encounter with Jehovah Shammah over at BibleDude.net.

May you be blessed abundantly today, by the God who does not limit his presence to churches or temples, but is accessible to all who love and obey him!

She Reflects :: On Divine Appointments

2011-08-01T06:28:00.009-05:00

He knew better than to bother with me before the conference:
I was too focused.

He knew better than to waste his efforts on me during the conference:
I was too confident.

He knew better than to start in on me during the trip home:
I was surrounded by too many fellow attendees.

In fact, I can't think of a time in my life that I have felt more protected, sure of my calling, and supported than I did last weekend.

The night before my trip to Charlotte, as I sank exhausted into bed for a three hour nap before morning, an unexpected warmth washed over me. God reassured me, tenderly, that I was on my way to a divine appointment. What a gift, to carry that with me all weekend!

At the end of my flight day, I collected my suitcase off the conveyer belt, turned around, and saw the one person of 650--the one person in all of Charlotte--that I already knew personally. The rest of the evening was spent in catching up and sharing with Laurel, a leader in my home church whose office I shared during my summer ministry internship over a decade ago. What a gift, to start the weekend with one who has known me since I came of age, who knows my parents and knows me!

At dinner, we invited a few others to share our table. Halfway through the meal, Katie suddenly recognized me as a blog friend. We have followed one another's stories for three years, and there she was sitting six inches away from me! What a gift, to realize all this blogging business has real people on the other end of it, and that we can meet in a place like this. My world grew three sizes in an instant.

Before my first publisher appointment the next afternoon, I connected with Shona and Caroline, two more friends I had known only through the internet. Both supportive, both helping me work out some of my jitters. What a gift, to have Caroline sit me down 20 minutes before my time and let me practice my pitch on her!

Walking through the hall later, I saw a face I thought I recognized. Squeee! Emily, whose magical, thoughtful prose first cast me a vision for a blog that could be a living thing, engaged in conversation with me. What a gift, a treasure to satisfy my secret desire to meet her in person. And she really is as sweet and just-right as she seems.

On through the weekend, the divine appointments continued. Clear through the entire trip home, through date night at the end, through the beginning of the next week as I unpacked, counted, and treasured each gift.

The mountaintop high didn't end Tuesday, when I learned the Captain would be taking a business trip for the remainder of the week.

It didn't end Wednesday, when Lulu found scissors and cut her lovely goldilocks for the second time in a week.

It didn't end Thursday, when I worked on an article until 3am, and went to my room to find ants milling around on the floor of my closet.

But oh, my friends, all good things come to an end. And that sneaky prowling enemy just lurked, waiting for his opportunity. Friday, the mountaintop experience came to an abrupt end.

At 8am, I got a call that the Captain's flight home from D.C. had been cancelled and rerouted, which would cause him to miss the last flight into town, thereby stranding him overnight in Dallas.

At 10am, I found inappropriate months-old pictures on my phone, taken by my children, ~~who apparently didn't realize that their potty humor mini videos and body part gallery would be viewable by me~~. And that's all you need to know about that.

At noon, the baby ran around the house yelling potty words learned from the children in the above description. She also regressed a bit in her potty training progress from before my trip, and had two accidents on my sofa. At this point, I outlawed all potty words and banned laughter from the house.

At 2pm, I took out the trash, which led to the discovery of a moldy yogurt container in the bottom of the can; which led to a delay in taking out the trash, which led to the bag leaking a clear bile-smelling liquid on the floor and carpet; which led to floor mopping and a bleach incident (bad for my bleach-fumes allergy); which led to the discovery of rotting potatoes in the pantry next to the new trash bags; which really put me over the top for the day, smell-wise. At this point the kids were enlisted as slave labor; and they folded laundry (a first), picked up and vacuumed the living rooms, and otherwise earned their keep for a few moments.

At 4pm I didn't care anymore, and went back to bed.

At 6pm I took the kids out for dinner and a few groceries, whereupon my exuberant boy chased the baby right out of the store through the low grocery cart opening while several horrified busybodies stared and blocked my path as I shed my dignity and chased her like the sassypants she is.

At 8pm I got a nice call from my sister-in-law, during which the kids took total advantage and messed up all their beautiful tidying progress from earlier (see 2pm).

At 10pm the Captain called, and after we traded war stories from the day ~~(my story being far better than his)~~, I belatedly realized I had just stolen all his joy and anticipation for coming home the next morning. Oops. I hate when I do that. Kind of a downer moment on which to end a defeating sort of day.

But I had a slip of a dream remain with me all day. I dreamed about another appointment, one I haven't had yet, in which a nice lady smiled at me and asked for my book proposal. Her interest, and obvious belief in me, set my heart right at ease. It's a nugget to store with that peace and tenderness moment given the night before my trip, to reassure me through all the other moments. I am on the right path, and I have confirmation of it in the many divine appointments I seem to be keeping all along the way.

That sneaky old enemy may have scored a round on me, but he will not win. I am confident of this, that the one who began this good work in me will be faithful to complete it. And I am confident he will complete the work he is doing in you, too. Just treasure your gifts and watch out for those divine appointments!

Five Minute Friday: Still

2011-07-29T01:43:00.001-05:00

Once a week, a special community writes for the pure love of the unedited word. We take just a few moments to spill our un-smithed thoughts, and share them with one another--and with you.

I like it because by Friday, everything I have left is of the un-edited variety.
Five Minute Friday is specially hosted at inCourage today. There's even a giveaway to one random linker. You know you want to participate now!

GO

Would you believe God specially reminded me to BE STILL this week, and remember that He is with me. Psalm 46 is one of my favorites (along with about 50 others, ha!) and has always been a good reminder not to fret when I don't know what I am about. Because seriously, compared to GOD, what's left to worry about?

I went to this marvelous conference last weekend (has it been a week already?), and was left wondering where God was in the midst of it. At the tail end of the weekend, I remembered to visit the prayer room. And believe me, that holy ground was STILL.

I had worried that I wasn't close enough to God, that all the other women at the conference had a better line to him than I do. But what I found in that STILL place was my name, prayerfully placed next to this name of God:

and along with it, the reference to Psalm 46. God's presence is always with me, and always supersedes any of my doubts.

God is good. And I love when he works so perfectly to remind me that he is with me.

STOP

Much more poetic post on this to come Monday. But I could not believe this was our prompt for today, after I just spent three hours smithing that other post! Good reminder to me to pull out Psalm 46 again and meditate on it over the weekend.

She Reflects :: On the Proposal

2011-07-28T06:32:00.029-05:00

“Sometimes rejection is God’s protection.” Renee Swope, author of A Confident Heart

Sitting in the Writers’ Coffee House on Saturday afternoon, listening to a panel of veterans share candidly about the industry, I continue to reflect on my first-ever experiences here at She Speaks 2011 this weekend. I think of myself as a confident soul, with a healthy self esteem. Turns out even the confident ones have room to grow that confidence deeper by clinging to God alone.

After spending six weeks obsessing about demographics, markets, comparable literature, and my publishing pedigree, I had a small challenge with remaining objective about the original purpose of my appointments: to have gone through the exercise enough to get the maximum benefit from the conference. To prepare for my first experience, I took a class a month before the conference, about preparing the perfect pitch. This gave me the words to say, at a time when this writer tends to get tongue tied: whenever the words have extra importance.

My first 15 minute appointment went according to the script. Except that I forgot to practice parts the editor might say. So my words tumbled out in a rush, I struggled mightily to refrain from self-deprecation, and when the door opened with 90 seconds left on my timer, I quickly wrapped up and left--without ever allowing the editor to ask me any questions about my project, or offering her a copy of my proposal. Whoops. She took a copy of my one-sheet book description, but as I felt the need to thank her for having been my “first interview,” I feel fairly confident that she will not be pursuing me this year on the basis of that (lovely, thanks to my amazing husband) piece of paper.

This first representative did manage to squeeze in a few words when I got to the question, “What are you looking for right now?” She responded smoothly that they are “looking for authors with an established platform, with whom we could partner to help market the book.” And I know I am not there. Then she offered a few suggestions on ways to grow my blog audience in order to get to the point where her publisher might have more interest in taking a chance on me.

Truthfully, this appointment went about as well as I expected, although I still experienced a sense of letdown afterward, a knowledge that on this day, I had yet to be “discovered” by the world. But I had the second appointment looming in 26 hours, to pull me through.

For the second appointment, I vowed to show more personality, to engage the editor more before launching into my project description. This second editor asked me for the chapter outline, and when I showed it, she did not seem to quite understand it. While friendly, she explained that as written, the project does not fit with their target demographic. She gave me a few indications of how the project would be attractive to her publisher, but declined to take even a copy of my one-sheet.

I walked out with my head held high, a little stunned that I had no thread of hope to hold on to that the second editor might ever call. And an hour later, here I sit in the conference room, heart breaking on the inside as I realize the advice being shared so freely by Lysa TerKeurst, Mary DeMuth, and the others does not apply to me yet. All my talking and writing, all the sacrifice of my family as I stretch the fabric to create more me time, and the world has yet to even open this 44 page document I worked so hard to create.

And from the depths of my being, all the hopes, the anticipation, the fatigue, the disappointment, the everything--they well up and with sinking heart I recognize what comes: the ugly cry. Right here in front of my writing mentors and heroes. Jesus, help me.

The session ends, and I find myself falling apart all over a sweet twenty-something twitter friend from Dallas, who has the perfect shoulder to cry on. I. Hate. Sobs. I avoid it often enough that when it comes, I have no idea how to stop it. Public or not, the crying will run its full course.

In the hours that follow, I remember my earlier “Choose to go deeper” moments, and I know that here I have come against a hard stop. Here I recognize that before I am ready with something of value to share, I need to sink my roots deeper into Jesus. I have followed Jesus since childhood; yet in the ache of my heart over this moment that should not have hit so painfully, I conclude that I have just barely scratched the surface of God’s mighty work in my life. And I sense God asking me to start a journey that digs much deeper, so that at a point further down the road I might have something of even greater value to share.

Photo Credit
"She is like a tree, planted by streams of water..."
Psalm 1:3

Not that discipling my children, developing a new ministry at church, and blogging have small value in the Now. All of those things have great value, and I am content to have those outlets for the message burning within me. But publication? I am only at the beginning of a long road, and that will grow naturally out of the overflow as I turn my energy to the near things.

God used a firm rejection to protect me from overextending myself, or even expending too much time in anticipation during this season of beginning homeschooling. How about you? How has God used rejection to protect you?

Coming Monday: How God physically answered me in my quest to sink my roots deeper.

She Reflects :: On Going Deeper

2011-07-26T21:31:00.000-05:00

“Let God Chisel” -Lysa TerKeurst, author of Made to Crave

Lysa TerKeurst, Mary DeMuth, and three other industry veterans sit at the front of my hotel conference room, sharing candidly about the journey to publication. My journey to sit in this room on this particular Saturday afternoon has taken four years, yet I hardly hear their voices over the tempest swirling inside me. How can I feel so confident in my place here, yet so miserable in this moment? Lord, what am I missing?

With four years blogging experience, a slew of positive input from my tribe, and a growing heart to communicate God’s message, I arrived at She Speaks on Thursday night with a blog-series-turned-book-proposal and a pair of appointments to introduce my Grand Idea to the publishing world. It started out as an academic idea, just a chance to go through the experience of writing a proposal in order to best squeeze every drop of benefit from this amazing conference. But then the proposal developed a life of its own, and I began to believe in it. Although I acknowledge the diminutive size of my growing platform, and the sophomoric quality of the presentation, I still intended to walk into those appointments with my head held high and give those editors my best pitch.

Until I unpacked my suitcase.

During flight, something in my toiletries bag leaked. Soaked with dampness--saline? body spray? hard telling--my blue bag then bled on the clothing around it, including my one nice white shirt, my chosen comfort uniform for that first publishing appointment. I felt a little heartsick, but almost immediately I took a deep breath as I heard a whisper, “What will you choose?”

The God who flung the stars into the sky, who coordinated my arrival at this conference with my particular dreams and hopes, this same God knew that blue bag would bleed on that white shirt. And he brought me here anyway. I could choose to fret in this moment. Believe me, I considered it. Or I could choose to go deeper with God, to trust that clothing would not change a single detail of my upcoming agenda. I chose to go deeper. And as I continued to unpack, I found I had packed a sweater to wear over the white shirt. The blue bleed spot would not show anyway.

I breathed a sigh of relief. Until I ran into another hiccup.

Friday morning, I scheduled myself with some quiet time to prepare for my first appointment. As my anxiety grew (despite my best efforts to quell it), I showered and began to dress. Suddenly I realized the hotel room lacked a hairdryer. What? I searched the bathroom, then moved into the main room. Closets, drawers, under the beds, inside the microwave. Nothing. I returned to the bathroom and took a long look at my scary toweled hairdo. Lord? Do you want to walk through this with me also? Is this another moment you want me to choose to go deeper?

I took a breath, made peace with the scary hair. Even if I could not otherwise solve my problem in the 90 minutes before my first meeting, I knew God had brought me here, had known of this adventure, and would be honored only by a choice not to fret over this detail. And in that moment, as I turned to my toiletries bag hanging from the wall shelf, I discovered another bag hanging behind my bag. In it, I found a hairdryer.

Both moments--the blue bleed marks and the scary hair threat--seemed small in the moment, but as I sit in the hotel conference room, pondering my first publishing industry experience, these moments rise up from my memory and speak once more, “Will you choose to go deeper?”

Coming Thursday: She (Finally) Reflects on the Proposal.

She Reflects :: On Priorities

2011-07-25T23:03:00.000-05:00

“What are the three things that only you can do?”

The question slid so smoothly into my consciousness that I can’t remember now if I first heard it just this weekend; or perhaps it never received voice this weekend at all, just so wildly appropriate that it framed my response to the many nuggets of application clamoring for dominance.

I hold a mental snapshot answer to this question on priorities, from the camera’s perspective. Three grinning, sticky faces jostle one another in the foreground as they peer directly into the lens: my children.

At 2, 6, and 9, they represent the number one project that only I can handle. They need me to provide meals, clean clothing, and a home environment that nurtures them. They need discipleship in the faith they have chosen.

A personal chef and a housekeeper illustrate the point that these responsibilities, while mine, could be delegated. Even their education could be delegated to a home tutor if I chose. And believe me, I reserve the right to do so at whatever time it becomes necessary. But today, this month, for the foreseeable future; this entire job remains not just my responsibility, but my largest task. Only I can play with them. Only I can shepherd them to adulthood. Only I can be be their mom.

Beyond the faces monopolizing the foreground of my snapshot, I see the sanctuary of my local church. In that sacred place sit hundreds of believers with all backgrounds, with a hunger to know God more intimately. And of the people in that community, God has chosen to impress on my heart the urgency of providing more venues for them to know Him more, through foundation building.

Over the coming months, I am honored, permitted, and responsible to develop a series of workshops, to help these hungry believers go deeper into the Christian life. The messages welling up within me can find outlet in the venue of my local church; and I sense my path moving that direction. This fulfills me.

My snapshot answer to the question, “What are the three things only you can do?” has one more element, beyond the children and the sanctuary. Far in the distance, still in view, I see a torrent, falling off the edge of the world. As I grow my own roots deep in order to pour God’s living water out on my kids and in my local church, I see that water overflow beyond my small sphere and reach a more distant audience.

Writing God’s message. Blogging, networking, freelancing, e-publishing to share living water. Someday, those sticky faces smudging the lens will be grown and need me less. Someday, my local church may move more into the foreground, bringing that far distant torrent closer in focus as well.

Today, I have small bits of this already available to me, for which I am grateful. I still have this job, which only I can do: I speak of my own journey, from my perspective; and attempt to find the universal truth to share with another.

The many lessons I collected this weekend seem packaged with laser precision. This one, my Three Things Snapshot, gives me a bit of relief as I settle into the confirmation that the kids come first. The message welling from within me will find voice beyond them, as it overflows. But the message starts with them.

Life seems so simple when priorities emerge clear and measurable. I feel the peace of a well-organized priority list tonight.

What are your Three Things right now?

The Right Start

2011-07-13T09:03:00.018-05:00

This was published in P31 Woman Magazine online a few years back, my first official published piece. It actually turned out to be a seed that started rolling down a snowy hill, and that snowball has turned into my book proposal. I am having a great time reworking it, but good glory I get hungry when I write about food.

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A noted Chinese proverb says, "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime."

Moms could adapt these words to say, "Give a child good food, and she will eat good food at home. Teach her how to make wise choices with her food, and she will eat good food wherever she goes for the rest of her life."

One of the first choices we make in any day is of what to eat. Breakfast is not the largest meal of the day, but nutritionists are always telling us that it is an important one.

Why Eat Breakfast?
Consider these benefits of breakfast eating, as reported by the Mayo Clinic. Those who take the time for a good breakfast (i.e. not coffee and a doughnut!) have a tendency to eat more nutritious food in general; to accomplish more before lunchtime; to keep their weight under control; and to have lower cholesterol, thus reducing certain health risks.

Kids especially can benefit from breakfast with improved coordination, concentration, and ability to think clearly. Moms want the best for their kids, and one very simple way to give them the best is to make the effort to feed them a good breakfast each day.

With today's busy lifestyles, getting a good start can be quite a challenge. Planning ahead always helps. It starts with laying out clothes and other necessary items the night before. Then if the right food is in the pantry, and the choice for the morning already pulled to the front of the fridge, breakfast time can proceed a lot more smoothly.

What makes a good breakfast?
There are several components to any healthy meal, including protein, whole grain, dairy, and fruits and vegetables. According toUCLA Health, the magic is in the combination of elements. When we consume a breakfast with at least three of the above components, we set our bodies up to be able to regulate our blood sugar throughout the rest of the day. We also give our digestive system enough to keep it busy for longer than a bowl of sugar cereal does.

Some suggested traditional breakfast combinations include high-fiber cereal, skim milk, and a banana; whole-grain toast with peanut butter and a glass of 100% juice; a hard-boiled egg, an apple, and an English muffin; or a smoothie made with plain yogurt, fruit, and a couple tablespoons of wheat germ. Less traditional, but still appropriate, options could include leftover veggie pizza on whole-grain crust; cut-up veggies layered in a tortilla with salsa and string cheese; or even a baked potato topped with broccoli and cheese.

How Do I Train the Kids?
Moms can help their kids learn to make good breakfast choices in two ways. The first is to offer good options, by only bringing "good choice" food home from the store. Just a few alterations can make breakfast a whole lot healthier for the whole family. Change one item a month for a few months, and they will have gradually re-educated their taste buds.

Choose cereals with higher fiber, such as Raisin Bran, Shredded Wheat, and Multi-Grain Cheerios. Switch from flavored to plain yogurt, and stock up on frozen fruit to stir in. Begin to serve less juice, but make sure it is 100% juice with no sugar added, then dilute it about 20% with water. Develop the habit of only buying whole-grain bread. One final trick is to invest in some wheat germ and/or ground flaxseed, and stir it into all kinds of things from muffin mix to yogurt to oatmeal.

The second way moms influence their kids is to lead by example. When moms eat right, the kids learn to distinguish good from poor choices. This can be a challenge for those of us still loving the fact that we are on our own and have the freedom to choose! But it is so important, given our role in setting our kids up for long-term success.

More than Good Food
Choosing a smart start in the morning includes one other element. All of the child-rearing good we do is useless if we fail to teach our kids the importance of looking to God at the beginning of each day. Psalm 5:3 says, "In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation" (NIV). Again, we start by setting the example of doing so ourselves: Take a moment to invite God to be part of your morning before even getting out of bed; allow ten minutes to read God's Word before getting the kids up.

Then, help them do the same. As you greet the kids, sit down together for a moment to ask God to be part of their day. Some parents even wake their kids early enough that the kids can do their own quiet time before getting ready for school. It is so simple, yet all it takes is just a little planning ahead. And the rewards will continue for years.

Sometimes change does come hard, but a mom's job is to stand strong. The kids may complain for awhile, but soon they will have forgotten the old ways. And remember, the changes are not just to give them good fuel for the day, but to help them learn to make good choices for the rest of their lives!

Every Day Special

2011-07-12T15:22:00.000-05:00

My in-laws celebrated a wedding anniversary yesterday. I nearly missed it, but remembered in time to acknowledge them on their special day. Hubby and I brainstormed ways to make it special, and came up with a few:

Visit.
Pool.
Hand-lettered Sign.
Candles.

It seemed so special, except that it is what we do about five evenings a week, from May through September. How can something we do all.the.time be special?

I struggled with this for a bit, until I came to terms with the fact that this challenge represents a good thing. Really.

The fact is, we moved to Texas nearly four years ago, for the exact purpose of raising the kids with grandparents down the street. We spend time with those grandparents, because we have intentionally structured our lives to be able to spend time with them. We chose to fill every ordinary day with special.

Every ordinary day becomes special for followers of God, too, because every ordinary day we have something to celebrate: through the great gift of paying the price for all our icky sins, Jesus made the difference in our eternity.

In the early days of Israel's life as a nation, God set up their calendar so they would not lose sight of their special life. He gave them regular feasts and festivals throughout the year, so they would never be far from a moment of remembrance that they stood apart from every other nation, because they alone lived under the protection of the true God.

Perhaps when Jesus came and fulfilled much of the law, he was saying, "Now you may choose to celebrate your special life as often as you wish. Live each moment in light of this miracle of eternal life."

I don't always remember to be thankful for this everyday special. But when the challenges seem too steep a hill to climb; when the kids seem in danger of self destructing around the house; when my own shortcomings threaten to crush my spirit, I can always reset my mind by stopping to consider the special thread running through this and every day:

Because I confess with my mouth (and life) that Jesus is Lord, and believe with my heart that God really raised him from the dead, I know I am saved (read the promise in Romans 10:9).

Saved is an uncomfortable word for me; it sounds so Old Time Religiony. But it basically means I know when I die, my eternal spirit will go to spend its eternity in heaven, with Jesus himself.

And that everyday ordinary fact is pretty stinkin' special.

This story could have been illustrated a hundred ways. What is your everyday special?

Dreams

2011-07-11T15:53:00.000-05:00

What do you dream about? I mean the ones your brain feeds you while you sleep, not your aspirations.

Are your dreams literal or abstract? Black & white, or technicolor?

My dreams, while they vary wildly, tend to follow a certain theme. Apparently I suffer from an undiagnosed hero disorder, because I am forever trying to solve problems, rescue people, and otherwise keep Armageddon at bay while I sleep.

Except for the ones where the world becomes overrun with cats. In those dreams, I just exult in all the cats everywhere.

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But I digress.

Do you ever wonder what your dreams say about you? I am considering including a dream sequence from an actual dream I had, in a piece for publication. And suddenly I wonder, how much will this dream reveal about me, that I never intended to reveal?

I wish my dreams included more about my husband and kids. When I meet my husband in my dreams, I don't know him. I just have a vague sense that I like him, and I would like him to come with me while I try to rescue the Girl Scout camper from drowning in the lake. The kids almost never appear, unless they are grown up and I don't recognize them even in my dream-conscious.

In my understanding, we only dream about things that we didn't process enough during the day. So it makes sense that if the kids consume 99% of my waking thoughts, I don't have a continuing need to think about them at night.

Except I just remembered I do dream about my Rooster boy. Once I dreamed he fell off a ladder and his round baby head popped off. Horrified me so much I shot straight up in bed and couldn't go back to sleep.

And two nights ago, I dreamed I was chasing 6 year old Rooster down a long and windy road. Every time I thought I caught up with him, he was inexplicably further down the road. Finally, at the last house, I found him and took him home with me, along with the additional little boy we found there. And good thing, too, because the minute we got home a giant tree fell on that house, and that little boy would have been killed--

Rats. It's just another hero dream.

But seriously, I have been putting the kids to the back burner more than usual these past few weeks. I know it's just for a brief season before we start homeschool and spend all our hours together ad nauseum, but I still struggle with feeling like an adequate mom right now.

I think the exercise of putting a book idea together has been an amazing boost to my being-born writing career. The next step seems natural, of putting together a speaker sheet and beginning to communicate intentionally about the connections between spiritual truth and the physical world.

But these kids, they are young for such a brief time. I don't want to blink and realize I missed it. I am really looking forward to starting homeschool with them in a few weeks, after the rush of this amazing conference has passed. Just ten more days of crazy writing hours. . . .

It is just about time to stop the dream-conscious from using them as characters in my nightly apocalypse dramas.

What have you been dreaming about lately? Care to share?

Five Minute Friday: Grateful

2011-07-07T23:53:00.000-05:00

GO.
Okay I suck at this. I already started and deleted two sentences. Yes, I'm cheating. It's my first time.

Now GO.
When I hear the word grateful, I see an image of a silhouetted cross at the top of a hill.

I'm grateful for a life that gives me relatively little baggage to carry around, and most of it I chose for myself--it wasn't thrust upon me. This gives me fewer stories to tell, in a way, but it also frees me to step back and just tell all the stories. I don't spend all of my story telling one story, as it were.

My heart overflows when I stop to count the things for which I am grateful, to the point that I usually don't stop. It's a little uncomfortable getting all weepy over dumb things like my suburban life, or the friends that send me unprompted happy notes in the mail. I'm afraid if I stop and spend too much time being grateful for my absurdly secure life, it might all go away.

So I go back to that image of the cross on the hill. There is no shame in being grateful for that. It's the greatest gift I could ever hope to have been given. I do a terrible job of talking about it sometimes, because it's easier to focus on the generalities of love and relationship, but really, it all comes from the action of the Man on the cross. Who gave up everything so that I, with nothing, could have it all.

God is good.

STOP.

And that's all I can say in five minutes of not tweaking and pondering the turn of every phrase. Much.

Linking up today with the Gypsy Mama's Five Minute Friday. Just for fun, and because it's easier to blog for five minutes today than to try to think of anything else to say right now. I am spent from my experience assembling a book proposal. And it's a good thing.

Have a lovely weekend, friends!

Milestones

2011-07-06T00:03:00.000-05:00

Photo Credit

Hers
I still remember life before she arrived . . . although I seem to remember we anticipated her coming for a couple years before that, saying things like, "If the Larkin girl were here..."

The last two-plus years have flown so quickly, I still think of her as a baby. But she walks; she feeds herself; she talks--boatloads. And her personality grows just a little bit bigger every day.

Now she seems to be potty training before her 2.5 year mark. How is this possible? I expected to have a baby for another year, and suddenly she's a panty-wearing diva with an opinion on everything from the color of her dinner plate to which way the knives should go into the dishwasher.

At least she's still impossibly sweet about all of it, except for about four minutes a day. And I can tolerate those four minutes--as long as it doesn't become five or six.

I could grieve the fact that she's growing up too fast. She now gets herself out of bed (tonight, she did that several times, boo) and comes to get me every morning before I can crack an eye open on my own.

However, I accept her potty training as a special gift to me right now. My heart lightens as we celebrate each success; her obvious pride and growing independence provide such validation for me as a mom. This milestone brings enough satisfaction to quell the pangs of "I'm graduating from 9.5 years of diaper-changing. Now what do I do??"

Ah, that's a silly question, right? I already have all those diaper-changing minutes spoken for, and all those diaper-buying dollars spent on the "what's next."

In fact, I am attempting to start three, count 'em three new chapters in the next few months. Milestones in their own right.

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Mine
In pursuit of my dream of reaching a large audience, I am heading to my first writers and speakers conference, She Speaks, in just two weeks. Eek! Four years of anticipation almost have me faint with nerves, for no good reason besides a made-up sense of urgency as if I'm trying to pass my final exams before ever attending a single class! The truth is, I have a feeling my three day getaway to Charlotte will be the high point of 2011, and I wish I could grow my capacity to take it all in just for those few days. Kinda like I wish I could eat twice (or three times) as much for Thanksgiving dinner as on any other day of the year.

In pursuit of my vision for impacting a more local audience, I am preparing a series of workshops to be taught at my church starting in September, to help those desiring to pursue a more personal understanding of God's will in their lives. It's exciting and a bit daunting to realize that I've been involved in ministry for more than 15 years, and that I am essentially graduating to a different level of input into the life of my local church.

And in pursuit of what I understand as my highest discipleship responsibility, we will become a completely homeschool family this fall. Well, in August, since I decided to give us a week of vacation for every six weeks of "school." I think it just might turn out the greatest adventure of the three.

I appreciate everyone who is already part of this journey; and am thrilled to have recently met so many new friends on their own journey. Can't wait to see where the road leads next!

Photo Credit

God in the Yard :: Hospitality

2011-06-08T09:32:00.001-05:00

"Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality." Romans 12:13

Hospitality. The word evokes for me images of church fellowship halls, lined with long tables, loaded with steaming offerings for the Sunday afternoon potluck dinner. I can smell the coffee, hear the buzz of conversation, and feel the late summer humidity as if I stand there now...

Today I am guest posting again over at BibleDude.net, reviewing chapter 12 of L.L. Barkat's gentle look at spiritual discipline, God in the Yard.

Before continuing, you are invited to pause here and comment on what hospitality means to you. Then click over and read the rest of my post.

From comments here and on the previous post (God in the Yard :: Group Blogging Project and Giveaway), and from comments on my posts (Open:Prayer and Home:Hospitality) at BibleDude.net, I will choose a winner of a copy of God in the Yard. Winner will be chosen from comments posted by midnight EDT on Friday.

I look forward to seeing your name in the comments!

God in the Yard :: Group Project and Giveaway!

2011-05-24T23:35:00.003-05:00

I have a copy of this book to give away! Read all the way to the bottom for details.

******

Earlier this year I began blogging my way through a lovely drink of cool soul water. God in the Yard promised to gently lead me through some core spiritual disciplines to help me more fully grasp the substance of my Christian faith. Below I have included links to my beginning posts, in case you missed them.

Chapter 1: Invitation
Chapter 2: The Way
Chapter 3: Contemplation
Chapter 4: Celebration
Chapter 5: Gratitude

And about the time I hit Chapter 6, on Prayer, I also landed in 2 small groups reading through Rick Warren's The Purpose Driven Life and Stasi Eldredge's Captivating; I committed to memorize Colossians; and I received Ann Voskamp's 1000 Gifts in the mail as a prize from a blog giveaway. About that same time, I began getting up earlier to spend time reading through the Bible again; I began writing a book proposal that turned into a discipleship class to be taught through my church; and THEN I decided to withdraw my 3rd grader from public school and homeschool the remainder of the year.

If it's not one thing, it's another.

I also got hung up on prayer because, well, I did. I think I understand the value of Bible study pretty well, but sometimes I wonder why prayer comes so hard. The believing in its power part. The remembering to actually do it part. The craving it part.

But apparently Someone wanted to kick me in the pants to stop avoiding the prayer chapter, because somehow I got myself signed up for a group blogging project and somehow I got assigned the chapter on prayer!

I have posted over at Bibledude.net today, and it worked out to be an explanation of how prayer is like good sex. Oh yes, you know you have to read it now.

Be nice to me, it's my first time posting on someone else's site and I've got a little stage fright.

***GIVEAWAY DETAILS***
So here's how I'm going to work it. Contest runs from today until June 10. I received a free copy of this book to review, but I already had my own. So I'm going to give away the free one to one of my readers. I really want you to have it. To enter, please do any of the following:

Comment on my May 25 Pray post at Bibledude.net
Comment on my June 8 Hospitality post at the same location
Comment on this post
Comment on my upcoming God in the Yard June 8 post
Comment on the Facebook Fan Page.
Or tweet me and tell me you'd like to be entered to win. Include hashtag #godintheyard

Straightforward enough for you? As a non-detail person, that was a challenge for me to outline for you. I hope you feel it's fair, and I hope to have many entries!

Throw another Bucket on the Bonfire

2011-05-19T08:25:00.000-05:00

Last fall, I read through the entire Bible in 90 days. Cover to cover, every word.

This experience liberated me. As a lifelong Bible student, I had never read the whole thing in one go. I enjoyed the overarching narrative; the proportion of Old Testament history to New Testament instructions for living; the multitude of times certain topics and ideas come up. But most of all, it broke my hangup with reading the Bible as a book.

When I finished in January, I started over the next day. Just a few chapters a day this time, but enough to keep me drinking from the well a little bit at a time. Sometimes I miss for a couple weeks here and there, but thanks to having YouVersion installed on my phone, I can just pick right up where I left off.

Now I can always answer the question, "What have you been reading lately?" with a Scripture passage. God speaks to me in amazing ways as I work my way through the history of Israel. Mostly because it seems the bulk of Scripture covers little else.

Today I picked up in 1Kings (I get bogged down in the Samuel/Kings/Chronicles area EVERY. BLESSED. TIME.) and came upon chapter 18, In Which God Shows Off.

Elijah and the Prophets of Baal
It seems the Lord Almighty got fed up with wicked King Ahab being an idiot. The rest of Israel was suffering due to a 3 year drought brought on as punishment for King Ahab following the god Baal, and the time had come to end it. So God sent Elijah to challenge Ahab's 450 prophets to a Sacrifice Showdown: Whichever god could light his own sacrifice on fire, he was the true powerful god that the people should follow.

And Elijah came near to all the people and said, "How long will you go limping between two different opinions? If the Lord is God, follow him; but if Baal, then follow him." And the people did not answer him a word. (v 21)

This passage contains some of the best comedy in Scripture. Elijah gave the Baal prophets every advantage. They got to go first, and they had all day.

All morning they danced around the altar, but got no answer. At noon, Elijah taunted them that Baal must be sleeping or on a trip, or hard of hearing. So they danced harder all afternoon, even cutting themselves and letting the blood flow in order to get their god to hear them.

Finally, Elijah left them to their ceremonies and called the people to come watch his sacrifice on the altar of the Lord.

First he rebuilt it. He used 12 stones to symbolize the whole of God's people (the nation had been broken by civil discord for 2 generations by this point). He dug a trench around the stones. He put wood on the stones of the altar, and laid the pieces of the offering on top of the wood. Then he had someone pour four giant jars of water over the entire thing.

"Do it again," he said, and they did it again. "Do it a third time," he ordered, and they did it the third time. (v 34)

Elijah totally stacked the deck against himself and against his God. I sometimes wonder what the people thought at this point. Did they hang around simply to see Elijah play the fool once and for all?

Finally, the moment of truth arrived. Elijah stepped forward and addressed God simply, yet with confidence.

"Lord, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Israel, let it be known today that you are God in Israel and that I am your servant and have done all these things at your command. Answer me, Lord, answer me, so these people will know that you, Lord, are God, and that you are turning their hearts back again." (v 36-37)

And immediately, fire came from heaven and burned up the sacrifice, the wood, the stones, the soil and even the water in the trench. The whole shebang.

What's left to doubt, about who is the true and powerful God?

When all the people saw this, they fell prostrate and cried, "The Lord - he is God! The Lord - he is God!" (v 39)

Do I Trust Him?
A few years ago I faced a difficult situation. As I shared it with my friend Diane, she responded, "Throw another bucket on!"

What?

She explained what she sees and hears every time she reads this passage of Elijah and the Baal prophets. The comedy of Elijah taunting the prophets; the ludicrous way he has buckets and buckets and buckets of water poured on the sacrifice, so it runs off and makes a soggy moat around the altar; and the immediate, undeniable way God sends fire to consume the WHOLE thing: it's cinematic gold.

Then she sang me a line, to the tune of, "I love rock and roll. Put another dime in the jukebox, baby."

I have an awesome God. Throw another bucket on the bonfire, baby!

And I can't get it out of my head. This phrase has come to mean to me: Hey, so this looks impossible. So what? Nothing is impossible with God. So let's keep letting the ridiculous situation add up, knowing God's power can only shine more brightly as the situation grows more dim.

I needed to remember this story today. I've got my own uphill battle to fight, and I think God is asking me, "Do you trust me?" I think it's time I get my assumed limitations out of the way, and watch to see how He will work. So that He gets the glory, and so that someone else can see Him working to turn their hearts to Him.

When Pigs Fly: Cleaning House

2011-05-18T09:06:00.000-05:00

Never thought I would write this next sentence, but here it is: On Mother's Day, I cleaned house. Yep, that's right, pigs have flown.

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Crazy, right? But also freeing.

The Team Captain left at 9am on a weeklong business trip, and I didn't feel like braving the sympathetic small talk in the church lobby, so I took everyone straight home from the airport. I set them up with their own entertainment, and set to work organizing my kitchen cabinets. Culling, really. By the end of the day I had filled the back of my Explorer with donation boxes for the local mission.

You see, I am clearing out life clutter.

Do your possessions weigh you down? Mine tend to, especially when I can't keep them ordered and put away. To be honest, the state of my stuff reflects my mental state. And when the effort of managing my things makes me tired, it's time to take charge.

As a naturally disorganized person, I have found I need to set a few structures in place to assist me with pruning this weighty matter so I can get to the business of living. Perhaps some of these structures might help you, too.

The Accountability Factor

I found an amazing ebook, 31 Days to Clean, by Sarah Mae. And I found a blog sponsoring a Homemaker's Challenge, complete with a supporting Twitter community, going through the days of the cleaning project together. Community helps so much in attempting something new like developing housekeeping skills.

The first 9 days of the challenge walked me through cleaning out my kitchen, step by step. All I have left is the pantry, and I had just organized that a month ago. I am content to move on to day 10, in which I begin to declutter two living areas (we're not even talking upstairs yet. Baby steps here, folks).

Here's a link to another project to get you started cleaning, if you need a little kick in the pants. The community aspect of the project already happened, but it's great direction. I'm going through these five hot spots just as soon as I finish the 31 Days to Clean Project.

Simple Mom: Project Simplify

The Fantasy Motivator

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Lately we have started a running fantasy of someday selling our house, buying an RV, and traveling the nation for a year. Wouldn't that be fabulous?

We chronically have multiple crazy fantasies running, this is just the dream du jour. Another involves selling our suburban home and moving to the country to set up a homestead.

Whichever fantasy we ultimately choose to pursue, I have found I better enjoy cleaning house with that goal in mind. It provides me with motivation. I am calling it mock downsizing: pretending I have less space, and sharing my stuff I don't use with the local mission.

Pretty much the clutter-busting fantasy boils down to the fact that I don't want my stuff to own me. I want to be prepared and free to pursue whatever opportunity comes to me, whenever it comes.

The Survival Factor
I also think clutter-busting clarity will prove a critical factor to my success in homeschooling. Between the Captain's work-from-home job, and me bringing all the kids home to school, we will be all on top of each other starting the end of next week. If we are all home all the time then we need order. All of us do.

And whether or not I relish the role, I am the key coordinator of the team. My job responsibility is to plan, organize, and implement consistency for the mental health of the entire family. And I can't do that until the chaff, the clutter, the chaos--whatever you want to call it--is whittled down to size.

I read this super inspiring post from Ann Voskamp yesterday, about homeschooling and living a one-piece life, and the importance of providing consistency to the kids in the 10-and-under years:

A Holy Experience: Why Would Anyone Be Crazy Enough to Homeschool?

So I'm on a clutter-busting bender. Make no mistake, it does not come naturally. But I'm so tired of being overwhelmed, and I am in a clutter-monster-butt-kicking frame of mind.

I am here to tell you, pigs can fly.

The Angels Are Singing

2011-05-17T07:32:00.000-05:00

I'll put today's big news up front so you don't miss it:

A week shy of his sixth birthday, my man-cub prayed last night to ask Jesus in his heart and invite him to direct his life!

The Back Story

My 2011 Colossians "memory" project has turned into a "meditation" project. It's not sticking, mostly because I'm spending the time to review verses only a few days a week. But I am continuing to meditate on each week's verses in my morning stupor, hoping to at least familiarize my brain with the words.

And it seems to be all about discipleship of believers; what's not to like? I've spent a lot of time promoting discipleship. Lately I have realized it starts closer to home than a published book. It even starts closer than my local church. Discipleship starts in my home. The rest may follow, but my children are job #1.

Part of the result of that awareness has included pulling my independent firstborn out of public school to homeschool. Also, for the past week I've been working extra hard to build routine with the kids. We have begun to incorporate Morning Meditation time as well as Bedtime Routine into our day.

Morning Meditation
Morning meditation time paid off first, in the most surprising way. I have a list of "31 Virtues to Pray for your Kids" which gives a verse each day to claim a given attribute for your child. On the 12th, the verse for the day was Deuteronomy 31:6, about Courage. Miss Boo and I read through this together, discussed its meaning, and prayed through it for ourselves:

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

An hour later, a friend texted me that her husband was experiencing a physical spiritual attack. (This was follow up to something shared in small group the previous evening) So I stopped our school lesson and told Boo we were about to pray for our friend. We prayed that verse together; and I was able to respond to my friend not only that we had prayed that scripture, but that God had used the incident to give me a teachable moment with my disciple.

Incidentally, in Latin this week we learned that the word for student is discipulus. Fascinating.

Yesterday the morning meditation time paid off a second time, after we reviewed and prayed through a verse for peace. When another friend texted asking for prayer for a difficult decision she didn't want to make, I called Boo over, looked up and prayed through Isaiah 26:3 with her.

"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you."

This unmistakable connection between making the smallest effort to disciple my child, and receiving the opportunity to apply the lesson in real life, has profoundly moved me. I think I struggle with actually doing this because the enemy pours molasses on my efforts to train my children. But God rewards those who earnestly seek him.

And I am humbled--astonished, really--to see how He has multiplied my feeble efforts, immediately.

Bedtime Routine
Last week I went to visit a friend for two nights. Her attention to order and structure within the home inspired me. For some reason, seeing their dinner-thru-bedtime routine in action suddenly helped me imagine such a thing for myself.

Since we returned home last Wednesday, I have worked diligently from dinner onward to get the kitchen cleaned up, get the family outside for exercise, bathe all the children, and read stories together before bed. We started reading Little Pilgrim's Progress in installments.

Last night, I was 6 paragraphs into chapter 4 when Rooster stopped me to ask, "What is heaven?" And the Team Captain had the presence of mind to follow up with him. Five minutes later, we were all curled up in the bed with him, except Boo who hung in from the top bunk, and I got to help him say the words:

"Jesus, I love you. Thank you for dying on the cross so I could be forgiven. Please forgive all the sins I have ever done, and all the sins I will ever do. Please live in my heart and be in charge of my whole life. Amen."

What a privilege.

I don't know what's left, or what to attempt next. Well, I do, but this now marks 2 of my 3 kids making the ultimate commitment to be Christ disciples. Now I just keep on with the discipleship, one faltering step at a time. I am feeling the blessing of understanding that when I simply obey, God works. It's a wild ride.

Clearing Fog

2011-05-06T04:44:00.000-05:00

Ahh, a month has passed since I last posted. Sometimes you have to walk away from good things in your life for a season, in order to focus on things of higher priority.

Becoming a homeschool mom seems to have taken about the same amount of start up energy as adding a new member to our family: ten weeks of fog and a gradual approach to a new normal.

Today technically marks the end of our seventh homeschool week. Three more weeks until the end of the local district school year, meaning the ten week mark will coincide with my kindergarten son coming home to join us. Three more weeks to "get the hang of it" in an experimental-type setting. Then our June road trip, a July break including science camp, and an August dive in to the new paradigm.

And I think we are well on our way to success with this adventure, although the sacrifice so far amounts to exactly what I thought: less time and energy for writing and discipleship outside the home. Practically none, in fact.

Yesterday, upon finding me stretched out on the floor, putting every ounce of my pathetic brainpower into deciding which of three options to make for dinner, the Captain rightly assessed I had nothing left to offer the day and shooed me out of the family circle. So I took to bed at 7pm last evening, full of migraine and mental fatigue.

Sure enough, I awoke at 3am full of anticipation for a new day. And here I am, blogging in the blessedly quiet wee hours. This needs to become habit. If only I could do something about my need for sleep...

How to Avoid a Homeschool Meltdown

2011-04-07T23:51:00.000-05:00

I congratulate myself that after a mere two weeks in the homeschool arena I have already stumbled upon the surest way to pour molasses on the gears of forward progress. Behold as I share it with you:

Begin with the assurance of a professional that your child is highly intelligent, mixed with learning impaired, and "if you have the resources, I recommend you seek an alternate educational situation for her."
Pull the plug on sending your child to school. The next day (I still feel this was the best decision I have yet made in regards to her education). Resolve to use the rest of the school year spending quality time together. a.k.a. "de-school".
Score on getting your kid enrolled in a private half-day half-homeschool. Embark on getting her academically "in shape" to join this group of academically advanced students.
Spend a week going through the book "What your Third Grader Needs to Know" (foundational material of said half-day school) and feeling depressed that your student identifies familiarity with very little of the content. Commit to covering a year's worth of math curriculum in about ten weeks.
At the same time, try to get her up to speed on the classical trivium method you always thought you would use if you attempted homeschool WITHOUT the half-day option. Attempt to cover a 250 year time period, including famous people, famous literature, famous music, and even a bit of science. Oh, and begin to study Latin.
In the process, lose sight of your quiet time, regular Bible reading, Bible memory project, and time spent in prayer for others. Did I mention personal time? It has been sacrificed.

I have followed this recipe for a meltdown. So how am I not having a meltdown yet?

An interesting tree on one of our educational nature walks

First, I have felt prayer support as seldom before in my life. I feel carried along.

Second, I have recognized that my goals of "de-school" and "get up to speed" are mutually exclusive. And I'm starting to think my tasks of building the gifted/impaired student's confidence, and finding the keys to unlock learning for the child, probably trump the convenience of parking her in an academically rigorous, still-traditional learning environment sixteen hours a week.

We will be slowing down to smell the roses more next week. I'm looking forward to it. If we get her "up to speed" in time for the reassessment in May, and she does well with it, then super. But I'm going to stand strong right now in the need to slow down and redefine learning.

Additionally, I am beginning to come to terms with the definition of "gifted." As much as I would like to consider this a "label" I think it's a much bigger factor than that. I found a term tonight called "twice exceptional" that seems to describe my learner with startling clarity, including the fact that she can be exceptionally smart yet be an underachiever. I know this child is an amazing creature, full of fantasy and curiosity about whatever holds her interest at the moment. I have trouble seeing where she excels at anything that could be called "gifted."

And even more than before, I think I have a tiger by the toe. What world might open up for this child if I can help her unlock her brain? The sheer wonder glimpsing the treasure box of her potential, blows me away.

The most important thing I know I need to do Right.Away is to return to following hard after God. Instead of spending all my (precious, extra) time prepping or talking about homeschooling (hey, I need a few minutes for processing here) or grieving the loss of writing time, I resolve to just continue to Drink from the Well of God's Living Word. I remain confident of this, that he who began the good work in me will be faithful to complete it.

Are you trying to avoid a homeschool meltdown? Or seeking a way out of another meltdown? Drop me a line, let me know how I can pray for you. I don't have all the answers, but I do know how to lift the questions up to the One who does.

Like Riding a Bike

2011-04-05T23:05:00.000-05:00

The fog in my brain tonight reminds me of the fog I walked through in the weeks following the birth of each of my children. This makes sense, considering that undertaking homeschool in some ways resembles the life change of bringing home a new baby. Fortunately, I know from triple experience that the fog eventually lifts. So I keep putting one foot in front of the other.

My encouraging first week experience led me to raise my expectations; at the same time, I seem to have lowered my performance output. As a result, Monday and Tuesday have felt brutal. Lack of focus, increased resistance from the student, and allowing new thoughts and ideas to use part of my processing power; all have combined to take away from a repeat of our magical time last week.

Photo Credit

Last week, I imagined myself taking on the new skill of homeschooling in the way a child learns to ride a bike. The child scoots along on training wheels for awhile while he learns the mechanics, then a parent removes the extra wheels and pushes him while running along beside until the child learns balance. My image had God as the watchful parent.

By the end of last week I found I had not fallen off the bike once, had no skinned knees or elbows, and felt I might be learning the trick of balancing. Hooray for victory!

This week I seem to be pulling a classic learning blunder. The moment I sense any control of the bike at all, I shout to the parent, "I've got it!" and charge off confidently in the direction of my dreams. Only I don't really know enough to thrive on my own, so the first thing that happens is that I steer directly for the side of the road and crash into a ditch. I forgot to learn how to stop.

So I pick myself up, get another helping hand and running start from the parent, and start off again, better this time. Hoping to get further before the next crash.

Except I have had a revelation. God is not the training wheels. He is also not the parent holding the bike, running along beside me while I learn. In fact, God is the bike.

Maybe whenever I get that, really get it, I will also learn to stop fighting the direction of the bike. And just ride wherever it goes.

I want to get all uptight about what to do schoolwise for the fall. The options before me all present a complicating factor here or there. Nothing contains the perfect solution.

But thank the Lord, he gave me just a quick flash of wisdom today: It's all in his hands. I am not trying to do what I think is best. I am only taking one small step at a time and being obedient to God's plan. If he wants me to write and begin teaching discipleship through church, then he will make time, order, and focus for me to do so along with homeschooling. Or he will provide a way for both kids to go to the 1/2 day school we are looking in to.

It's not my problem.

Now, where was I? Oh, yes, school. Sorry, gotta run. I've got a day job now, and I need a little time for prep.

Homeschool Progress Report

2011-04-04T21:00:00.000-05:00

I believe I officially fell off the radar 3.5 weeks ago. Seems hard to believe that's the extent of it. I still don't feel like a homeschool parent. But we have had a partial week and a full week, and are now into our third week. Interested parties keep asking, "How's homeschool going?"

I feel like answering, "Good, bad, ugly, and awesome." Truthfully, it's too soon to tell the kind of big picture answer I love to have. But I have a few observations about our experience so far.

I must have had low expectations for the first week, because we met or exceeded most of them. Or perhaps they were simply realistic, as I have pondered this course of action for five years.

I successfully set goals, documented my plan for each day and plotted actual time usage. I believe goal planning ten weeks of a school year was a great preparation for planning a full year.

The #1 goal was and is to spend quality time with my free-spirited firstborn; to strengthen our relationship. We are doing that. Especially when I keep reminding myself over and over, "Quality time." It helps me let go of worry for the things we are not doing.

My house is more clean than I expected.

I had more free time than I expected, including two glorious soul-filling nights out with girl friends.

My pupil and I did butt heads, but not as much as I expected.

I am really tired, which I totally expected.

Actually getting my hands on this girl's learning time, after four years of being afraid to demand it, has proven revelatory. She strongly resists buckling down to work, but what kid doesn't? I have always allowed her to resist, since she feels she works all day in school. Now she does not have that excuse, and when I call her on it, she brings her effort and we have a decent session. I hope that by the time school lets out in May, we will have worked through this particular hang-up. Maybe at least in part?

I have noticed her struggle with perfection. Every time she gets an answer wrong, she pounds her fist on her head while muttering, "I'm so stupid!" And I just want to take her in my arms and reassure her that failure is an essential part of learning; that nobody comes to the party knowing everything; that school is all about training the brain. Compassion for her has replaced my former impatience (mostly), as I try to encourage her and show her where she is already growing and learning. I guess that makes big-picture goal #2 to build her confidence in herself and her abilities.

As for my previous life (and subject matter), I probably have readers who wonder where it disappeared to. I privately wonder, too. But I am fairly confident that once I get homeschool underway, I might find it again. Actually, some neat things seem to be in the works behind the scenes, that I will discuss in a different post. For now, I know this is my number one job. And it seems to have gotten off to a pretty decent start, for which I thank God and the many people that have been praying for us through this transition.

For now, onward and upward.

Futility

2011-04-01T05:39:00.001-05:00

Remember back in the garden of Eden, when the man and the woman screwed up, and they each received a curse? His had to do with pulling weeds, hers had to do with pain in childbirth.

Every time I work in my garden I find myself thinking this: The woman who pulls weeds has inherited double the curse.

Lest you think farmers have all the fun, the curse refers to a futility common to all endeavors. Wherever one tries to put out fires, others flare up. Eliminate one knotty problem, and something else falls apart.

I contend that women share that curse, as well.

At least, the Enemy wants me to believe I do.

I do pull weeds better than the average person. I pride myself on that.

But housework? Talk about a sense of futility. No sooner do I get the dishes clean than it's time to make dinner. No sooner do I get all the laundry folded and put away in one fell swoop than we have company or someone wets their bed (not me!) or the kids decide to spend the afternoon throwing mud at one another down by the pond.

Oh, and I was kidding about the weeds. No sooner do I pull them than they come back. Like, within a week. I really hate weeds.

I spun around today, feeling my usual unfocused, low-productive self.

I missed my #hellomornings tweetup. Wow do I love those girls and the accountability they give me, and I felt the loss of my morning quiet time all day long.

I didn't shower, never even dressed. I couldn't manage to do a simple errand for my honey, so he had to go do it himself. I didn't clean bathrooms, mow the yard, or pull any weeds.

And just to kick me in the gut a little more, Lulu's lovey got left in the car after dinner and went to the movies with Daddy by mistake. We have had a very tearful evening around here, and all of us are ready for Daddy to return with the lovey so we can all go to sleep. Intellectually, I just do not have what I want in order to be instructive in this moment. Feels like futility.

But today I suddenly had a glimmer that maybe I shoulder more of this futile sense than I should. Because the rest of the picture shows:

I took Rooster to school on a not-my-turn-to-carpool day, and picked up milk on my way home. And took out trash. And made my bed.

I worked with Boo on math facts, poetry, cursive, volume, and molecules.

I played phonics games with Lulu and read to her. I also managed to include her in some of Boo's math work, so she could feel part of school without disrupting it.

I watered the garden; emptied the dishwasher; cleaned off the counters; mopped the kitchen floor; vacuumed; and folded and put away laundry.

I then suggested we eat out, to prolong the experience of a clean kitchen.

I allowed the big kids to play down the street by the pond for an hour before bedtime. Followed by which I singlehandedly bathed all three children before bed, as hubby had dropped us off from dinner and gone back out to see a movie with some friends.

And I realized that upon combining today's accomplishments with my victory from earlier this week of getting the two kids' rooms clean, not to mention Tuesday's task of finally tending to the freezer after the great Unplugging Debacle of February (just guess--you don't really need a story), I could just clean bathrooms tomorrow and have a nice clean house. As long as you don't count my room.

In short, I don't really know how I accomplished so much today.

Of course for a truly deep clean I'd have to address baseboards, cubbyholes, and use a fair amount of Lemon Pledge--but that's the voice of the Enemy again, whispering Futility in my ear.

The voice of Hope says, Look at all you did accomplish today. It may not have looked like the stellar superstar TV moms make it look, but my day worked out far from futile. The Enemy is a big fat liar, and I choose not to listen to him today. And that's where I want to put my thoughts to sleep. Because now that Daddy is home with the lovey and all the children are finally asleep, I am outta here.

Backyard school

2011-03-31T10:43:00.000-05:00

I love my garden. I love taking “before” pictures of my garden.

This does not make me a good gardener, just someone who loves new beginnings as much as the thrill of dirt under fingernails. As you get to know me you might realize I have few “after” pictures of my garden. A love for new beginnings doesn't always translate well to strong finishes, and I have more than once lost a garden mid-season because I suddenly lost interest in watering.

Fortunately, living in South Central East Texas (confused yet? Translate to: somewhere north of Houston) gives me two opportunities a year for new beginnings. And this spring just might be a season of grand success.

What makes this season different? Well, for one thing I got started on time. Plant date in my zone works out to March 7, and by now we are in full swing. I have harvested a few strawberries, and have a handful of tomatoes and peppers already set. Today I even discovered my 13 month old artichoke plants, recently transplanted out of the greenhouse into a patch of native clay, have set flowers for the first time. Meaning I've got three baby artichokes growing out there. Squeee!

The second reason I predict success has to do with my new gardening buddy. Upon beginning our third grade homeschool experiment a week ago, gardening seemed a natural place to combine her interest with my needs. She is a little scientist, and I hope to use the garden to teach her a bit about the scientific method.

We have made a growth and observation chart. We catalogued each of the plants in the greenhouse (about 70% of my garden) and chose one of each to measure each week throughout the season. We measured height, number of flowers, and number of set “fruits”, and noted general appearance and presence of pests. We will also mark each time we water, and whenever we harvest, and how much.

Our observation plants include:
Big Bertha Sweet Pepper
Early Girl Tomato
Broccoli
Okra
Basil
Red Onion

Along the way, I discovered that “measuring” a red onion or a broccoli plant looks different than a tomato or a pepper. She discovered . . . well I am not sure yet. I had to remind her that she only had 90 minutes of school today, and she could darn well get over her attitude about playing number games with me in the garden! But really, I pray for patience in every moment. I hope to find some way to capture her interest in documenting the world around her. She so enjoys learning on her terms, but balks at anything that smacks of “making a report.”

I crave success with this garden because really, I have undertaken two gardens this season. I am carefully tending both, trying to pull weeds, seeking appropriate plants for each, and praying for the consistency to water each every day.

The stakes for the garden of my daughter's heart are a little higher than for my backyard garden, but the challenge remains the same. Can I trust God to grow it? Can I pray for strength to see it through the season? Can I learn to nurture each bit of fruit and harvest it at the proper time?

By posting at least once a month about this season in my dual gardens, I hope to develop that needed consistency, and to show encouraging progress to both my homeschooler and me. My fingers are crossed for a few strong progress reports and a stellar “after” picture.

Read stories of other homeschool families as they learn about gardening and related life lessons by visiting the Homeschool Village here:

To Catch a Tiger

2011-03-28T14:19:00.000-05:00

My firstborn has stretched and surprised me since the day she was born. She has always marched to the beat of her own drum. I thought she was individual in the ways all children are different, but recently we realized she is truly a rare breed.

Eeny
In preschool she never desired to participate in group activities. At church, she would sit and watch as the rest of the class sang and danced their way through “Father Abraham”.

Meeny
I signed her up for creative movement class, hoping to capitalize on her 3-year-old need for activity. She stood at the edge of the group and wrapped herself in a curtain while the other 11 students listened raptly to the teacher, who had enough audience that she left my treasure alone in her solitary world.

Miney
Later, we tried tumbling for tots. She enjoyed it, but then used all her time between turns running to the far end of the gymnasium and slamming herself full force into the pads.

Moe
My favorite example of this child’s personality came at the end of her only semester of preschool. Ms. Jodi gave each child an award for something at which she excelled. One child was a good friend; another was pegged with artistic promise. My daughter received the “Coyote Pack Leader” award. Apparently every day at free time, she would gather the other nine children in the class and lead them to the top of the playground structure, where they would howl at the moon together.

Catch a Tiger by the Toe
“Coyote Pack Leader” summed up my daughter beautifully. Deliciously awkward; an enthusiastic herder of other children; forever busy. I came to recognize these as leadership traits, and realized my job as her mother entails steering her, helping refine those strong qualities into their most positive light.

We sent her off to kindergarten with high hopes that “the system” would somehow help smooth those rough edges. Instead we got reports of hands and feet going places they shouldn’t. I learned I could not send yogurt for lunch, because the container could not survive the journey from home to cubby to cafeteria, between all the spinning and banging into walls she did while in line.

In first grade, our princess intervened in a playground fight. One boy threatened to hit another in the face. Her sense of justice took charge, and she hit the offending boy first. Guess who went to the office for that? Another time her classmates were mocking a substitute teacher’s name. She stood up and screamed at them that they weren’t being nice. For thanks, the teacher sent home a pink slip to me that she was out of control during class. Hrm. First grade’s primary teacher characterized her as being in the bottom 10% of the class in social development, but remained optimistic that she would catch up.

Second grade brought a boy with extreme social and behavioral issues into her life, and they became best friends. That year, we had a hard time telling whether her challenges were personal or related to being the one who could best communicate with her friend. I seriously considered pulling her out for homeschool about this time last year; but we decided her biggest developmental need was social practice, so we left her in the system.

By the time the third grade parent teacher conference rolled around last October, I had the script memorized, “Your daughter is really bright! But I honestly have no idea how she learns anything, because she never seems to be paying attention.” This year we also began to feel the teachers were quietly telling us our daughter was disruptive, and what were we going to do about it?

If She Hollers, Let Her Go
Finally, after mounting frustration with the increasingly accusatory tone from the teachers, and after several months of soul searching, we took her for a psychological evaluation. And boy, am I glad we did. A week later, we sat in a small office across from the psychologist as he went over her report. As expected, she tested consistent with ADHD.

But there was more. The ADHD is more a manifestation of a high intelligence than a disability. Many smart people in history could tell you that the trade-off for brains is a reduced ability in other areas, such as social development. Our daughter simply has a quick and busy mind that is bored to tears in school, a combination that tends to get her in trouble.

A wave of recognition crashed over both of us immediately: school will never wear down her rough edges. What’s more, her intelligence level actually measures above even the gifted and talented kids the district supposedly seeks out. She has a diagnosed condition addressed by the school district, but she doesn’t qualify to receive help unless she is failing. And she is too smart for that..

Sometimes you just have to accept that a square peg will never fit into a round hole.

Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Moe
So what alternatives lie open for us? The psychologist recommended we look into other options for education. So we have something new to think about this week.

In the meantime, why waste any more time fighting the system in third grade? A fresh wind blows. We have decided to school her at home the remainder of this year, while we research other options.

Today we started the first full week of school at home. After considering this option for years, I am a little nervous to actually attempt it. But this tiger is worth catching, and hugging until I cannot hug any more.

Just Enough

2011-03-23T23:05:00.001-05:00

From my journal for Tuesday, March 22.

Today I withdrew my daughter from public school.
Today I have an exquisite sore throat, the cap (I hope) on six weeks of sickness in our house.
Today I put the Captain on a plane for the rest of the week, for a last-minute business trip.
Today I needed to prepare for small group tomorrow night
Today I got up early to prepare my heart for all the day would hold -- only to fall back asleep on the sofa and oversleep regular start time by almost an hour.

It did not take very many minutes of today for me to realize I had nothing for it. I started at a deficit, and had no adrenaline with which to catch up.

And yet, at each step, I have been given just enough for the moment:

Teachers and administrators, while obviously curious, have simply complied with my every request for conferences and paperwork.
The pain of my sore throat has been lessened by taking a painkiller (go figure).
My complicated schedule worked out seamlessly. I even had time for a nap.
One friend offered to bring me lunch. Another sent words of encouragement. A third called and was available to pick up baby so I could focus on my meetings at school.
After anticipating four hours of reading and developing a discussion, I found study questions online. Boom, done.
And the final grace, I won a powerful time management App as part of a Twitter party.

Sometimes I feel as if the road stretches out ahead of me, with no discernible changes or challenges on the horizon.

More often, as today, I feel my way ahead through a dark maze. Today I especially sense the darkness, as I embark on a brand new journey of homeschooling while in the grip of sickness, without my primary support by my side.

I feel out of my depth.

But I think today also marks an occasion in which "let go and let God" seems entirely appropriate. I keep hearing myself mutter, "God, be enough in this moment, because I've got nothing."

Photo credit

And something causes me to stop and consider: Isn't this exactly where our Father wants us to stay all the time? All those times I think I see the road stretching straight out in front of me, those are not times of clarity; rather, they are times of illusion. None of us can truly see further than this moment, even on a good day.

I wonder how many missteps I would avoid if I could remember, at each moment, to wait for the light to show me the next step. What blessings might come my way if I acknowledge my God as the light for every step, not just the ones I question?

So today, I pause and whisper, "Thank you." Thanks that I see more clearly than ever, because I have the presence to recognize I only need to see the next step. And God always gives me just enough light to see where to place my foot.

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.
Psalm 119:105

Putting 'Me' On Hold

2011-03-21T06:00:00.001-05:00

Since the day I became a parent, I have felt the cramp in my personal style.

Don't get me wrong; I like the new style okay. Kids are an amazing blessing, and my life feels so full in ways it would not be without them. But mentally, I think of myself as the age at which I had my first child: 28. And the further I physically get from that age, the greater my sense of loss as I wonder, when will it be my time again?

Here is my true confession: I am lazy and self-centered. No, really, ask my husband and he will tell you. And I have concluded that kids just don't mix well with those two faults. I do a terrible job of paying attention to them, because I am so worried about getting what I need. And I never get enough of what I need, which is time alone.

Over the years, I have attempted (half-heartedly) to grow out of these faults. But progress has been slow.

Fortunately (depending on one's perspective), I think I just hit the jackpot of growth accelerator. I am about to start my own homeschool.

I first read the allegorical story of Hind's Feet on High Places at the age of eight. It immediately captivated me and even influenced the direction of my life.

The journey Much-Afraid (the primary character) undertakes includes elements of every believer's spiritual journey; so throughout my life I have had repeated flashbacks of the story as I encounter situations similar to hers. This week, I think of her arrival at a bend in her path, one that leads in the opposite direction of her goal of the mountain tops, down into a desert valley.

Although at first her heart feels broken at the apparent detour, she eventually decides to trust the Shepherd's path. She builds a little altar and sacrifices her need to determine her course, and says, "Behold your servant, Acceptance-with-Joy." Then she proceeds into the valley.

I want to be able to say that this week. "Behold me, Father, I accept your path with joy."

I know I want to write; to put words to paper and smith them until they shine. I know I want to develop discipleship materials for new believers, and to begin actually discipling women young in their faith.

I have a sense of purpose.

But guess what? My first job remains to my children. And right now one of them needs me, to pour into her as much as she can handle. While I might like to say, "But my writing!" I know God will hold that for me as I start a new journey, one to homeschool my brilliant, strong-willed, socially off-beat, active, very tactile learner.

When Much-Afraid reached the end of her journey, she learned that she could not have made it through some parts of the path, had she avoided the detour through the wilderness. The path through the valley had not been pleasant, but she had grown stronger as a result of it.

I do not know from this perspective, how much time will be left for me to write, train, and mentor after I complete jobs # 1-4: God time, husband time, children time, house time. But even if the writing ends up waiting until my 2 year old graduates from high school (which I doubt), even then I choose to trust that this path is the most important one to be on right now. I choose to accept with joy the privilege of putting my personal dreams on hold, in order to invest in my one-of-a-kind firstborn.

But: Kimberly and Caroline? I am still attending SheSpeaks Conference. Believe me, I will be VERY ready to get out by then!

In the Right Place

2011-03-10T15:13:00.001-06:00

A week ago I phoned the Small Groups Pastor at my church and asked if I could help out teaching the next membership class. As in, after attending and observing, maybe next time I could help present the content, to gain speaking experience.

In my long term plan, perhaps someday I could even be a contributing member of the Spiritual Development team. I hoped, but expected little.

By the end of the call, he had given me 30 minutes of the next 90 minute class to speak on Prayer, Bible study, and the importance of Small Groups. I had 5 days to prepare.

Oh, and by the way, all the dreams I have for further discipleship of the many people within the church who are just feeling their way through the Christian life, knowing they need something beyond Sunday morning services or even book discussion groups? I should go ahead and begin to sketch that out, too. Words echoed over the line, You are an answer to prayer.

The exact phrase that went through my head as I ended that call: Feels like drinking from the firehose.

Surprise, sometimes you end up right where you are meant to be.

I have considered my sense of growing into a new phase as a message that my time has come to publish a book. But perhaps I commit my usual sin of leaping in the direction I think God points, instead of walking with him step by step.

Remember Abraham? God made him a promise that he would have as many descendants as stars in the sky. But by the age of 85, ten years after the giving of the promise, Abraham thought he had better give God a hand. So he made a baby with his wife's servant.

That did not work out so well.

God still blessed the child of that union, Ishmael, but To.This.Day the children of that line remain at odds with the children of the promise. That would be all the unrest you hear about in the Middle East.

The child of the promise, Isaac, came when the time was right. After Abraham had celebrated his 100th birthday. When nobody but God could claim to have orchestrated that one.

Book publishing still lies within my sights. But here I see something to give the process greater authenticity. It just so happens that the areas that drive me in discipleship mirror the topics about which I would write. So I called. And God accepted my offer, then gave me more.

It's a small thing, really. Volunteer leadership in my church pays about as well as my blogging, and my job as a mom. But in my heart I feel the resounding YES that leadership in discipleship represents that next phase I felt coming. Writing--better writing--will grow from that.

Really, if I ever publish a book, it will be God's wisdom within its pages. Otherwise I prefer not to write.

Do you sense God leading you right now? Like Abraham trying to fulfill the promise his own way, do you sometimes try to force movement in the direction you think he is leading?

One of the hardest lessons of the Christian life says WAIT.

When we don't know what way to step, I think the obvious step always moves in God's direction. Go back to Scripture, go back to prayer. When He knows the time is right, when only He can receive credit for your growth, then He will move.

And when He does move, you had better step back. Because He is not shy with the firehose.

Drink :: Time for a Fresh Glass

2011-03-07T22:08:00.000-06:00

In Central Texas, spring already raises her head. New plants and seeds went into the garden two weeks ago, and a pea-sized Early Girl tomato already grows in my greenhouse.

Spring, the season of new beginnings; of growth.

Part of the new beginning was born out of a week's worth of hard uprooting, reclaiming the bed along the back fence from native grasses that thrive on unattended soil. New shoots already poke up, offending remnants of the underground root network I tried vainly to remove cleanly.

A week's worth of hard uprooting might do my soul some good right now, too.

Seems like the slightest breeze turns my steps to the right or left, away from the direct path toward my Maker. The smell of spring; a sick kid; time to register for a long-awaited conference; steps toward greater leadership within my local church; a new blog design.

Thanks to my yearlong commitment to Drink Deeply from the well of God's living water, I continually adjust my steps back toward center. Today felt like an off-center day, and it wrapped up with a (very nicely worded) rejection letter. Not too painful--well, maybe a little more so than I expected--but enough to check me once again.

What am I about here? If pride received a blow, then perhaps, like the weeds in my garden, I have some tending to do.

I sit here so grateful for the knowledge that despite a day of knowing I ignored a quiet summons in the wee hours, my Maker is still waiting patiently for me. It's time to go take care of some weeds.

She Speaks 2011 :: To Equip, Empower, and Inspire

2011-03-07T14:00:00.001-06:00

I can hardly believe registration is live.

The day I discovered She Speaks in 2008, I drew in a reverent breath and thought, "This was made for me!"

My heart's desire has always been to equip, empower and inspire others to take a step in their spiritual journey. In 2008, I was first spreading my wings as a writer; beginning to understand my obsession with words as a God-given impulse, designed to be used as a ministry tool.

The She Speaks conference exists to equip, empower and inspire women as speakers, writers and Christian leaders, so they can better encourage others in their spiritual journey. It seems a perfect match.

The timing was not quite right, however. Nor was I really ready. But I have watched, and waited, and hoped each year that my time would come soon. Similar to getting a passport before having a travel date, I read MaryBeth Whalen's "For the Write Reason" as preparatory material. I submitted and had an article published via Proverbs 31's website in October 2009.

In three years I have grown as a writer; as a mother; as a wife; as a friend; as a member of my local church body; as a child of God. The need to speak my mind has been slowly replaced with a need to speak His mind. Followed by a deeper need to seek His mind, for only then do I have any wisdom worth sharing.

Last fall, just weeks after the 2010 conference, my husband and I agreed that this would be the year. It will be my first conference, my debut, into a new career of writing and speaking to equip, empower, and inspire women in their spiritual journey.

The anticipation has continued to escalate as I attempt to use this year (now five months left!) to prepare myself as much as possible for this experience. It has given me a timeframe

to build my blog;
to dive into freelance writing opportunities;
to seek out speaking opportunities;
and even, scary enough, to put together a book proposal.

Today I submit my name into consideration for a scholarship to the conference. I am so excited to attend; to fellowship with peers in this world of Christian media; to learn as much as possible; and hopefully even to meet some of the people whose names and words I see online all the time.

A quick note to Lysa and your lovely team of judges: I am thrilled to have you here visiting my corner. May you continue to be richly blessed as you invest your energies into equipping leaders in Christian ministry. THANK YOU!!!

To be honest, I will attend this conference one way or another. I am about to complete my registration, begun Friday but tabled while I prayed over the breakout session choices. I already have enough affirmation to stand tall and know my calling as a writer. My husband supports me in this financial commitment.

But oh, how sweet to add the blessing of a scholarship to a weekend full of even half what this conference promises to hold.

Do you need something to equip, empower, and inspire you as you attempt to follow God's call toward writing or speaking ministry? Check out She Speaks, and let me know if I might see you there!

What's the Big Deal about Small Groups?

2011-03-04T14:11:00.000-06:00

Not At Home In Mitford
Do you live in Mitford?

Mitford is a fictional pastoral mountain town, full of idiosyncratic church ladies and charming, rascally little boys, created by novelist Jan Karon. While Mitford exists only in the mind of the novelist and her readers, she based her creation on the real life pastoral mountain town of Blowing Rock, North Carolina.

I don't live in Mitford. I don't live in Blowing Rock, either.

I live in what feels to me like a small town, when compared to my previous hometowns of Santa Monica, California; Detroit, Michigan; and Salt Lake City, Utah. The population of our combined metropolitan area here in Texas totals about 175,000. I continually find wonder in the many connections found here, from friends who know one another to the ease of word of mouth referrals.

But this small town really stretches the meaning of small. I love the idea of life in a really small town, one with 2000 occupants. Or maybe only 500. I imagine knowing everyone and being known; neighbors helping out upon the birth of a baby or unexpected illness; pastors and doctors making house calls.

A church building in idyllic Blowing Rock, NC

Community Outside Mitford
The pace of life and the size of my city conspire to remove the small-town feel from my life. I have sociable neighbors, but we all move in our own social circles. I attend a great church; but with 5 services, each seating about 300 people, it becomes difficult to know anyone well.

How does one find real small-town community in a world like mine?

In any community of more than 200 people, cells begin to develop: smaller groups that look out for one another and function as a mini community within the larger one. Many churches foster these smaller communities with elective groups, designed for 7-15 members, that meet outside the large church meeting times. These groups might be called Home Groups, because they typically meet in homes; Life Groups, because they are organized around common life interests such as sports, pets, kids, marriage, or a Bible study book; or Small Groups, because they represent a complimentary facet to the Large Group weekend and evening services.

We may be convicted to change as a result of something we hear in a weekend message, but lasting life change happens in the context of Small Groups.

In my incredibly scientific estimation, Small Group involvement counts for 50% of the church experience. When the church is larger than 200 people, the pastor simply cannot appropriately shepherd everyone. Here I present my three fact-filled reasons why I believe this statistic.

Spiritual Growth: In Small Group, individuals are known. Their struggles, their dreams, their spiritual growth are all fostered as they have a chance to interact with others about what they are learning along their journey.

Connection: In Small Group, individuals are noticed. People are by nature relational. Those who come only to Sunday services may end up moving on after a few months, not understanding why they can't seem to connect with this church. But those who seek out and find a Small Group, gain a sense of ownership and belonging within the church family. This increases when an alert small group leader contacts them after missing a meeting or two, to ask directly, "How are you doing?"

Care: In Small Group, individual needs can be identified and met. Babies, illness, car trouble, and all variety of prayer needs can be addressed in the context of this size group, thus freeing up the pastor to pursue his direct line to God for next Sunday's message.

I have been part of Small Groups at different churches off and on since 1997, and have led several times since 2004. This semester my husband and I are corralling two groups under one roof, as the men read John Eldredge's Wild at Heart and the women read the companion book Captivating. Over the years we have learned that the content is seldom as critical as the relationships formed through the experience of meeting together every week or two.

The investment to join a Small Group returns dividends in spiritual growth, connection, and spiritual care.

I would love to hear what Small Groups look like in your church community. Have you taken the step to get involved? If not, what's holding you back?

God in the Yard :: Gratitude

2011-02-28T15:08:00.002-06:00

For a month now, I have attempted to find the words to express one of the first beautiful lessons encountered during my yearlong journey to memorize Colossians. This post sort-of feels out of order, as it represents a "Part 3" to that thought. I will address what feel to me like Parts 1 and 2 later; but this thought stands alone and fits the theme of this week's chapter of God in the Yard: Gratitude.

We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way:

Bearing fruit in every good work, growing in knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. Colossians 1:9-12 (Emphasis mine)

The latter part of this passage outlines four ways we can "live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way." Notice the fourth way involves gratitude: gratitude that as Christ followers, we have been promised a share in the eternal kingdom of light.

The promise of eternal life inspires gratitude indeed; perhaps we demonstrate that gratitude by our appreciation for the (very) many smaller gifts we already receive in the now.

I think of myself as living in this kind of gratitude. I try to appreciate the immense gift I have received, of a lifetime of love. My parents gave me their best, with God's help. My husband dotes on me. I feel loved and supported by friends in at least five (perhaps twenty-five) states. I have been entrusted with three small lives to shape and train, and they all love me. My life overflows with blessing.

A photo I took years ago, representing an image described in the book:

a plant growing out of a stone.

She called her mental image, "Impossible hope and God's generosity." L.L. Barkat

In Chapter Five: Sky, L.L. Barkat discusses the open spaces left in the roof of historic architecture such as the Parthenon, to allow interaction between humans and the divine. Whether conscious or not, deistic or not, humans tend to refer to the sky as an authority figure.

Interaction goes both ways: it allows the divine to reach down to touch the mundane; and it also allows the mundane to reach up to touch the divine. The author further suggests the open space allows the divine access to our moments of worship.

I think of myself as a grateful person, especially to the divine. Yet for some reason I have historically resisted ever listing my reasons for gratitude. After reading about open spaces it strikes me that perhaps I fear the intensity of the divine.

Perhaps I view God as authoritarian, like the sky, so I resist opening a window onto something stern and harsh. During my personal worship time, what if I left an open space between me and the vast sky; and what if the object of my worship were to actually draw near to hear my gratitude confessions, and look me in the eye, and smile? Sometimes I feel safer when I keep the roof closed, try to have a good attitude, and just send nonverbal messages.

But I have no reason to see God that way. I have experienced God as nothing but good. Maybe I can acknowledge that God is worthy of my respect and caution, while also understanding him as a father who wants to give good gifts to his child.

Gratitude is a critical element of a life "worthy of the Lord." I bet this is because the Lord desires to hear from me directly, in words just as much as in my attitude. Perhaps if I were to risk the effort to put my gratitudes into words, to risk opening a hole in the roof of my worship space, to risk connecting with the one who has "qualified me to share in the inheritance of God's holy people": perhaps this would please the Lord.

I bet it won't even be scary.

1. The hope of salvation.

2. Being treasured by my beloved.

3. My vibrant, supportive church community.

4. My kitty, who sometimes also serves as my early-morning conscience, waking me in time to meet with the Lord.

5. The steamy smell of fresh-turned earth in the afternoon sun.

6. Living in "such as time as this": in a wealthy nation, with access to so many resources.

7. My babydoll, Lulu.

8. Neighbors who hand down clothes and share other goodies.

9. My first ever strawberry plants!

10. A sense of coming into "my time."

Taking this step has also inspired me to join the community celebrating "1000 Gifts" and beyond. My Colossians memory journey includes Ann and hundreds of her readers, now I also begin the gratitude count.

Feeling Defensive

2011-02-25T15:31:00.000-06:00

Something happened earlier this week that still bothers me. A pushy door-to-door salesman showed up on my doorstep at 6:30 on the night of our first small group meeting of the semester, which also started at 6:30.

He wouldn't let me tell him I couldn't talk right then. He couldn't have cared less about my schedule.
I wouldn't shake his hand, tell him my name, or look at his license to solicit. I couldn't have cared less what he was selling.

And for five increasingly uncomfortable minutes we kept cutting one another off, each determined to get our point across without letting the other gain any ground.
And my wide-eyed children stood with me and witnessed the entire exchange.
And my brand new small group members parked in front of my house and walked past us through the front door.
And I got angry.

I just hate door-to-door sales people.

They make me feel defensive in my own home, like I owe them an explanation for why I do not choose to spend my money on them. The only reason they want to hear my reasons for saying no is so they can come up with a counterargument. Every time one knocks, they receive the benefit of a bigger residue of anger left from the ones who came before.

I found out the next day that he had badgered every one of my neighbors that evening, successfully selling his product to some of them just because they couldn't say no. And now I'm boiling!

Obviously, I took this event way too personally, and have spent the last 48 hours having an imaginary conversation with the perpetrator, practicing my self-righteous indignation.

This kind of prolonged response usually indicates I need to examine something in my spirit. So I wonder, what would Jesus do?

I bet Jesus would have had time for the salesman. Of course, he probably would have started telling him about God's kingdom, and ended up with the man becoming a Christ-follower. Perhaps he would have invited the man to join our group discussion time.

Should I be ashamed to admit that simply didn't fit into my plan for that evening?

Instead, my front entry now sports this mixed message, along with a few mixed feelings:

Perhaps my learning point, however, has nothing to do with this man but everything to do with my heart.

No matter what I could or should have done differently in the moment, one thing is sure. Continuing to harbor anger over something in the past will definitely not produce anything constructive in my own life.

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” James 1:19-20

God desires me to grow in righteousness, and he gives me a guide for how not to fail at that: be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. I'm memorizing this verse to help me next time I feel the anger start to boil.

What makes you angry? What suggestions do you have for other readers as they deal with anger?

FLU is not the way I got to my tropical vacation

2011-02-11T21:30:00.000-06:00

One of my Top Ten Rules to Live By states: Expect Resistance.

Last week I finally overcame months of inertia, and read a book on how to write a book proposal. It really fired me up to get moving. Tuesday I began to write it.

That afternoon, the school nurse called me to come pick up 5 year old Rooster due to his having a fever.

Wednesday, little Lulu had another fever seizure (her third in a year), and I freaked out and called 911, which resulted in an ambulance ride, which led to us spending the afternoon in the ER.

Thursday, I spent the day taking her and Rooster to the pediatrician, with the end result of them both being on Tamiflu and over-the-counter medications for fever, cough, and sinus congestion. I am now a certified meds-and-fluids pusher, dispensing four doses to each of them every four hours and cajoling them with pedialyte, jello, juice, capri-sun, and anything else I can think of.

After school each day this week, I have also been working with Miss Boo on one of her biggest 3rd grade projects yet, a poster explaining Tsunamis. I love the irony that this week has felt like a personal tsunami. Not to mention the political tsunami happening today in Egypt. In fact, I have never in my life seen so many references to tsunamis on the internet, news, and everyday conversation as I have this week.

Today I just needed a mental break, and I didn't want to face my sticky kitchen floor (which would have had to come before writing), so I got out my sewing machine and whipped up a doggy bandana for a friend. That gave me good therapy.

But I suddenly notice, I have not gotten back to that book proposal in four days.

As I worked on it Tuesday, I was a little discouraged to see the big names that have already published very adequate books on the same subject I plan to tackle. Yet I think my idea still merits a fresh approach, and I begin to suspect the Enemy has a serious interest in keeping me from pushing forward with this idea.

So, do you know what? I refuse to give up.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair.2 Corinthians 4:8

I have been distracted, but I will not be turned aside.
I have been discouraged, but I will not give in to despair.
No, in all these things I will overcome. Because I have been given a message, and it burns to get out of me.

The Enemy has also successfully distracted me from my Colossians memory project, as well as my regular Bible reading, for the past four days.

Goal number one dictates I return to look intently into God's face. Then allow myself time to contemplate. After that I probably need to mop this sticky kitchen floor, and then perhaps the Ultimate Author will open up a little window next week to keep plugging away at my Big Idea.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in his wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of his glory and grace.
-Helen H. Lemmel, 1922

God in the Yard :: Celebration

2011-02-09T22:34:00.003-06:00

Surprised again, challenged by the ideas introduced in this new chapter, I surface from it for a week.

This time the author suggests that in order to fully experience joy, one must fully embrace past grief. In principle, I agree with this idea.

Not every discipline in this book will be of particular growth material for every person. I believe celebration is not one of my current growth challenges. I do experience joy in my life, in spades.

And yet.

The author describes feeling "so incredibly sad. A deep sadness that I literally feel in my body . . ." and "weighted with unknown griefs."

I know that feeling, intimately.

Only no past grief immediately springs to mind. I grew up in a whole home. My parents taught me well about Jesus. Tragedy never approached too uncomfortably close. My life seems about as trouble free as a human life could be.

Some time ago, I began to wonder if the grief that weighs on my heart represents the weight of sin. If the deep sadness expresses my separation from God, as I wait for heaven.

This may be true, but I grew impatient with that kind of grief. I found no cure for it, and it grew to a point of destructiveness in my personal life. My husband, the kids, the house, the bills all suffered. It seemed to pull me further from God, not motivate me to move closer.

So I went to see my doctor and found out it's more than a spiritual manifestation of sin. Now I haven't had it in months, because I started taking a pill for it. It works very, very well.

Is "embracing grief" a non-growth area for me?

Instead of a solid "No," let's just say it's a "Not Now." I think once my kid-years wane, I may have the courage to try life again without the normal pill. When that inexplicable, paralyzing grief comes back, maybe I will be better equipped to deal with it. Perhaps it will even lead me to a higher understanding of celebration.

Not feeling so profound this week, but happy to be where I am,

Krista

Priorities :: Big Rocks

2011-02-07T12:29:00.001-06:00

"Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom."

Psalm 90:12

We all know the story of the rocks in the jar. When you put the big rocks in first, the sand fits around them. But start with the sand, and the big rocks won't fit.

The big rocks represent our big priorities, the sand represents the miscellaneous things that want us to tend to them first.

"Get your Big Rocks in First" E. Tavares

But so few of us actually put the big rocks first, even when we know better.

We place the urgent over the important.
We have a hard time saying no.
We are influenced by the priorities around us.

I know I fit this profile. Why do I resist prioritizing and following through on the important things?

I think I resist because I am afraid. Afraid of losing rest and margin. Afraid of becoming driven. Afraid I will lose me-time. So I take those things first (Facebook, watching TV with my hubby, taking a nap) and then end up feeling harassed because the big rocks just never seem to fit in my schedule.

My heart has been telling me lately that I am living without margin-with a diminished capacity to be functional, to take whatever comes in stride.

And it turns out by some crazy logic that this feeling of never having enough time to get everything done is a result of mismanaged priorities. (Yeah, not really so crazy, eh?) Because in truth, my priorities determine how much I can get done in the time I have. Stated another way,

Priorities determine Capacity

I pause here for a moment to consider my big rocks, my priorities:

God
my husband
Boo
Rooster
Lulu (each gets their own big rock)
Writing
Housework (as much as it pains me to admit it)

It turns out all these big rocks are relational. Writing is my way to invest in others' relationship with God. Housework is my way to create a haven, to improve the life of those who live in and visit my home.

So if I want my capacity for tending to each of these big rocks to be as large as possible, here is the how-to.

The truth is, humans are designed to build our lives around the biggest priority of all.

"For who is the Rock except our God?" Psalm 18:31

The Bible's term for priority = SEEK.

"God, I earnestly seek you; I thirst for you." Psalm 63:1
"I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray." Psalm 119:10
"Seek first God's kingdom." Matthew 6:33
"Your [God's] will be done." Matthew 6:10

When God is first it helps me set every other priority in its proper place.

So... if my number one priority this year is to DRINK from the well of God's words, then my task is to examine each day and ask myself:

How will I drink today?

This message stands as one more confirmation that as I prioritize drinking from the well, the me-time and the housework will fit in and not weigh so heavily on my soul.

Building a Boat

2011-02-05T15:44:00.001-06:00

I never run out of amazement at the speed of time, and how quickly it slips out of my grasp, despite my best intentions.

We now have five weeks of the year under our belts, and so far I have done lots of talking about my writing goals for this year, but zero actual work in that direction.

For the record, my stated goal for the year is to take a book proposal to She Speaks 2011, in July.

Visiting family, spring cleaning, family birthdays every weekend, sickness, and even a Central Texas snow day all count as valid reasons why I have yet to start, but they feel more like excuses.

It could also be that I am afraid of success; unsure how to exactly proceed; or uneasy because I am so all-or-nothing that I don't know how best to navigate the balance between my roles as mom, artist, and ministry professional.

Today, I finally broke free of the excuses as my lovely hubby shut me in my room with a laptop, a kitty, and a thermos of coffee; and proposed to manage the household so I could begin chipping away at my book proposal. I am just now wrapping up five hours of me-time nirvana.

Have you ever written a book proposal? I believe that by the time I have thoroughly written mine, I will have learned as much as I ever did in a college course.

The only way to get across what seems today like an ocean standing between me and publication, is to sail a boat across it. I think of this proposal as my boat.

First I need to learn how to build a boat.
And get supplies to build it.
And actually build it.

Eventually, I will cross this ocean.

And today, I have taken some important first steps. Progress feels good.

Whataburger and the Texan way

2011-01-29T16:38:00.000-06:00

I have not posted an entry related to my observations of Texas in awhile, so I thought today might be appropriate. Despite the fact that I could be napping right now, and actually wish I were.

We made a rare visit to the Whataburger drive-thru on Friday, and here is what we saw. How many comical things can you identify in this picture?

A. The American flag flying above the restaurant underscores this testament to the American way. Actually, I am surprised not to see a companion Texas flag next to it. Usually a Texas establishment such as this goes out of its way to accentuate its Texas-sized roots. After all, we all need to remember that Texas retains the right to secede from the Union should they ever so desire.

Sometimes I wonder, is there an unspoken agreement anywhere in which, should Texas ever really secede, all Texas-owned companies would draw back their business to only serve the home country?

And then I am also reminded that Dairy Queen would like us to believe they are one of those companies. They do call themselves, "The Texas Stop Sign." But did you know that DQ headquarters is located in Minneapolis? I bet most Texans don't know that either. Nor do I think they care, as long as DQ would continue to serve us after a secession. Failure to do so might constitute an act of aggression...

But about Whataburger:

B. The status-symbolic King Ranch edition F-350 pickup truck at the main pickup window probably constitutes the least notable thing about this scene. The plumber's truck behind it, also perfectly expected. The Cadillac in front of us? A little more interesting. Because it shows that in Texas, even rich old men visit Whataburger.

Anyone in the Whataburger advertising radius would recognize the voice that speaks their TV and radio spots. He sounds like one of the good old boys if I ever heard one.

Last year I was startled to recognize that same voice speaking a radio spot for the local congressman's policial campaign. Apparently Chet Edwards attempted to appeal to the Whataburger demographic. Unfortunately, it did not win him reelection, but this was a tough year for all Democrats in strong Republican districts. I do not blame the Whataburger voiceover guy for lacking influence.

Funny fact, I have actually never heard a local refer to this place as "What-a-burger". For the first year I lived here, however, I did wonder about the "Waterburr" I kept hearing them mention. Made it a little challenging to meet anyone there for lunch, so I would politely decline invitations.

I have the Whataburger voice on the TV spot to thank, for finally helping me work out that the two are actually the same thing.

Oh, right, I'm discussing the picture:

C. This Whataburger has an 'A' and a 'B' drive-thru lane, to accomodate the large numbers of customers we encountered at 1:45 on a Friday afternoon. I don't think that's exactly rush hour, yet here we are, three cars deep in Lane B as we wait for our order. A worker walks down the lane, collecting debit cards, then returning a few minutes later with food.

--Huh. Wonder if there's any relationship between this and the fact that the Captain's debit card was used fraudulently this morning at another local fast food restaurant. Surely not...

Not to worry, we have already addressed the charge and have a new card coming. But one remains curious as to where such a theft occurred.

D. I have time for one more random fact, then I must get back to my regularly scheduled weekend:

It's hard to tell in this picture, but the front stripe on the trademark corrugated roof of this Aggieland location is maroon, not orange. From what I hear, they appealed to corporate offices to paint the entire roof in A&M maroon stripes, especially because orange represents team colors of the school's biggest rival, UT Austin. The restaurant lost the appeal, but won this one concession.

And now you know.

Have a nice weekend, ya'll.

God in the Yard :: Contemplation

2011-01-26T22:31:00.000-06:00

I expected to be willingly led through the set of spiritual exercises outlined in this book, and instead I find myself challenging what I read.

Today the author suggests we look for God everywhere: in open sky and soaring bird; in barking dog and rusting fence. That perhaps it's okay if sometimes we don't start our search with Scripture and prayer. I believe this week's exercise directs me to stop, to wait on the Lord, to be still and see what happens. But I receive this with suspicion.

It's too easy.

At first blush, this sounds to me like an excuse for those who call themselves too busy, due to their pursuit of the American way. For the more I have buried myself in the Bible over the past four months, the more urgently I have sensed a need to pursue God--even to the point of excluding everyday life. If I were to just sit, with no agenda, how would that move me forward in my knowledge of God? Might I be wasting time?

My strong negative reaction startles me into realizing this is either a point on which I disagree, or a chance for me to listen to exactly what God does want to show me through the exercise of contemplation. After all, that is the goal of this experience.

I think, for me, putting God's word in my heart rises above all other priorities, because I believe it will change me and move me to the proper action.

Prayer, the presenting of my petitions before my advocate, follows closely behind.

But what about listening? Where does that fit in to the refining of my soul? What if I spend all my time reading the Bible and congratulating myself on my progress through the story? How about my sessions of throwing words at the throne, filling all the available space until I run out of time?

It's too easy to lose sight of the true goal.

When I spend all my time on me, do-ing, much of the transformative power of Scripture and prayer gets lost. Similar to not "setting" the hook when a fish nibbles at the bait. Or carefully preparing the soil of my garden, then neglecting to water it.

Which may or may not be something I do in real, physical, actual life, with my real-life backyard garden, after my husband builds me a greenhouse to protect the plants through the Texas winter. Shh.

Contemplation, then, must be as important a spiritual practice as reading God's word and prayer. Grudgingly I acknowledge this might complete a trinity of most-essential practices.

The Apostle James (who I may or may not avoid reading regularly due to the challenging nature of his words) addresses the importance of listening, and being changed by it:

If you just listen [to God's message] and don't obey, it is like looking at your face in a mirror but doing nothing to improve your appearance. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you keep looking steadily into God's perfect law--the law that sets you free--and if you do what it says and don't forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it. James 1:23-25 NLT

More than anything, I want to be changed by looking steadily into God's law. I don't know about you, but I remember best by taking notes, then going back and considering.

After wrestling with this idea and realizing its importance, I eagerly reach for more time to be alone and contemplate. To allow my Maker to water the garden of my heart.

And I sense small shoots beginning to emerge from the formerly dry, cracked soil. And it feels good.

Habit Forming

2011-01-21T14:07:00.000-06:00

January 21, 2011.

Today marks the end of the third week of this still-new year. I heard once that a new habit forms after 21 days of repetition. Have you developed any new habits yet this year? Are you still putting one foot in front of the other?

Today probably already marks the end of new year resolutions for some. Exercise? Perhaps new gym members are already beginning to decline in their workout regimen. Diets? Well, let's be honest: did yours last even until the second week?

I wonder if breaking a bad habit takes the same effort as creating a new habit. I have been trying to break the habit of biting my lip for years, and have only rarely gotten past day 1. Started again this week, and can't make it more than six hours. That's discouraging, but I will prevail sooner or later.

Are you wondering about my new "clean counter" habit? I knew you were. I did not start that on the first day of the year, but today does mark two weeks of success. I sense success with this, and it motivates me to continue my efforts. Here, a quick photo of how it looks right now:

This uncluttered state singlehandedly contributes VOLUMES to my well of peacefulness at any given time throughout the day. I so want this to be a new normal.

How do you fare with your resolutions, your goals for 2011? Did you set a One Word? How has it spoken to to you in the past three weeks?

My Word is Drink. I have determined to drink deeply from God's well this year.

In the past three weeks I have finished my goal of reading through the Bible in 90 days. What a sense of accomplishment that has given me! Even more, though, it has affected the way I view the world. It has upended my priorities, challenged me to see beyond the mundane of the life I currently lead. The habit of reading 12 chapters a day became enjoyable, something after which I thirst. So I started over in Genesis the next day.

In the past three weeks, I have set a new goal of memorizing the book of Colossians this year. Tomorrow is recitation day for week three. I have found myself reaching for my memory book first thing in the morning, perusing it over my coffee, making sure I have it when I travel out of the house. So far, this new habit has stuck.

With a clean kitchen counter and God's word running through my mind, I gradually find I have time again for my default pursuit, writing.

Today I begin again with a long-term writing goal. I have set myself a goal of presenting a book proposal at a conference in July. I am a little nervous to share this with you, as you might hold me to it! But transparency and accountability are two of my highest values. I hope to follow through on this goal, and will be using habit-forming techniques to get there.

Will keep you up to date with my progress.

How are you doing with your habit forming, this January 21?

God in the Yard :: The Way

2011-01-19T23:28:00.001-06:00

Three months ago, I began to read God in the Yard. As I realized the commitment requested of me in reading it, I realized I could not fully commit until January.

Chapter 1 had invited me to find a small space and commit to visiting it regularly while considering the topic of spiritual discipline. In the intervening three months, I have found my thoughts returning to the idea of that small space. It's an important concept, because a small space would allow me to become mentally free of the mundane for a few moments at a time.

Eventually I realize, I just enjoy sitting on my couch with a favorite mug of coffee and my bag containing Bible, journal, pen, current book, and a few assorted odds and ends. The bag makes the space my Small Space, in whatever corner of the house, or the world, I find myself with a few quiet moments.

On the first day of this year, I sat down with my Small Space, pulled out God in the Yard, and began reading Chapter 2: The Way. I have approached this chapter more slowly than the last, over the course of 13 days instead of a single afternoon.

I confess this is partly because I am still in a hurry, impatient because I still don't get where the author is trying to lead me. And I don't want to progress further until I feel I have fully experienced . . . whatever it is I am supposed to experience. After all, my One Word for this year is Drink. I want to drink deeply of whatever will help me draw near to God. So I persist, trying to find my own way, my own rhythm.

January 1

What quiet space? I do not have quiet spaces in my day, to let myself simply drift, to allow God to come alongside me. I wish I had the willpower, the self discipline to wake early and meet God in the beginning of my day.

Can I change? I think people don't tend to change dramatically, unless God does it from the inside. I suppose if I worked harder at preserving my quiet spaces, I could have more of them. Can God work to preserve my soul, if I don't make time for quiet space to hear him leading me? I don't know.

January 10

I believe failure to fly can be dangerous, because it indicates failure to develop properly. Paul addresses believers with this problem, saying they should be ready for meat by now, but they are still only mature enough for spiritual milk. And I suspect this may be true of me.

Can God change me? This is the one thing I seek right now. I drink from the well, almost desperately, desiring real change after decades of following him and sensing I could have done so much more of eternal significance by now.

Of the spiritual practices outlined in Scripture, I think the most obvious and all-encompassing is love. After that, I believe I am called to know God's message thoroughly. Bible study, memorization, teaching. Other important ones may stand behind those, but for now I am happy to dedicate myself primarily to the pursuit of these two.

January 13
I persevere into the next section, still a bit unclear about the direction this book attempts to lead. Then a quote rises off the page as if waiting there just for me:

"My job is not so much to practice a rigid set of disciplines as to pay attention."

Perhaps the way leads me here: to my goal of developing the discipline, the habit, of attending to what God would show me. Perhaps that is the point of spiritual discipline.

If spiritual discipline leads to being attentive to God's leading, then bring it on.

What do I really want in the way of personal transformation?
I hope God leads me to a more attentive frame of mind that includes being self-disciplined in my personal habits. I feel like I am failing (and flailing) at life. I want to feel in control of my family life. To have peace, a haven for my family to come to.

Peace; Patience; Self-Control. Those are the fruits struggling to grow in the garden of my soul, that I so desire to cultivate.

After accepting the Invitation, I begin to understand that The Way to pursue this journey toward God specifically involves learning to pay attention.

As it happens, the author is reading through this book and interacting with it, at the same time I am. She shares her journey on her blog here:

l.l. barkat

I begin to feel encouraged that God may honor my attempt at pursuing him with my whole heart. My Small Space; my One Word; my Bible Memory project; all are my way of Paying Attention.

Speak, Lord.

Priorities, Part 1

2011-01-18T22:27:00.005-06:00

Saturday, my firstborn turned nine years old. I declare, I do not know where the time has gone, because I remember the early days and years with her, feeling like she was at-home and preschool age for EVER. And those years have been over for more than three years already.

Sunday, our pastor spoke about priorities. How our top priority has to be pursuing Jesus, and how we have to seize every moment for him: "Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom" Psalm 90:12. His words resounded strongly in my heart, and I will post more about it soon.

After church, we drove home in a rainstorm. I drove cautiously, remarking how unsafe the road felt.

Monday, I learned that another family from my church was involved in a terrible weather-related traffic accident after church, resulting in the death of their nine year old son. The injuries of the parents were so severe that they were not even told of the loss of their only child until Monday morning.

I know death reaches for us all sooner or later. I understand that disease and accidents and even more terrible things are part of the world around me. I do not know this family personally, although my daughter knew their son casually.

Yet. Regardless of my further connection, they are part of my church family. The news has shaken me and broken my heart.

We were in church together, listening to the same message about making every day count.
We left church in the same rainstorm.
Their son was the same age as my daughter.
And my family made it home.

Just as I marvel at the gift of three healthy pregnancies, today I marvel at the gift of a safe ride home from church on a rainy Sunday.

I do not understand how God's heart does not break at the pain these parents will experience today and onward. Perhaps it does. But I cast myself on God's grace, that he is sufficient for even this circumstance.

I stake my hope on the bigger story, in which this little boy's death was not an end, but a crossing into eternity.

Lord, teach me to number my days, that I may gain a heart of wisdom. Be with this family as they begin to make sense of their lives today. Show me how to make every day count for you, because none of us knows how much time we have to be an influence in this life.

Mega Memory Month :: Colossians 1:1-5

2011-01-18T14:22:00.000-06:00

Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, and Timothy our brother,
To God's holy people in Colossae, the faithful brothers and sisters in Christ:
Grace and peace to you from God our Father.

We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you,
because we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all God's people-

Because I am crazy, and because I earnestly desire to drink deeply from God's well of living water, I have committed to memorize the book of Colossians in 2011.

The idea is, "Committing hearts to him and his words to heart."

In an auspicious beginning, I have memorized four verses so far.

Those of you participating in Mega Memory Month with Ann Kroeker are probably way ahead of me. But I am running a marathon, so I concede the sprint to you.

So far, I have not needed any special memory tricks. I have also not received any special epiphanies. But it will happen. I also expect to start needing memory aids by next week, if not in the next two days.

In related news, two days ago I finished reading my way through the Bible, cover to cover. It took me 106 days instead of the goal of 90, but was my best finish ever. It impacted me so much I started again yesterday, on a 350 day pace.

What other job exists for the follower of Jesus, than to drink deeply of Scripture and be changed by it?

All I can do is encourage those journeying through life alongside me to pick up the challenge. Drink God's Living Water.

It will change your life.

God in the Yard :: Invitation

2011-01-13T22:38:00.001-06:00

I finally joined the club. More accurately, I believe there is a club somewhere and I will find myself drawn into the current of it as I read and journal my way through this book.

This book has quietly haunted the to-be-read pile for three months, but the time now arrives to add it to the much smaller in-progress pile. New year, new goal of drinking from the well, both a good fit for this new beginning.

God in the Yard
l.l. barkat

As I understand it, God in the Yard gently leads the reader through a 12 week course in pursuing spiritual discipline, with the desired end result of growing closer to God. I could use that.

Three months ago, I began chapter 1 with a sense of anticipation and mystery, not really knowing where this road would lead. I discovered that each chapter contains interactive questions placed after each thought, giving the reader the opportunity to read and reflect before continuing.

Although the breaks allow one to slowly digest a chapter over the course of several days, I ended up drinking in that first chapter in a single afternoon. My initial journal response to the Invitation mostly just answered the questions, as I was still gathering my bearings:

October 23
I actually have a chance to sit outside today, in relative quiet. On this balmy, late October afternoon, wind rustles trees with promise of a change in the weather; nearby pool provides a pleasant sound of running water; children and dogs play in the distance. I open a new book, put pen to a new journal.

When I was a child, I lived in the world of books: of fiction, far-off fairytales, fascinating adventures. Today I live a fulfilling real world life, full of adventure and even a fair amount of fairytale. But the mundane sometimes threatens to suffocate me.

If I could, I would return to my late 20's, the time of my greatest independence, before kids. In order to grow, I feel like I need more time to be quiet. If I could, I would go away for the weekend. Every weekend.

If I commit to finding and going to a small space, I am afraid I will just become discouraged over another failure to follow through on something. It's hard enough to keep up with the housework, I don't feel like I can justify committing to something that takes me away from the work.

I should not bother with committing to a small space for 12 weeks right now, because the next 12 weeks are the busiest of the year.

I believe my soul is bigger and wiser than I, because I constantly crave something more than the everyday.

Wistfully, I set the book aside and turned my thoughts toward the present, and the upcoming events of the final 12 weeks of the year. I tucked the book into my bag, silently promising it, "I will return for you."

The invitation had been received. I made my RSVP. And on January 1 (only ten weeks later), I opened my book to chapter 2. My pursuit of spiritual discipline is back on.

Hard Frost

2011-01-11T21:35:00.001-06:00

Gardening in January
Tonight's forecast predicts the coldest night of this winter, with a low of 22 degrees.

This afternoon Boo helped me harvest a gallon size ziplock bag of mixed lettuce greens, as well as a handful of plump carrots. I love my greenhouse.

The greenhouse, a labor of love on the part of my hubby, has stood rather neglected for a few weeks. Out of sight, I forget to water my plants regularly. The heat-loving melons, tomatoes and peppers have long since shriveled. Partly from cold, and partly from neglect.

Yet some of the the remaining produce has quietly grown even without my attention. The artichokes stand an obnoxious four feet wide and tall, but without flowers. The peas gave a few pods but mostly seem to just thrive on putting out edible stalks. By all appearances, lettuce and cauliflower plants enjoy this time of year very much.

I wonder, can the plants in my mostly neglected greenhouse withstand tonight's hard frost?

Well-watered plants survive frost better than dry ones. Had I watered my garden before the first frost six weeks ago, I might still have tomatoes and peppers. Had I tended and nurtured the remaining plants a little more carefully, I imagine they would not be merely surviving, but thriving through this cold season.

My Heart's Garden
I see some connections between this greenhouse and the garden of my heart. Jesus shared a gardening story in Mark 4, about a farmer who went out to sow some seed:

4 As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5 Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6 But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7 Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants, so that they did not bear grain. 8 Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up, grew and produced a crop, some multiplying thirty, some sixty, some a hundred times.

Jesus later explains the elements of this parable. God is the farmer. The seed is God's truth, and the types of soil are the various responses people have to God's truth.

I once thought that each type of soil referred to a different type of person, and that my response was of the "good" soil variety.

Later I realized that if my heart is a garden, I allow a lot of thorns to grow up and choke out what productivity God might desire from my life. Let's face it, life constantly throws distractions at us, and I allow myself to be distracted a lot.

As I garden in my backyard, I realize more and more the importance of pulling weeds, removing pests, and providing the right amount of sunlight and water, in order to have a good crop. Soil quality is important, yes, but so are those other elements--and they require constant attention!

The greenhouse garden will probably survive tonight's hard frost.

If my heart's garden were to experience a hard frost, could it survive? It may not be tonight, but the seasonal nature of life indicates a frost will come, sooner or later.

This year I have committed to memorize the book of Colossians. I am about to finish my first successful attempt at reading straight through the Bible. Both are part of my 2011 goal of Drinking from the Well of Living Water. I believe that these recent efforts at tending my heart's garden are exactly the kind of preparations the Master Gardener wants to make so my heart garden can not only survive, but produce a thriving crop of whatever he has planted there.

First layer success

2011-01-08T12:10:00.000-06:00

I have accomplished the first part of my goal, which is to display my open Bible on the otherwise empty kitchen counter. Yahoo!

Okay, it's a smidge premature. I cannot show you the kitchen table. But this sight truly brings lightness to my heart.

This project consumed my day yesterday, because it also involved putting away a few Christmas decorations. Not many so far, but more to come in the next couple hours.

My day also involved creating a Bible memory booklet for Colossians. Since I know my goal for the year is to drink from the well, it's natural to see that memorizing Scripture fits with that goal as surely as my Kitchen Counter Bible reading plan.

More about this memory plan next week, but if the idea of memorizing a book of Scripture in 2011 appeals to you, you are welcome to join the community on Facebook. Just two verses a week, it's not to late to join up!

Read the genesis of the idea on Ann Voskamp's blog, A Holy Experience.

I must return to the Christmas decorations and the kitchen table. To be honest (as I always am, right?), the kids and the carpets need some attention as well.

But I wanted to share these things with you. Have a lovely weekend.

A little transparency

2011-01-07T00:13:00.001-06:00

I think the time has come to 'fess up. Here sits the monkey on my back, the besetting sin that will not quit.

I am a messy.

I could elaborate, but Neil Diamond knew the truth that a picture paints a thousand words:

Yes, you also see the Christmas tree in the background.
I will get to putting that away when I get to it.

Would you like to watch me try to break my messy habit, while juggling 3 kids and the accompanying 15 meals a day, 10 loads a week tidal wave?

I can not promise satisfaction. But I am tired of living with myself, so I have developed a personal challenge for the rest of this month. Maybe even (ack!) this year. And maybe, if I know you are watching, I will meet the challenge. At the very least I will have reached for it.

I am going to clear off this counter ... permanently. Starting with every day for the rest of January, I will fight to keep it free of clutter, by attending to it every day.

To make room for my open Bible.

You see, I have been waiting all week to get that counter clear so I could present my Kitchen Counter Bible reading plan, as mentioned earlier this week. What better way to implement my One Word than to keep the well of Living Water open on my kitchen counter, day in and day out?

My progress so far has been . . . less than stellar. I hate details SO much.

So I am showing it to you NOT clear in the hope that within 24 hours, I can show you the "after" photo, and begin my weekend with a lighter heart.

Here's my detailed plan.

Step 1: Just do it.
Step 2: When faced with a stall, pick up one item and put it away, every time I walk past the counter.
Step 3: Next time, don't put it down there in the first place.

It's foolproof, right?

Maybe after I succeed at this task, I'll keep going and edit all the cupboards and drawers in my kitchen. That sounds like a nice project while the Captain attends his business training in Chicago next week.

But I lose focus.

Will post again when I have that "after" ready to show off, and my victory dance prepared.

One Word for 2011: Drink

2011-01-05T13:53:00.000-06:00

I did not know at first. But when it came to me, I recognized it instantly, as familiar as my favorite hoodie.

This year I have set goals for writing, for time management, for exploring my creative side, for reading through the Bible again.

But to focus those goals, to distill them down to One Word, could I do that? After reading an inspiring post from Alece, the idea camped on a background processor in my brain and set to work without my really intending it.

Thirsty?
A few years back I purchased a new Bible for myself; a New Living Translation, slimline, full metal jacket edition marketed to young adults. It is even hinged. The cover features the embossed outline of the lid of a soda can, with the question, "Thirsty?"

I have never cared one way or the other about the image on the front. I just loved the idea of a shiny silver hardcover on my book. That way if I happened to get shot while reading it, and happened to be carrying it in a chest pocket, it could protect my heart by catching the bullet.

What? It could happen.

Seriously, I love metaphor; and although it is a bit cheesy, I always appreciate the metaphor of drinking from God's Word.

God uses water in many redemptive ways throughout the Bible, from the Great Flood to the parting of the Red Sea, from the buckets of water drenching Elijah's sacrifice to the symbolic medium of John the Baptizer. But my favorite of all is found in John 4, when Jesus straight-up tells the Woman at the Well that he has water she can drink, after which she will never thirst again.

Drink Deeply
Late last year, I began to seek God's Word more intensely as the source of life water for my soul. Of course, right? September found me buried in Judges, writing a Bible study; in October I embarked on reading through the Bible in 90 Days; in November I began a series on teaching others to Unlock the Bible. The more I got into Scripture, the more I craved it. And through it all this thought crystallized,

before I can share God's wisdom,

I need to drink deeply from his well.

The crave continues. This newfound "addiction" leads me closer to God. His words spring to mind more frequently while engaged in conversation. His thoughts flavor my perspective of life. And when I find myself off-balance, the well is the thing I turn to for reassurance.

So last night, when my word came to me, I recognized it immediately. I would love to spend an entire year focused on this one thing. I believe it will continue to influence me in growing measure, and will direct my personal goals into exactly the reality they are meant to have.

DRINK.

(Ha, ha. No, not that. Although sometimes . . . no. Not that. You know what I mean.)

Drink from the well.
Drink, and quench the thirst.
Drink, and share. Share life.

What is your One Word for 2011?

Living the Vicarious Life

2011-01-04T14:13:00.000-06:00

This morning, we jumped back into our routine with both feet. And very little of the routine:

After dropping the kids at school, I shuttled the Captain up to the county courthouse for jury duty. Now that we have one car, we have to finesse car usage just a bit.
I called the pediatrician to make an appointment for Rooster, who told me last night after weeks of coughing, "Mama, I can't breathe. No, not in my nose; I can't take a full breath from down here."
I returned to the school to shuttle Rooster to the pediatrician, where he received a breathing treatment, a laundry list of prescriptions, and a diagnosis of bronchitis.
I dropped the prescriptions off at Walgreens, and Lulu off at her Mothers' Day Out program.
Rooster and I dropped in on Grammy to say hi and tidy up a bit after our weekend out there. We also watched parts of Fantasia.
I returned to Walgreens for medications, and was about to pick up Lulu before our final return home when the Captain phoned in on his lunch break with a jury duty report.

Apparently this is a bigger trial than any I have sat on, as the selection process itself was only halfway completed. He has been told that if he is impaneled with this jury, he should expect to be committed to it until the end of next week. Next week!

This could be very interesting. Nighttime work deployments this week, Burdine boys flying in this weekend for family Christmas, a random business trip scheduled next week. Is it okay to admit I've got my fingers crossed for him that he will be finished with his civic duty by the end of this day?

Did you know an Albuterol chamber dispenser looks just like a gun?
Neither did I, until his chubby hands reached out, "I want to touch it!"

In the car with the whole family on the way to school, conversation centered around what each of us was up to today. Daddy was going someplace else today (a novelty when you work from home); the kids had school and a potential appointment. Then...

"What's Mommy doing today?" Rooster wondered.

Boo responded with, "Mom is doing everything else."

To which Roo countered, "No, she is just spending her entire day taking us to the everythings we are doing."

Thank you for noticing! At least it is interesting to see what everyone else in the family has going on today.

So much for a quiet reboot to my year. Truth be told, I wouldn't have it any other way, or I might get bored. But right now, I am going to stare at a wall for an hour before the bus brings Boo home and we await the Captain's call to drive back to the courthouse and pick him up.

Ready to Find the Kitchen Counter

2011-01-03T20:52:00.002-06:00

I locked myself in the bathroom this morning. On purpose.

And I stayed there longer than I needed to, despite the urging of Wee Willie Winkie here, cragging at the locks and otherwise trying every trick at her disposal to lure me back onto the chaotic scene of the Last Day of Christmas Vacation.

I would describe my status today as READY to resume normal life, with two kids in school and the third with occasional morning parole.

While locked in the bathroom, I reached Day 79 of my Bible in 90 Days reading plan. I was supposed to have finished it on January 1, but the holiday season hit me like a big splashy tidal wave, and I missed a few weeks. Instead of being two days post-Revelation, I have just reached Acts.

I briefly considered allowing myself to feel overwhelmed and depressed about not finishing on time.

But you are likely thinking something more generous, and I have chosen to see the positives here as cause for celebration:

I have come further than ever before in a Thru-the-Bible reading plan.
I finished the Old Testament before pausing.
I already know I am going to finish this time.
And I have already decided to do it again (a little slower) in 2011.

Reading through the Bible in the last few months, in this full-immersion way, has been life-changing. I cannot believe I have allowed so many periods of my life slip away without daily pouring its life-giving words on my dry soul. At all costs, I know this habit must continue.

This morning I stumbled across a fabulous idea to encourage me in my Bible reading: Just open the Bible and leave it out on the kitchen counter. Read a page or two here and there as time permits, just have that be the thing lying around to be read.

At the end of the excellent article proposing the Kitchen Counter method, was an alternate Bible reading method, for Shirkers and Slackers. Because it's usually the guilt of feeling like a slacker that keeps us from finishing what we have started, isn't it?

Or perhaps I just revealed a personal secret...

No. I do not believe I am alone in this. So for all my friends who fail often in their attempts to read the Bible, I present the Bible Reading Plan for Shirkers and Slackers.

Someday, I may try that plan. You may have noticed that it only requires a week-long commitment. However, during this season in my life, that's just not realistic.

Now, it's time to clear off the kitchen counter, to make room for my open Bible. Join me?

This post is linked up with On, In, and Around Mondays, as a chance to describe the place from which I see the world today. I suppose that place is the solitude of a tiny bathroom, in which certain truths achieve clarity.

The most wonderful, greeting-filled, time of year

2010-11-30T10:36:00.000-06:00

This week we step out of our gratitude celebrations and into a month-long preparation to celebrate the greatest Gift of all. During this most precious time of year, our thoughts turn to those we love.

One of my favorite ways to communicate with my loved ones each year is to send a card including a letter and current family photo. In recent years I have begun to use Shutterfly to order prints of my digital photos, and have always been pleased with the quality. Shutterfly printed Lulu's birth announcements for us, as well as our family photo included in last year's Christmas card.

Note: you are about to read a compensated promotion for a product I love.

Beyond just prints, Shutterfly also offers many templates to incorporate my photos into a flat premade card. I upload my photo, they send me a finished product including envelope. This has, of course been available for years; yet while this is a great easy option, I usually have opted for prints, a separate card, and a letter. Recently I discovered that the available folding cards have become more the all-in-one product I would desire.

This year, as I looked at the available Christmas card designs, I got excited to see the many options available to combine photos, colors, and even a letter. The number of choices just in the religious greeting card selection lets me feel I can choose something that expresses my personal style beyond just "the religious option."

Don't tell my mailing list, but this is the design I chose!

The options have also grown to include a nice variety of additional gift items such as calendars. This extends the gift of your shiny faces all the way through next year. The fresh, customizable layouts and choice of wall, desk and poster styles add your sparkle and personality to the already priceless gift of photos. If calendars don't work for you, they have other classy photo gifts available also.

I love any chance to save on postage by one-stop shopping, don't you? While looking at purchasing Christmas cards, and considering creating gift calendars, my thoughts leap ahead a few more weeks to the two birthday parties I will be holding in January. Why not go ahead and plan the party and design birthday invitations while I'm at it?

I had better be careful or I could have my December to-do list finished in pretty short order. Oh, and if you order your cards today or tomorrow, you can get some pretty good "cyber-week" discounts for yourself, also!

*Disclosure: promotional consideration for this post has been provided by Shutterfly. In exchange for me sharing with you my favorite aspects of their services (which I already use), they are providing my first 50 Christmas cards free of charge. If you are a blogger and desire to share in this promotion, check here for details.

Stretched

2010-11-29T23:18:00.000-06:00

Well, if you haven't noticed, the 30 days to Unlock the Bible series is being extended to encompass more than 30 days. After running into a wall born out of a combination of the impending holiday season and an increasing need to take the necessary time with the upcoming posts, I realize I am not accomplishing my goal on time.

The more I have invested in this series, the more I have experienced the need to spend time with my family. I have sensed such a growing desire to share God's truth with whatever audience he brings me, while at the same time becoming more convicted of my family commitments. It's as if the Lord has said, "Here is your dream; will you hand it back to me, allow me to hold it for you until the time is right?"

This weekend I visited with a relative who discovered I had studied piano for 14 years, but currently never play. "You know, you could pick it up again in just 30 minutes a day!" he responded enthusiastically.

I had a sudden vision of all the things I would do if I had 30 minutes a day. I am already working pretty hard to carve out 45 minutes a day to read through the Bible in 90 Days; to keep up with menu planning, grocery shopping, dishes, laundry, mopping, and vacuuming; to read to my baby whenever she wants; to run trains with my cowboy; to connect with my 8 year old daughter; to simply be emotionally available for my husband; to plan for the upcoming holiday season.

And in a moment of clarity I knew that all those things are my priorities that come before writing.

I don't always know what I do with all my time. I just know I already don't have enough of it. It is stretched thin. And I seem to have reached the point where my family, and my need for sleep, outweigh my drive to share a 30 day series in 30 days.

It will come. The second half of the series will resume soon. And I think it will be better for waiting.

Inductive Bible Study :: Unlock the Bible {15}

2010-11-17T20:32:00.000-06:00

After a good start to our spiritual day with Breakfast Bible time, we moved on to open a Literary Lunchbox and look at tools to help us look more closely at the Bible. Sounds like at least some of my readers have found this useful information, which only means God is speaking!

This week we arrive at the biggest meal of the day: Inductive Dinner Delight. I think many of us are familiar with dine and dash dinners, whose spiritual equivalent might be a quick dinner prayer, maybe a few minutes of devotional reading before bed. But right now we are thinking more about the key meals that should form the foundation of our spiritual nutrition.

We call this foundational Bible time Inductive Study.

When a detective goes on the hunt to solve a mystery, he collects clues and attempts to deduce, or reason out, a logical conclusion. He starts with the facts and tries to uncover the big picture.

When a Bible detective goes on the hunt, she starts with the big picture, and breaks it down into elements: what happened there? who is this letter addressed to? did this happen before or after the captivity of Israel? As she does this, she finds the elemental truths behind each passage, and allows them to induce a change in her life.

One published curriculum that teaches this especially well comes from Precept on Precept Ministries. Kay Arthur has been educating people in the methods of Inductive Bible Study for more than twenty years. If you are looking for a strong resource that will equip you to dig out biblical truth for yourself, I recommend anything from her. I will warn you that to get the most out of your study, you will need to invest in a set of colored pencils, and probably be comfortable with the idea of writing in your Bible.

Inductive Study method is simple: Observe, Interpret, Apply.

This builds on a simple premise: A text cannot mean what it never meant. In other words, you can only read a verse and immediately apply it to your current situation, if you do enough research to know that the original audience could have drawn the same application, and that application is consistent with God’s character throughout scripture.

Therefore, you begin to study a text by observing what actually happened. Then you begin to interpret the message: why was this passage included in Scripture, what are the general lessons to be drawn from it? And only after satisfying yourself on the first two points do you move on to the final (also important) step of deciding how to apply it to your own life.

Over the next three posts we will study a passage or two illustrating these steps. We will finish out the week with a simplified method to get you moving in the right direction.

(slightly) off topic: kids' character development

2010-11-16T08:26:00.000-06:00

Holy Mackerel!

I was just doing a little blog surfing this morning (you know, instead of keeping up with my 30 Days series, which I hope to catch up on TOMORROW) and found out about a nice giveaway. I enter giveaways all the time, and even find some resources worth purchasing whether or not I win.

Recently I have found out about a Children's Illustrated Bible Dictionary and a kid-size Theology book (wish I could remember where I saw that one).

Just now I found a giveaway for a Character Development Curriculum for Preschoolers. I thought it would be cool, and I entered to win.

Then I actually went to the publisher's site and checked it out a little more thoroughly. IT LOOKS AWESOME.

So, while I secretly hope you do NOT enter the giveaway to increase MY chances of winning, I would also love to hear that one of my readers went there and won it. Seriously.

I am not a homeschooling mom, but I have kids. And this content is not included in what they teach in public school. It's a preschool curriculum, but Sarah Mae says it would be easy to make it multilevel. I would do that if we had a copy of it at our house.

So, here's the link to the giveaway. In it you will find access to the publisher website to find out more.

Happy hunting!

Running Ahead :: Unlock the Bible {14}

2010-11-14T16:32:00.002-06:00

Funny how much I need to share with you the marathon experience of blogging every.single.day as much as I need to share the content on my heart. Perhaps the process is as important to personal transformation as the actual information, and I so want you to experience the transformation with me.

I keep finding myself falling further and further behind pace in this marathon. Of course I am being hard on myself; the pace is completely arbitrary. But I am feeling the strain, the need to get ahead far enough to relax a bit and still stay on pace.

And I know that while this pace is self-imposed, I also have something to learn from it. I need to learn this:

I try too hard. When I run ahead of my Muse, or forget to invite him to speak, the words gum up between my eyes, then settle in my chest with a tiring weight.

When God blesses, he multiplies my efforts and puts the words right for me.

This struggle to wait on the Lord, it never ends. I am a fully broken human being, with no good thing on my own. In the past week I have begun to feel convicted of my sinfulness more than I have in a long time. Don’t worry, this is good. It is a necessary part of growth.

I have been seeking growth by choosing to find moments of silence in which God can speak to me; by choosing to ask God to be honored in the everyday moments; by gulping the Bible in 90 days.

And as a result, I realize I need to ask God for more: for personal discipline and focus that will create time for those moments of silence; for patience in my everyday moments; for a passionate love affair with his Words.

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. 1 John 5:14

And the more convinced I become of my utter worthlessness on my own, as I ask God to remove my pride and self-centered attitudes, the more he is able to fill me up with himself.

Maybe the reasonably picked-up, clean-laundry, done-dishes house I sit in tonight represents God’s strength of focus poured out on me. Maybe the fun I’ve been having with the kids is a gift, not a surprise. Maybe reading the Bible in 90 days really is beginning to transform me.

The passion to pray and the hunger to read my Bible grows more slowly than I would have expected; but it grows. And by day 14 of a 30 day marathon, that’s good news.

Truly, I am excited to share the contents of the second half of this series even more than I have been to share the beginning. The best really will come more toward the last, and my heart is full with anticipation.

Sanitized Faith :: Unlock the Bible {13}

2010-11-14T10:03:00.001-06:00

A year ago I started my first garden. Gardening in Texas has some special considerations, so I had to learn a lot about soil amendments and plant dates and frost dates. The first two seasons involved a lot of research, and a lot of learning.

By the third growing season (we get two a year here), I began to get a piece or two of produce here and there. For our current season (our fourth time around) we built a greenhouse to improve yield.

Then I realized my problems run far deeper than the ability to grow things. I discovered I didn’t want to eat my produce.

For starters, I didn’t know when to harvest it for best taste. It didn’t taste right after suffering through terrible soil and terribly hot growing conditions. But the biggest problem was that the produce didn’t look like grocery store produce. Cherry tomatoes the size of the tip of my pinkie. (Maybe we should call them pea tomatoes?) Yellow watermelon. Jalapeno peppers that turned red. Red/yellow/orange peppers of irregular shape and size, that stay green (I hate green peppers). Watery looking, tasteless fingerling carrots. Lima beans. Seriously? The one thing that grows vigorously in my garden is lima beans?

After a lifetime of getting my food all waxed and robust and sanitized from the store, it has taken more work than I expected to get used to eating out of my garden. I have had to consciously retrain myself to see backyard produce as food.

Sometimes it seems like this quest for honest food takes more work than it’s worth. But when I get a handful of baby tomatoes, they taste so much better than store tomatoes! And I love the satisfaction of knowing I grew that tomato plant from a seed.

So it goes with getting used to growing your own Bible interpretation, not just getting it all sanitized from the publishers.

As children in Sunday School, we are fed highlight stories of the Bible: Creation, Noah, Joshua, baby Jesus, the parables. As we grow, we learn about the armor of God, the fruits of the Spirit, the hymn of Christ. Somewhere along the way, we pick up a Study Bible, with a mini commentary down in the footnotes.

Eventually we get brave and start attending Bible study, or maybe even reading directly from commentaries to see what scholars and theologians have concluded after their in-depth research into a phrase or passage. But without realizing it, sometimes we end up with a sanitized faith, one built only on the insights of someone else. We live in an era of wide access to the scriptures through printed material and education. Let’s not delegate the beauty of discovering truth for oneself to anyone else!

Literary Lunchbox week has included tips and tools for Bible interpretation. These are valuable resources that I hope you learn how to use efficiently. Bible study tools provide valuable insight to us as we try to decipher the message of the Bible.

However . . . tools are not meant to substitute for our own personal study! Of all the things I learned in school about how to study the Bible and what tools to use for research, STEP ONE is ALWAYS to read it for yourself. Look for context, repeating words, all the things you will read about here before the month is through. And only after you have examined, questioned, and wrestled with a passage does the time come for further study.

As you read the Bible and attempt to draw conclusions about what you read, you may feel uncomfortable the way I am uncomfortable with garden-grown vegetables. But in the end, that backyard produce is so much more satisfying because you worked so hard for it. It’s totally worth the effort!

So go for it. Try your hand at interpretation. Then check it against a commentary. And let me know how you do!

Word Study :: Unlock the Bible {12}

2010-11-13T22:31:00.000-06:00

In addition to the book I mentioned in the last post, a student of the Bible in our present age has access to a wealth of tools and insight from generations of theologians and scholars. The internet is a fabulous resource in this area, especially for free tools, but today I will focus on printed matter.

My ultimate favorite tool is an exhaustive concordance. If I can remember a word from a verse, I can look it up. Or if I want to see all the verses that include a certain word, I can look them up. The term "exhaustive" does not mean it's exhausting just to pick it up, although with such a huge book one could easily draw that conclusion! Rather, it means that even every iteration of the word, "the," is included. Sort of the equivalent of saying a book is "unabridged."

Because so much of my Bible memory has been done in NIV, I own the Zondervan NIV Bible Concordance. However, I also have a Strong's Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible for KJV, and I will tell you why in two words: Word Study.

First published in 1890 when King James was about the only English version available, James Strong's concordance catalogues and numbers every single Greek and Hebrew word in the original text. Every word in the English portion of the concordance is keyed to its actual original-language equivalent. This provides additional clarity for study, because sometimes several slightly different words all were interpreted into a single English word. Sometimes this just represents a choice of the author; sometimes it provides additional illumination.

For example, the Old Testament word for "help" comes from various Hebrew words. Consider all these different words that translate as "help," and the nuance of their meaning:

"If you see the donkey of someone who hates you fallen down under its load, do not leave it there; be sure you help him with it." Exodus 23:5
5800 asab: to loosen, i.e. relinquish, permit, etc. As in, to commit self, to fortify, help, leave, refuse.

"If you see your brother's donkey or his ox fallen on the road, do not ignore it. Help him get it to its feet." Deuteronomy 22:4
6965 quwm: abide, accomplish, be clearer, confirm, help, hold, lift up

"'Curse Meroz,' said the angel of the LORD. 'Curse its people bitterly, because they did not come to help the LORD, to help the LORD against the mighty.'" Judges 5:23
5833 ezrah: feminine form of 5826--to aid

"And they said unto the messengers that came, Thus shall ye say unto the men of Jabeshgilead, Tomorrow, by [that time] the sun be hot, ye shall have help. And the messengers came and shewed [it] to the men of Jabesh; and they were glad."1 Samuel 11:9 KJV
8668 teshuah: rescue(in the sense of 3467). Deliverance, help, safety, salvation, victory

"And he said, If the Syrians be too strong for me, then thou shalt help me: but if the children of Ammon be too strong for thee, then I will come and help thee." 2 Samuel 10:11
3447 yashat: to extend, hold out.

"The king replied, 'If the LORD does not help you, where can I get help for you? From the threshing floor? From the winepress?'"2 Kings 6:27 NIV
3467 yasha: to be open, wide or free, i.e. to be safe

"Day after day men came to help David, until he had a great army, like the army of God." 1 Chronicles 12:22
5826 azar: to surround, i.e. protect or aid.

After getting an idea of the different ways "help" is used in the Old Testament, if I wanted to study it a little more deeply, I would then look it up in my Vine's Expository Dictionary of the Bible. When I do that, I discover that the most frequent usage of help is the 5826 sense found in 1 Chronicles 12:22:

This word and its derivatives are common in both ancient and modern Hebrew. The verb occurs about 80 times in the biblical text. Azar is first found in the the Old Testament in Jacob's deathbed blessing of Joseph: ". . . The God of thy father, who shall help thee . . ." (Genesis 49:25).

Help or aid comes from a variety of sources: Thirty-two kings "helped" Ben-hadad (1 Kings 20:6); one city "helps" another. . . . Of course, the greatest source of help is God Himself; He is the "helper of the fatherless" (Psalm 10:14).

In the end, help still means help in all the above passages. But in my word study I have learned the glorious variety of ways to express one's need for help. As a wordsmith, I appreciate that! God probably knew he would be hearing that a lot, so he gave us lots of words to play with.

Psalm 121
1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

Psalms as Literature :: Unlock the Bible {11}

2010-11-13T14:41:00.000-06:00

Today marks the 11th post in a series called 30 days to Unlock the Bible. My intent is to slowly but systematically provide an introduction to confident Bible study and interpretation. Apparently we are proceeding even more slowly than intended, as life for the past 48 hours has proven more all-consuming than I desired. Ah, well. Time to climb back on the wagon.

We are still exploring our Literary Lunchbox for tips, tools, and resources to draw the maximum spiritual nutrition out of our Bible study time.

As a college freshman, the idea of reading the Bible as literature at first confused me. Why would we need to do anything more than read it as the words of God direct to my ear?

During the course of my education I discovered that literary analysis of the Bible offers greater appreciation and understanding of the themes, cultures, and intent of the original writings. My Bible study matured greatly upon learning the simple fact that different types of literature comprise the book as a whole. Because different literature expresses thoughts differently, an understanding of the literature aids in understanding of the original intent.

A brief study of the Psalms as literature provides an example of how much information lies packed between the lines of God’s Word.

The Book of Psalms probably originated as multiple songbooks used in houses of worship. The Psalms are unique in Scripture because while they are part of God’s message to us, many of them are written as thoughts we would say to God. The Psalms speak to us because they offer expression for whatever we currently feel. For this, I love the Psalms: my prosaic soul appreciates the opportunity to lyrically express joy, thanksgiving, grief, oppression, and anticipation to God.

The Psalms are to be read both as poetry and as literature. Not only do they fit certain rhyme, musical and analogy parameters, but each one can be classified as a certain type of address, fitting a prescribed form.*

Psalms as Poetry

Psalms represent Hebrew poetry, which is directed at the heart. This is accomplished by using words with strong emotional connections; and by parallel expression, in which the second line of a couplet restates and repeats the first. As such, they are often not to be interpreted too literally, keeping in mind that good poetry looks for the most elegant way to express a thought.
Psalms are songs. The words used in the original language were not only trying to fit with meter and cadence, but they were meant to be sung. Word choice probably bears more influence from this than from the writer’s desire to use that exact word to best express the meaning.
Psalms are metaphorical. They are not meant to express plain language. They sometimes paint word pictures that would seem strange if taken too literally.

Psalms as Literature

Each Psalm is a certain type of address used during corporate worship. Psalms could be used for Lament, Thanksgiving, Praise, Historical Reminder, Celebration, Wisdom, or Trust. The original audience was familiar with these types. As we read today, it helps us to identify the type of Psalm as we read it, and to search out one of a type specific to what we want to pray to God about.
Each of the above types of Psalm follows a certain form. Again, knowing this helps provide clarity in reading the Psalm.
Each form had a function when it was used in worship by the people of Israel. Not every Psalm can be made applicable to every situation.
Poetic patterns within each Psalm mean that each one is to be taken as a whole, not piecemeal. An individual verse is best understood in light of the whole.

Benefits of the Psalms

The Psalms provide words to help us pray in different situations. They give us a guide to worship.
The Psalms provide example of how we can relate to God.
The Psalms show us how important God sees it that we take time to reflect and meditate on him.

Sample

Psalm 19, our example text this week, is a Psalm of Praise. It contains three basic parts:

1-6 Nature praises God by its beauty
7-11 God’s law praises him by its perfection
12-14 The Psalmist praises God by inviting God to keep him blameless and pure

This understanding does not carry profound revelation, nor take anything away from any inspirational passages I have ever found in Psalms. Rather, it gives depth to my search for deeper meaning. The very idea that each Psalm represents a specific kind of expression to God, helps me begin to see the book of Psalms as a tool to be pulled out especially in those moments when I want to talk to God but need help to get going, or to find the words when I’m fresh out.

*Factual information in this post represents a summary of a chapter from How to Read the Bible for All its Worth, by Gordon D. Fee and Douglas Stuart, called “The Psalms: Israel’s Prayers and Ours.” I highly recommend this book as a resource for anyone wishing to maximize their understanding of God’s Word.

Interactive Questions :: Unlock the Bible {10}

2010-11-10T14:57:00.000-06:00

Yesterday’s Literary Lunchbox topic addressed a bit of literary criticism of the Bible. Today you get to try your own hand at it.

Any time we ask questions of a text, it helps us interact with its message. Gloriously, this particular text interacts back!

I received a list of six interactive questions almost ten years ago, and they remain some of the best questions I have found to help me interact with Scripture. The person who shared them with me said she learned them from her time spent working with Campus Crusade. I cannot find them published anywhere, but I am certainly willing to share the credit with Bill Bright!

Remember to pause before reading and invite the Source of Wisdom to pull out the words, phrases, and ideas he wants you to notice. Then as you read, ask:

What did I like about this passage?

What did I not like about this passage?
What does this passage teach me about God?
What does this passage teach me about the human race?
What stands out to me?
What might God be trying to teach me?

1-2. These questions encourage me to be honest and admit, “I don’t like that” about a phrase or event. Often I have found that the things I don’t like continue to rattle around in my brain until I stop and ponder them more fully. And pondering almost always results in a spiritual revelation.

3-4. Another thing I enjoy about these questions is the way we consider God and his interaction with the human race, before considering self. It seems that often our first response to a passage is, “What does this have to do with me?” While the Bible was written to be applicable, we lose a lot of depth when we neglect to consider God and the big picture before examining self to see where we fit.

5-6. The questions leave open the possibility of a “nothing” answer. Perhaps this particular passage teaches little about the human race, but focuses entirely on attributes of God. However, when you find your answer to question 5 comes up with “nothing” it may mean you have not yet spent enough time camping on this passage. It is amazing to see the richness of Scripture when you approach every passage with question 6: “What might God be trying to teach me?”

Remember how we looked at Psalm 19 last week with our Breakfast Bible time? Let’s use the same Psalm, and ask it these questions:

PSALM 19

1. What did I like about this passage?
I love the imagery of verses 1-6. The picture of the sun, joyfully running its course through the sky, fills my heart with a sense of wonder.
2. What did I not like about this passage?
When I first studied this passage, I didn’t understand it much. I got bored with the middle part, about the Law of the LORD. And I surely didn’t understand how it could be sweeter than honey. To be honest, I also don’t really understand what the word picture at the beginning, about the sun in the heavens, has to do with the end, about letting the meditations of my heart be pleasing to God.
3. What does this passage teach me about God?
God is so great, even the stars in the sky proclaim his glory.
4. What does this passage teach me about the human race?
v. 12-13, we have a tendency not to notice our own errors. All we can do is ask the LORD to keep us from them and point out to us when we do commit them.
5. What stands out to me?
v. 10 “More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb.” I want God’s words to be that to me. As I read the Bible in 90 Days, as I study for my small group, as I write this series, and every day all the time.
6. What might God be trying to teach me?
I know I need to cling to God and ask him for everything. I sincerely desire that my words and thoughts be pleasing to him. But even reading the Bible every day has not automatically created this sense of beauty within me that I see described here. But since I am dependent for everything, I bet this is something I can ask God for instead of trying to grasp it for myself.

See how asking six questions helps me get into the text more than just asking one or two questions? Why don’t you pick a text and see where it gets you? I’d love to hear about it if you do.

Come back tomorrow and I’ll tell you more about the Psalms as literature.

The Canon :: Unlock the Bible {9}

2010-11-09T15:12:00.000-06:00

My 8th Grade English teacher had a sign on her desk that read:

Why didn't life's problems hit me
when I was a teenager
and knew everything?

At the age of 14, the irony of this statement was entirely lost on me; however, my first Bible class as a college freshman broke open everything I thought I knew about the Bible.

What do you mean, "Literary Criticism" of the Bible? You can't critique the Word of God! Didn't God just open his mouth one day and pull out this book and hand it to Paul for distribution to the world? (I didn't really think that; truthfully I had just never thought about it at all). What I did think I knew about the Bible went something like this:

God said it, I believe it, that settles it.

But how does that stand up against the storms of life? Against an enemy perpetually whispering in your ear, "Did God really say that?" Against people using isolated phrases from the Bible to buttress a viewpoint that doesn't quite sit right with you?

The next four years of my education were spent alternately tearing apart this simplistic philosophy, and rebuilding it more strongly with a greater understanding of how I could be confident that God did say it; of why I believe it; and of the reality that some things aren't as settled as one might think, which allows room for faith.

As I received my diploma and departed this learning-ground, the most important lesson I carried with me was to approach knowledge with humility. We simply don't know as much as we think we know about God.

The Canon

I promised you more solid information today on where the Bible came from. I keep dancing all around it, and the actual answer continues to elude my typing fingers. Perhaps this means it's going to be a good one.

(I also just tweeted about my cat's stinky feet. While this represents my challenge, I don't think it has any bearing on whether you are about to read a good answer).

"Canon" comes from a Greek word that sets a "rule" or "standard," and refers to the body of writings that make up the "revealed truth" found in the Bible.

Generally speaking, the Old Testament canon was settled long before the time of Jesus. The books of the Law (Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy) were recognized as "Scripture" even before the writing of many of the other parts of Scripture. In fact, other than Ruth, Esther, and Song of Songs, all of the Old Testament is internally attested as Scripture: the writings are referred to as Scripture, elsewhere in Scripture.

Writings that "made it" into the Canon had to pass certain tests:

Wide acceptance as Scripture
Known origin
Message consistent with the greater body of work

The New Testament canon became settled by AD 400. At that time the pope was simply validating a collection of writings that had been accepted as Scripture for centuries.

In the course of education, one learns that some of the books of the canon were questioned, partially because they contained no mention of God (Esther) or had no known author (Job). One also learns that other writings exist, which did not survive to be included in the canon. In fact (as this young Protestant Bible student was astonished to learn), some disagreement still exists about the actual Canon of Scripture. Bibles printed for the Catholic faith include several books called Apocrypha.

This academic information and much, much more overwhelmed me as a college freshman. Who wants to see their simplistic "God said it" theology ripped apart with questions about whether the Bible is even really the word of God? I had to stop and ask myself, "Could we have missed some important messages from God along the way?"

It may look like a wavering of faith, but I think one has to consider such a possibility before one can fully appreciate the beauty and truth of God's Word.

The Big Picture
For the most part, the hours and years of literary analysis brought me back to my starting theology, while expanding my understanding of how and why we have these particular words to study.

The story of the Bible is the story of God's redemptive work in history. From Creation and the Fall to the establishment of the Chosen People; from the failures of the Chosen to the prophecies of a Messiah, the Old Testament looks forward to God's redemption of his creation. From the time of Jesus, the New Testament shares the way of redemption and offers it to the world.

Those writings which convey this theme of redemption through history, constitute the Canon of Scripture. The extra-biblical writings which provide additional history without emphasizing the theme of redemption, were saved to be simply additional ancient texts.

My confidence comes primarily from two verses. I realize this is using the Bible to prove the truth of the Bible, but I believe these verses give us permission:

"All Scripture is breathed out by God and is profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness." 2 Timothy 3:16 ESV

"Truly, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the Law until all is accomplished." Matthew 5:18

God spoke his words to the hearts of ordinary people, so that no one could claim their own intelligence made them wise. He supervised while they wrote his message down. Jesus fulfills those words, and will make sure that not even the dot on an i is lost until he has returned to fulfill all of it.

In the end, I conclude that God is big enough to protect his message from shortsighted humans. I choose to trust God. And I trust that the Bible contains what it needs to contain, for us to know what we are supposed to know.

I don't know as much as I used to know about the Bible, but I do believe that God said it.

Sources:
Bible.org

Bright, John. A History of Israel, 3rd ed. Westminster: Philadelphia, 1981.
Ladd, George Eldon. A Theology of the New Testament, rev. ed. Eerdmans: Grand Rapids, 1993.
wikipedia

Literary Lunchbox :: Unlock the Bible {8}

2010-11-08T06:27:00.219-06:00

Good Monday morning!

Welcome to week two of this 30 Day series on Unlocking the Bible, to uncover its truths for yourself. The Bible is our spiritual food, so this systematic study builds on the idea of food and nutrition. Last week we eased into the Bible with Breakfast Bible Time. We talked about Preparing yourself through rest and inviting God along; collecting the right Ingredients for Bible study; and a very simple Recipe for opening the Bible, breakfast style.

Now it's time for lunch!

When I pack a lunch for my kids to take to school, I make sure their lunch boxes are full of brain food to help them get the most out of their learning experience. School day lunch usually consists of simple, elemental food such as carrots, celery, grapes, apples, ham cubes, cheese, whole grain crackers, and other similar items.

This week we will open our Bible study Lunchbox and identify some elemental information that supports good Bible study nutrition. The Literary Lunchbox addresses literary questions such as who wrote the Bible, how the Bible came to be, types of literature in the Bible, and essential tools to enhance Bible study.

Who Wrote the Bible?
The Bible is a collection of writings from about 40 people, written over the course of about 1500 years. Authors include Moses, Jeremiah, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, and more. These authors ranged from highly educated, such as the Apostle Paul to menial laborers, such as Amos the farmer; from prophets such as Isaiah to royalty like King David (who wrote music, now some of the Psalms, while still a young shepherd).

Usually the author of a book names himself at the beginning of the writing, in Chapter 1, Verse 1. You will notice a few exceptions, but that rule of thumb will reveal the answer most of the time.

The anthology includes 66 books in two main categories: 39 books in the Old Testament and 27 in the New Testament. "Testament" is another name for "Covenant." The Testaments are the story of God's covenant with first his chosen people, the children of Israel (the Old), then with whomever asks to become his child (the New).

Jesus stands as the dividing line between the Testaments. The Old Testament looks forward to a promised Messiah; the New Testament reveals Jesus as Messiah, and tells us how to live as we wait for him to return a second time. Jesus did not write any of the books of the Bible, although we believe all Scripture is given by God's inspiration:

All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It straightens us out and teaches us to do what is right (2 Timothy 3:16, NLT).

The natural next question asks, who decided what's in the Bible? I will answer that tomorrow!

Many thanks to those of you already reading and commenting on this series. You encourage me immensely with your kind words and support.

To Pray or Not to Pray, for Patience? :: Unlock the Bible {7}

2010-11-06T23:43:00.000-05:00

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23 (ESV)

As a kid I learned this adage:

Never pray for patience, because God will just put you in lots of situations where you have to practice patience.

Does that sound familiar? Being an ace student, I thought to myself, "I'm a generally patient person, so I will just work on this one myself. No worries, God, you don't need to test me on patience, I'll just start out as your star pupil."

So in my life I have never, EVER, prayed for patience. Not once, because I know better. Who wants to set herself up for guaranteed testing?

Now I have kids. Three of them. One has been around almost nine years. And can I tell you what they will never, EVER, say about me when they grow up and reflect on their childhood?

My mom was always so patient with me.

Oh, I struggle with patience with those kids. They drive me to the moon--and back--pretty much day in and day out.

Shortly after this moment, I turned around to find
every key popped off the keyboard
and laying around on the floor
like so many pieces of a puzzle.

Recently I had a stunning revelation: God already puts me in lots of situations where I have to practice patience. Like seven hundred and twenty-nine times a day. Those kids drive me crazy so much, sometimes they're already on the next iteration before I even finish being impatient with the first one.

Patience may be a virtue, but I think the time has come for me to admit it is not my virtue. Not even close.

So it's time to call in The Big Gun and beseech him for a little patience.

This is not "The Big Gun".
This is my boy, who stole my free Fruitista from Taco Bell.
I thought it was funny, until he drank the whole thing.

It's also time for a little Word Study. To start looking for Scripture that will help plant seeds of patience in my brain, I turn to my very first Bible. This KJV edition, printed specially for school students in an A.C.E. (Accelerated Christian Education) program, features the words of Christ in red; large print that substitutes a pronunciation guide for all those difficult Old Testament names; and a list in the front, of 60 character attributes with a Bible Memory verse for each.

The first verse I ever learned about patience:

Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us (Hebrews 12:1 KJV).

While I know this applies to the spiritual life, it's pretty clear to me that for right now, raising children is the race that is set before me. From me they have their first look at God, both in the training I give them and in the example I set.

I look the verse up in a few other versions. The New International Version translates it:

". . . let us run with perseverance . . ."

while the New American Standard, English Standard, and New Living Translation all put it this way:

". . . let us run with endurance . . ."

So, patience equates with perseverance and endurance. Neither of which particularly appeals to me, but I am at the end of my rope looking for change. I've got at least 17 years of active parenting left, I might as well learn something while I'm in this stage.

She's at a dangerous age.
I didn't photograph her standing on top of the piano
by those stuffed animals
later that day.
And that's all I can say about that.

I look up "patience" in my Strong's Bible Concordance, which turns out to be word #5281 in the Greek, hupomone (hoop-om-on-ay'):

cheerful (or hopeful) endurance, constancy:--enduring, patience, patient continuance (waiting).

So now I don't just need to make it through, but there is a cheerful attitude attached to it?!? That's just great.

But wait. Suddenly I see one of my favorite words: hopeful.

Hopeful endurance. Sticking with the kids, loving them through their only-human failings, thinking of parenting as a marathon. . . all with the hope that eventually they will get it, and that God has his influence already locked on their life. They are lovable buggers, and I really do enjoy them a lot of the time.

Do I even need to caption this one?

I don't have endurance. I have zero interest in ever running a marathon. I have a hard time hosting small group at my house for an entire semester. And this is actually the first time in twenty five years that I have lived three years in a place and not had plans to be moving on soon. But I digress . . .

I do know the very next verse in Hebrews 12 continues:

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross. . .

Jesus completes my faith. He endured the cross (very difficult); he can also help me endure the race set before me (small potatoes).

When Jesus returned to Heaven, we were left with the Holy Spirit to work inside us and give us strength to change and grow. As a result of allowing the Spirit to work, we can expect to have these qualities in increasing amounts: love, joy, peace, and the like--including patience.

I don't know why I never realized the fallacy of that old adage, because none of us has any patience to begin with; all we have comes from God. If I ask him for more, perhaps he won't only put me in situations requiring it. Perhaps he might also pour into my spirit the hope I need to endure each day.

When they start laughing and rolling on the floor like this,
it's time to watch out. I have a saying for such times:
"This can only end in tears."
And on this night, it absolutely did, about a minute later.

Dear Father, I feel a little sheepish to have reached such a late time in my life to first come to you requesting patience. But I am a dry creekbed needing some rain in this area. Please pour your patience into me, and check my heart every time I am about to demonstrate impatience. Teach me how to put aside my own agenda and just sit with my kids, listening and operating on their time.

Thank you for gently revealing to me my need for growth in this area. Please be faithful to continue your work in me until I am complete. Amen.

Rest :: Unlock the Bible {6}

2010-11-06T09:47:00.001-05:00

"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall rise up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31 (KJV)

In October when I sensed the "Unlock the Bible" series coming on, I knew posting 30 days in a row would be a challenge. I expected it to feel like a marathon. And I braced myself to be strong; to prioritize this commitment above holiday hubbub.

Three days into the series, the Lord reminded me not to run ahead of him.

After all, God's Word is timeless. And posting a 30 day series in the 30 days of a calendar month... that's an arbitrary designation. And, he did just speak to me last week about spending more time with my family.

So, I am going to go with the natural flow of readership, and take weekends for rest, waiting on God, and preparing for the next week in the series. I'll still post! But I'll save the tips and direction on systematic study for weekdays.

And those 8 weekend days when I planned to share background information about "how to read" the different types of literature in the Bible? Will probably be first condensed as a single post, and then either expanded to a stand-alone 10-part series or simply added to this body of work that I hope to refine and publish as an e-book early next year.

Today, I encourage you to implement some Breakfast Bible Time. Spend time waiting on God, asking him to speak to you through his Word. The prompting of the Holy Spirit will provide far better instruction than I ever can.

By the way, did you notice that verse at the top was in KJV? When I find myself quoting a verse in King James' English, I know I learned it early, before the age of 10. This must have been one of the first, because I actually hear it as a song, sung by the reedy voice of my Kindergarten teacher. Gotta love music as a Bible memory tool.

We will look at the tool of memorization in about ten days. Yesterday we began some Lunchtime Literary Analysis by considering versions of the Bible. Over the coming week, we will look at more literary questions such as:

Who wrote the Bible?
Who decided what writings are the "inspired Word of God"?
What types of literature are found within the Bible?
What different tools can I use to help me understand what I'm reading?

Plus I will offer another way to read and interact with the text of Scripture.

Wait on the Lord with me today, and renew your strength. I'll see you Monday.

What Version? :: Unlock the Bible {5}

2010-11-05T15:42:00.001-05:00

After spending three days on a "breakfast" perspective of God's Word, let's buckle down to some midmorning mental gymnastics today and talk about Versions of the Bible.

I heard a story once of a commencement speaker at a major Christian university (surely it wasn't mine), expounding on the virtues of his favorite version of the Bible. As he reached the crescendo of his argument, he thundered to the auditorium, "And after all, if King James English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me!"

Maybe I have a few minor details mixed up, but the humor carries a valid point: Jesus never spoke a word of English. We can argue about the greater authenticity of one English version over another, but the fact remains that the Bible was originally composed in Hebrew, Aramaic, and Greek. Unfortunately, most of us have not had the training to read those ancient languages, so we have to rely on the scholars that brought God's Word into the language we know.

But where to begin? Go to the bookstore, find the shelf of Bibles, and . . . commence with a feeling of being overwhelmed. How can there be so many different editions? I just want "original!"

If you must choose only one with which to start, consider it your first instead of your only. This photo shows all the Bibles I have had through my entire life. And I continue to use most of them.

I have an obnoxious number of Bibles, don't you think? They have been collected over the past 30+ years, and in fact I only actually bought 2 for myself. The rest were gifts.

Let's start by asking, what will you be using this Bible for?

Perhaps, with our blessed abundance of English versions, we can view them not as "right and wrong" but as "better for one situation or another." For example, a more literal translation might be better for intensive study, when you want to know how many times a particular word repeats throughout a passage; but a modern English paraphrase might give you the spirit of the passage a little more clearly.

Wait, what's the difference between a translation and a paraphrase? All these big words are so confusing!

Translation: A translation attempts to take the words of the source language (Hebrew, Greek, or Aramaic) and turn them as exactly as possible into readable prose in the secondary language. As the first English translation was painstakingly penned in 1385 by John Wycliffe, it makes sense that subsequent translations would attempt to represent our continuously evolving English language over the centuries and, more recently, decades.

Part of the reason for differences in translations can be explained by the difference in language structure. Different languages put subject, verb, adjective, etc in different order. In some languages word order affects meaning, while in other languages word order is nonessential. In addition, some versions attempt to translate a full thought at a time, while some take a phrase at a time. Some, called "transliterations", literally translate word for word, and are often found in works that present the actual text of the original language above the English words.

When choosing a translation, consider whether you intend general use, in-depth Bible study, or simply to appreciate it as literature.

1. General Use:
The most widely sold translations include the following:

English Standard Version (ESV)

Keep back your servant also from presumptuous sins;

let them not have dominion over me!

Then I shall be blameless,

and innocent of great transgression.

New International Version (NIV)

Keep your servant also from willful sins;

may they not rule over me.

Then will I be blameless,

innocent of great transgression.

New Living Translation (NLT)

Keep your servant from deliberate sins!

Don't let them control me.

Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of great sin.

These vary between evoking the high language of KJV and expressing the actual prayer of the psalmist. Any of these makes a good "original" Bible. The NIV can probably be considered the current standard as far as Bible memory, but the more recently published English Standard seems to me to have a nice formal tone to it.

I switch around a lot between the NIV, NLT, and ESV because sometimes reading different versions helps expand my understanding of a passage. Most of the Scriptures I have memorized are in the NIV, but currently I am reading through the Bible in the NLT. I tend to take an ESV to church because it hits a nice balance between the more literal NAS (see below) and the more familiar tone of the NIV. And because it's my pretty red leather slimline gift Bible.

2. Bible Study
My favorite literal translation to use for Bible study is the New American Standard. I think it does a good job of walking the line between readability and literal, word for word, translation. The Psalms present a bit of challenge in this version, but here's your example of Psalm 19:13.

Also keep back Your servant from presumptuous sins;

Let them not rule over me;

Then I will be blameless,

And I shall be acquitted of great transgression.

3. Literature

The King James Version of the Bible represents the state of the "King's English" in 1611. I enjoy reading this as Literature. All the high language fires off creative neurons in my brain. Also, I keep a KJV Bible handy because the ultimate Bible study tool, Strong's concordance, is keyed to KJV. I will explain that statement better, when you're older. Like a week older.

Here's an example of Psalm 19:13 in the King James:

Keep back thy servant also from presumptuous [sins];

let them not have dominion over me:

then shall I be upright,

and I shall be innocent from the great transgression.

So if all of those are different translations, why would I want to confuse myself further with a paraphrase?

Paraphrase: A paraphrase may take an entire passage and rewrite it in common language, keeping the spirit of the thought but not necessarily every phrase. The most popular current paraphrase is The Message, written by Eugene Peterson.

Clean the slate, God, so we can start the day fresh!
Keep me from stupid sins, from thinking I can take over your work;
Then I can start this day sun-washed, scrubbed clean of the grime of sin.

See how it states itself in such plain language? I love to read a paraphrase along with a more complete translation, because sometimes I have read the NIV so many times I get caught in the cadence of the words and forget that it means something. The Message scrambles up the thoughts and occasionally spits out words that startle me into realizing their meaning.

But which one to choose?

If I could only have one Bible, or if I were just starting out with my first, I am traditional enough to say that I would choose the New International Version. When I read the words of that translation, I sense the familiarity of the cadence and it reassures me.

But here is the miracle of modern technology: as long as I have internet, I don't have to choose! YouVersion offers 17 English versions right on my computer or smart phone, and I can switch back and forth between them on the fly.

The only problem is that it doesn't have a pretty red leather cover and gilt edges.

What version of the Bible do you read?

Next week we will discuss Lunch related topics, the Tools and Background Information we can use to support us as we Unlock the Bible for ourselves.

A Simple Breakfast Recipe:: Unlock the Bible {4}

2010-11-04T08:03:00.012-05:00

There needs neither art nor science for going to God, but only a heart resolutely determined to apply itself to nothing but Him, or for His sake, and to love Him only.
-Brother Lawrence, The Practice of the Presence of God

Christian bookstores are full of books on how to live the Christian life. Devotionals, self-help manuals, commentaries, even special editions of the Bible offer to help us navigate applying the Bible to our lives.

I'll be honest, I hope that one day one of those books might have my name on the spine.

However: You are ultimately the one responsible for your understanding of the Bible. Not Larry Crabb or Bill Hybels or Erwin McManus or even Ann Voskamp. You.

Fortunately, just like Larry and Bill and Erwin and Ann, you have direct access to the one who spoke the words of the Bible, and he wants to reveal himself to you directly.

He puts his truth where we can reach it, right in the pages of his message. In the early days of the church, the Jews of Berea understood the importance of first-hand knowledge. When Paul came to them teaching that the God of the Jews had opened up his family to include the Gentiles, they "examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true" (Acts 17:11, NLT). As a result of their study, many of the Jews converted to Christianity.

Why do we find it so challenging to open Scripture and tease out its truth for ourselves?

While study Bibles, commentaries, how-to books, and even devotionals have much value to the believer pursuing a deeper understanding of God, the fact remains that there is little of art or science needed to simply read Scripture for oneself. It should be as simple as reading.

Today I promised a simple, breakfast-style recipe for reading for yourself. Forgive me if you find it too simple; before going further I want to encourage you that if you can read, and you desire to pursue knowing God more, you already possess the skill to get into the Bible. The book is a marvel, but "Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand!" (Matthew 11:15).

Breakfast Bible Time

Ingredients:

Bible
Notebook
Pen

Directions:

Preheat the oven by inviting God to speak to you.
Choose a passage in whatever way you wish. It can be a single verse, a paragraph, an entire chapter. At the top of your notebook page, write the date and the passage you are reading.
As you read, look for a word, a phrase or a verse that stands out to you. Write it down. Ask God to reveal to you his message. Write down whatever thoughts you have.
Bake by meditating on the passage for 5-10 minutes, or longer if desired.
Reading time is done when that stand-out verse is golden brown, sending a fresh aroma through your soul.

Note:
Usually a good confirmation of God speaking to you comes when you start getting the same message from every direction: Sunday message, Bible reading time, books you are reading, friends, Twitter, and so on (and no, I did not learn about God speaking through Twitter during college in the early '90's).

And that's the complete recipe!

Here's an example of my very simple recipe applied to Psalm 19 (by the way, I love Bible Gateway! It's one of the tools I will be discussing later on).

On my first read through, two verses stand out:
13 Keep me from deliberate sins
14 May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord.

I know that God gives forgiveness for all the mistakes I make. But the actions that keep me up at night are the ones I knew were wrong at the time I was doing them. I always want to know, is there grace for those actions? Because those probably outnumber the accidental sins by, oh, I don't know, maybe 14 (or 140) to 1.

Here I see that even David, the man after God's own heart (1 Samuel 13:14), had to ask God for strength to keep himself from willful sin. What a great relief. If he could pray it, then so may I.

And my prayer always, is that God would be pleased by the things I say and the things about which I privately think.

Dear Lord, give me strength today, to resist temptation to commit willful sins, and to act and think in ways that would make you happy. Amen.

Time to close the books, put the pen away (where baby can't get it and write all.over.the.house), and begin the rest of my day.

Read Psalm 19 with me? What verse stands out to you most on your first reading?

Collecting Ingredients :: Unlock the Bible {3}

2010-11-03T07:49:00.009-05:00

Today marks Day 3 of a 30 day series discussing how to systematically crack open the Bible, using a food-related theme. This post addresses part two of this statement I made yesterday.

Three key elements make up a nutritious spiritual breakfast: proper preparation, a collection of the right ingredients, and a simple recipe.

What’s the first step to following a recipe? Before you bake a cake or make a stir-fry, you pull out your ingredients and set them on the counter. That way when you suddenly realize you’re out of baking soda or some other essential ingredient, you can stop and make a quick run to the store before getting to a critical step in the process.

So what ingredients do you need to study the Bible? Truthfully, all you need is . . . a Bible. I hope that by the end of this 30 day series, you may even be more comfortable with the Bible alone.

But I’d like to just share with you some of my favorite ingredients for a successful study time.First, I collect my ingredients in a tote bag. I have my eye on a cute new one for Christmas, but for now the bag I have does the job of keeping everything in one place. In my tote I keep:

My Bible (New Living Translation)
My journal and a special pen
A spiral notebook for jotting down the barrage of unrelated thoughts that try to sabotage my quiet times. Sometimes the best way to silence a noisy to-do list is to commit it to paper so I can ignore it.
A packet of blank greeting cards. Often a friend will come to mind as I read a particular verse, and I can just jot down a note to her while I say a prayer for her. As a side note, I have also begun to keep a book of stamps in my address folder so I can get that note out the same day.
Headphones. Yep, the kind you wear to keep out noise, not the kind that put more noise in your head. It’s amazing how much more easily I can focus the moment I put those headphones on my head.
Sometimes I also have a piece or two of chocolate in there, because a bite of creamy goodness releases the endorphins and propels me to a different spiritual plane. In case you are wondering, Dark Chocolate Dove Promises are my happy bites of choice.

This week I have a few new additions to my ingredients tote:

The Practice of the Presence of God, by Brother Lawrence. This book has been sitting on my shelf almost half my life, and I just finally opened it a month ago. What a treasure I have found in its pages, encouraging me to seek God's presence in every moment.
199 Treasures of Wisdom on Talking with God, compiled from the writings of Andrew Murray. If I get stuck or need a kick in the right direction, I can pull out either of these slim books celebrating the Christian life.
God in the Yard: Spiritual Practice for the Rest of Us, by L. L. Barkat. I am very excited about this 12-week course gently encouraging spiritual discipline in a manner a bit more approachable than Richard Foster or Oswald Chambers (who also offer excellent, though challenging, writings on the Christian life). I have just managed to read the first chapter so far, but will be sharing more with you as I get into it further. Discipline is one of my key growth areas at the moment.

When I sit down for quiet time with my special tote bag, I can eliminate most reasons I might encounter to get up and look for something. If your life is anything like mine, sitting down for quiet time is challenging enough the first time, without having to get up for a pen and run interference through the household with the hope I can get back to my chair while all the plates are still spinning.

You have been patient this week as I get my stride, building a bit of foundation before actually discussing “how-to” read the Bible at all. Tomorrow we finally get a look at a simple recipe to crack the book open, breakfast style.

Do you have an ingredient collection?I have found two new friends online who discuss theirs. You might enjoy reading their posts for further ideas.

Jennifer Dukes Lee, discussing her Tent and Altar at Getting Down With Jesus.
Gordon Atkinson, posting about his Lenten Satchel at The High Calling.

To read more posts in this series, click the tag Unlock the Bible.

Prepare :: Unlock the Bible {2}

2010-11-02T07:37:00.004-05:00

Have you brought your appetite today? It’s breakfast time! Wait, what? You say you don’t usually eat breakfast? I have to tell you, you are missing out!

A sizable percentage of Americans skip breakfast every day, in the interest of grabbing a few more minutes of shut-eye. But skipping breakfast sets your body up for an empty fuel tank just an hour into the day, and can poorly influence the choices you do make when you finally find a moment to eat.

Similarly, many believers skip that first morning meal with the Lord, their spiritual breakfast. Then the rest of the day becomes a catch-up game. But the Lord never intended us to live that way.

“Unless the Lord builds a house, the work of the builders is wasted.”
Psalm 127:1 (NLT).

Each day, the Lord wants to build our day. We can go charging on ahead of him and make our own way, but then we spin our wheels and wonder why we feel so ineffective day after day.

So how can you get off to a good healthy start? Three key elements make up a nutritious spiritual breakfast: proper preparation, a collection of the right ingredients, and a simple recipe. As you probably already know, when your morning routine strays from simple, it disintegrates into chaos.

Proper Preparation
1. Rest. Did you know that the Hebrew day started with evening, then continued with daytime? Notice the phrasing in Genesis 1: And the evening and the morning were the first day. Similarly, Sabbath began at sundown of the day before it.

The amazing result of this structure has us rising each morning to greet God in the midst of his daily work. He doesn’t need our help to do anything. He first gives us rest, then we join him at work by applying ourselves to our daily routine.

But first... he wants us to greet him, and perhaps he wants to speak at the beginning of our day. He can do this when we take at least a few moments to read Scripture, this living document that can speak directly to us.

And while getting up a few minutes early is seldom easy for me, it is always more difficult if I have not set myself up with a full night of rest. Prepare yourself to hear God by guarding your rest.

2. Invite. Before ever opening God’s word, train yourself to stop and breathe a prayer of invitation for the Lord to join you in the moment and speak to you through his life-changing Word. Without this, God can still speak, but I think it’s like trying to listen to your iPod through a set of earmuffs.

I like to picture myself inviting God to look over my shoulder as I read; to reach down to point out the words he has for me; to lift them from the page and give them life before my eyes.

Tomorrow we'll talk about having the right ingredients for your "breakfast" Bible reading time. For today, how about you? How do you prepare for your time reading the Bible?

Best Food Ever :: Unlock the Bible {1}

2010-11-01T07:42:00.001-05:00

Welcome to November. 2010 seemed to have such import when it arrived; yet it continues to slip away just as quickly as the years before it.

The days pour into months, months into years, and years evaporate at a mind-numbing pace. Somehow almost 15 years have passed since I graduated college with a diploma certifying that I had successfully earned a degree in Christian Education (how to teach people about the God and the Bible), and had additionally studied the Bible itself enough for a second degree in Biblical Literature.

The Bible stands unique among literature, claiming itself as the living Word of God. Hebrews 4:12 says:

For the Word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.

The Bible is a living document, that acts on the reader! In the 30 days series beginning today, you will not learn everything there is to know about the Bible. However, I hope you will systematically learn enough to increase your confidence as you study this amazing book.

The Best Food Ever!
My brain learns best when I can identify a system to the thing I am trying to learn, for then every new piece of information can be assigned to a part of the system. As I thought about how to systematically share background information, methodology, tools and more, I found a parallel between the Bible as spiritual nutrition, and food as physical nutrition. So I’m going with this as my system throughout the 30 days.

Just as we use food for different purposes throughout the day, so can we read the Bible in different ways at different times. In the morning, we look for God’s blessing on our day, and maybe a word of direction. Throughout the day, we call on memorized Scripture as sustenance. And at some point, we need to sit down for a good hearty meal of intentional study.

Did you know that when God first established his people as a nation, he declared that any new king was to write out the Law (basically the book of Deuteronomy) as his first task? And that his job was to read from the Law every day of his reign? (Catch it in Deuteronomy 17:18-20).

I don’t know about you, but I consider myself the queen of my little kingdom. Even if I don’t go to the extent of copying out the Law, I do need to be reading from God’s Word every day of my life, and making regular study an intentional priority. Without it, my spirit slowly starves until I have nothing left to give my family.

I am so glad you are joining me on this journey to break into that life-giving source of spiritual nutrition. Tomorrow we will start with Breakfast. We will stay there a few days, which makes me happy because breakfast is generally my favorite meal of the day. I hope you’re hungry!

Today I would love to hear from you. What are your favorite methods of Bible study? What questions do you have regarding unlocking this amazing (and sometimes intimidating) book?

Cracked Earth

2010-10-29T07:36:00.000-05:00

Texas summers bear down harsh on the land.

Hot gusts blow across parched earth. Deep fissures have no discernible end, as if they might lead into the center of the earth. Low twiggy scrub dots the valley floor here and there, while a few stunted live oaks stand resolute against summer’s furnace. Where I stand today, cracked earth greets my gaze in every direction.

"Cracked Earth" B. S. Wise

I turn from the scene, remembering other seasons during which this place has fed from a stream running through it, when the oaks have stood a little taller and a lot greener, and a restorative breeze has kissed my face.

In those seasons I had a garden over there, on the banks of the riverbed. A low stone wall, now crumbling, still outlines the plot. Beyond the wall, an orchard bore fruit of all kinds, each in its own season. The trees remain, though badly damaged by neglect. Along the near horizon, a low line of foothills reaches skyward to define the boundaries of this place.

My heart sinks at the dismal picture of drought before me.

Could anything restore this to usefulness? I briefly consider abandoning my location in search of another, just over that ridge. Perhaps a new beginning elsewhere would offer less work than restoring this place to its earlier condition?

But even with a despairing heart, I know the truth: a new beginning would require just as much work, and more. This place feels familiar, and includes my history with it. Best to work with what has already begun here, in this sanctuary of my heart.

Land that drinks in the rain often falling on it and that produces a crop useful to those for whom it is farmed receives a blessing from God. Hebrews 6:7 NIV

This description does not refer to the occasional flash flood that can sweep across the valley. A single heavy rain does not erase the kind of deep scars that crisscross Texas clay at the end of August. Rather, this description refers to the presence of many misty rains, coming gently and consistently all through the growing season.

Brother Lawrence, a humble seventeenth century monk, also acknowledged that evidence of spiritual drought does not disappear after a single restorative prayer time, but that frequent interaction with our Creator will create a spiritual thirst in us for more:

In order to form a habit of conversing with God continually, and referring all we do to him, we must first apply to Him with some diligence; but after a little care we should find His love inwardly excite us to it [that habit] without any difficulty (The Practice of the Presence of God).

Sucking in a deep breath, I set my face again toward the valley. This is my garden, my responsibility to tend. I sink to my knees, raise my face and my hands toward heaven, and pray for rain.

God's Whisper

2010-10-27T22:31:00.003-05:00

I thought I heard a whisper, but maybe I just imagined it.

For years, I have been out of the habit of regularly conversing with God. Oh, I acknowledge him in my life, but perhaps I am not the first to find that talking about God and talking to him can all too easily become two separate things.

Once we lose sight of that essential close conversation with God, it takes a little work to get it back. I think God waits to see how serious we are about returning to him.

Then I spent the month of September writing a series of Bible studies for a deadline. For six weeks I spent nearly every available moment of nearly every day, pleading for God in his grace to reveal what I should write.

By the end, I had begun to redevelop the habit of conversing with God continually; and I began to thirst for more.

One night last week, I even thought I almost heard him whisper.

Unfortunately, along with this spiritual reawakening, I also began to develop the habit of spending every available moment glued to my computer. I started reading some amazing blogs that challenge me in my spiritual journey.

To add to my tech overload, I got a smartphone. Now I don’t even have to sit at my desk; I can check my networks from anywhere. I can also read my Bible and make my shopping list on my phone.

Reading the Bible on my phone has been awesome. As I fill my mind with scripture, I am slowly feeling God’s presence more and more. Writing a prayer list on my phone has also been awesome. I am remembering to approach the throne of grace with confidence.

But as with any of my manic obsessions, computer time can turn into too much of a good thing. My family has been suffering from lack of my attention. My messy, dusty house tells the story. And I know it.

So perhaps it was just my guilty conscience that night, whispering to me:

Give your days to your family.

I will give you time to write.

But I suspect God really did whisper to me, for starting the next morning, family matters have demanded all of my available time. My daughter didn’t feel well enough to go to school one morning. But she felt well enough to be getting underfoot, so I took her to school 2 hours into the day.

2 hours later, the nurse called me to come get her and her 100.8 fever.
The next day I took her to the doctor, to find out she had a virus called pleuritis: inflammation of the lung lining, which causes the lungs to rub uncomfortably against the ribs.
The day after that I took her to the allergist, to find out she has no antibodies against 40 common foods. This is positive news, but somehow each of those events consumed my days.
The weekend became consumed by spending time with extended family.
The beginning of this week became consumed by simply cleaning my house and organizing closets, getting rid of old things we don’t want or need anymore.
Each night I have been busy or so tired I have followed the kids to bed.

And somehow 8 days have slipped away since God spoke.

But instead of feeling beaten down, I feel refreshed. The Bible in 90 Days challenge still nurtures me; the “Unlock the Bible in 30 Days” series still inspires me; and surprisingly, breaking from writing long enough to prioritize my responsibilities to my kids and my house satisfies me.

All this "cleaning house" helps me feel I am removing obstacles that interfere with my ability to hear and receive God's presence. As I seek him for strength to assemble a Bible study series, I feel like I'm getting more and more in tune with his voice again.

I am almost to the point where I can hear him whisper.

Of Blooming and Planting

2010-10-19T11:00:00.011-05:00

Last October, Louisiana Neighbor (my garden muse and educator in all things "Southeren") delivered to me a small white plastic bag of nondescript roots, with the simple instruction:

Just stick them in the ground--anywhere--and see what happens.

I stuck a dozen bulbs in the ground, mostly along the front edge of my front flower bed, and forgot about them.

This past weekend, as I left my front door on the way to church, a splash of red caught my eye beneath the tangle of jasmine vine creeping up the brick to my left. One of the spider lilies bloomed!

Of course I immediately spun around to examine the planting locations of the other eleven bulbs. Nothing.

But ONE has bloomed. And it continues to bring such joy to my heart, even if it only remains for a handful of days.

Freelance writing bears some resemblance to these lily bulbs. One can nurture a dozen ideas and submit them to the world for ~~validation~~ publication. Maybe one will survive all the weather, soil and watering conditions and grow to maturity.

For in the moment that one idea blooms, the writer receives validation, and inspiration to plant more ideas. Each bloom brings the writer one step closer to becoming an author.

After delivering a five-part Bible study series on Judges to an editor a few weeks ago, I have been encouraged to find a few more bulbs and stick them in the ground. Just to see what happens.

Where are you in the writing process? Have you collected any bulbs? Found a flower bed in which to plant them? Have you stuck them in the ground? Or perhaps you have received blooms to inspire you? Keep at it!

On today's to-do list, I will plant another bulb. Share with me, what is your next step?